To ask what in life has made you saddest and how you ever got over it?

[Danceswithduck]

Something in life hasn’t worked out I hoped / expected it would. It feels a bit like heartbreak - that’s all I can liken it to.
Im so sad and could cry all the time. I cannot say what it is as it is so identifying to me.

What made you the saddest you’ve ever been and how did you get over it? Or learn to live with it?

I would say I learned to co-exist with my sadness after life trauma and over time, gradually expanding my focus elsewhere, things got much easier.

Seeing the utter horror of my grandparents final years. They deserved better endings.
Watching my dad die of a heart attack in our living room when he was just 64.
The depression that dogged me throughout my teens and 20s and well into my 30s. I often feel that Iost my youth.
Bullying in my final two years at school.
Loneliness at university.

My dad died in 2021 when my son was a month old - that's the saddest I've ever been, even tried to take my own life but a year and bit on my son makes everything better, we're having a second baby and we're retraining in the hopes of moving to Australia or at least doubling our income here in the UK and moving to a much nicer home - I'll always miss my daddy but creating a life for myself and children is helping ease the pain. It's what he would have wanted.

I was with a guy and we were happy together 2 years I fell pregnant and was so happy that I’d the family Kids and we’d get married and live together forever - That went out the window in an instance when he said he wasn’t ready to be a dad (I already had a 5 year old by another man) and that if I terminated we could try again another time and at least we knew we could one day have kids.

i was so desperate for the “happy ending” that I chose to believe him. The relationship ended 7 months later. It took years for me to stop being sad.

I would honestly feel like a failure as a parent if my daughter made the same mistake as you; prioritising anyone else for whatever reason in these circumstances.

I get it though.

I knew before my wedding it was a mistake. I didn't really know why, but I realised I didn't trust him, and even tho I was very naive, I knew relationships shouldn't be this way.

I simply couldn't tell my parents - I tried & there was a brief discussion about cancelling the wedding but I felt so much like I had let them down I went back on it.

It's not their fault but I'd lived life constantly wanting their approval that I was blind to what I was doing.

I agree, I hope fervently my DC will not be afraid to do what their heart tells them & that I've taught them that everything can be sorted out, in the end.

My daughter being stillborn.
It will be twenty five years this year, but it never really goes away. There is always somebody missing. In some ways it seems harder now, as I see mums out shopping with their daughters and I feel envious.
I know we might not have had that type of relationship but I never got the chance.

A break up that happened when I was in a terrible place and my mum becoming ill and dying in the space of a year.

Letting my dd treat me like shit all the time , she still does it and I still let her. I’ll never get over it .

Something happened with an old landlord of mine a few years ago and it destroyed me at the time. None of it was my fault but it left me in an awful state and my anxiety reached new heights. When I think about it too much even now, I start thinking dark thoughts. I hate the fact that one evil person has affected me this much.

I'm so sorry. I got a lump in my throat reading this. ❤️ to you & your lovely girl.

These stories are utterly heart breaking. I send you all a massive, unmumsnetty hug.

My dad died when I was 4 (five days before Christmas) and I distinctly remember my childhood as being a very lost little girl. My mum was widowed at 34 with three small children so life was tough. Christmases especially were bleak as they were a painful time of year for us all. It wasn’t until I had therapy in my twenties, after many episodes of deep depression and a suicide attempt, that I uncovered a huge sense of loss and abandonment. Therapy helped heal me a lot.
As an adult I suffered three miscarriages, four babies in total. After the first one I thought I would never experience happiness again. But being entirely open and allowing myself to cycle through all the emotions without holding anything back really helped. Surround yourself with supportive people who’ll listen and coddle you.

Seeing the faces of my children when I had to tell them their Daddy took his own life.
I will never ever forget their faces and the sounds they made.
But too see how much they have all achieved and grown in the last year is incredibly reassuring that life does go on and life is amazing x

Oh @McConkeysPlate that's unbearably sad. You & your DC have done amazingly

So many stories of heartbreak & resilience on this thread.

I've experienced a lot of trauma in my life, but in terms the saddest, I'd say my brother dying very suddenly when he was 31. I can't comprehend that he isn't here anymore, that he no longer exists as a physical being. I didn't realise just how close we were until he died, but there is this gaping void in my life where he should be. Every day of my life it's like there is something missing, and I carry the loss of him everywhere with me. It's a very lonely kind of grief, I don't think many people can relate, and a bit like losing a child, it's not the kind of grief you ever expect to experience.

Loosing my mum at 23 after a 6 month illness.
It truly destroyed me and 27 years later I'm still not over it but have a fantastic family with dh of our own, I'm just sad she's missed meeting all my lovely people.

Losing a parent more recently, and also being dumped by the love of my life in my mid 20s.
You just keep going and as time goes on the rest of your life grows and the hole doesn't seem as big anymore in comparison.

Losing my daughter, and as a result her siblings losing me. All I ever wanted was to be a good mum. There were a good few years were if I managed to feed, them and get them to and from school, we were winning, other days even just breathing felt so hard.

My son had to write a Mother’s Day poem in school and in it he described how I used to be with them, jumping in puddles, taking them on adventures and doing silly voices when I read them stories.

Then at the end he said that now I always lingered a little when I shut the front door, with tears in my eyes as if I was waiting for his sister to come home too. It made him sad that I could no longer be happy and silly. It properly broke me. He was nine years old, my poor boy. I wish I could have protected them more.

What made it better, time and determination I no longer linger in doorways for a little girl that can’t come home. And sometimes now, my tears are tears of joy.

I hope time helps you too op, and everyone else who has/is struggling.

Losing a baby. I haven’t got over it but I’ve grown round it and with it. The trauma is a part of me but I’ve processed it and I can carry it a little bit more lightly now.

My lovely DD being ostracised and bullied at senior school ( girls grammar) for several years, but particularly bad in Y 11 and consequently developing an eating disorder. Feel so sad that I couldn’t help her and that she still has such low self esteem and anxiety and hardly any friends.

My first daughter dying (stillbirth) two days before her due date. I was severely I’ll (nearly died too) but once the shock wore off and I left hospital the grief started and it was unbearable at times. I’m over the grief (the mad searing pain) but she’s with me every day.
Then discovering my second daughter was disabled at the twenty week scan.
Im actually not sure which is sadder, because my daughter is still here and I hate Christmas (anniversary of death of DD1) as she can’t play with many things, doesn’t like toys or new experiences (unless it’s developing her movement).
and thirdly- and I’m so ashamed this is up there with my daughters - being sexually assaulted by my DD’s consultant which completely shattered my mental well-being and I had a breakdown. I’m still not over that )3 years on) and while I’m so sad it ruined my only child’s babyhood for me, I hate that man more than anything else in the world.

My main one was losing mum, I nursed her to the end and watched her lose her body and mind to an aggressive brain tumour. Her suffering was terrible so while we were glad she was finally at rest, my world fell apart. I ended up with bad anxiety and panic attacks.
The sadness and pain has gotten better with time, as others say - time is a great healer, but I still have my down days.

@RogersOrganismicProcess

(I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep clogging up the thread responding to individual posters - but the posts here are incredibly moving)

Your words are beautiful & devastating. You are amazing & I'm so sorry you lost your gorgeous girl ❤️

💐 @TheGlitterFairy x

My son was stillborn. It changed me as a person, broke me completely and has left me with trauma that will stay with me my whole life. I didn't get over it as he has part of my heart but I have learned to enjoy life again.
But- there has been a change in my attitude with it too. I'm pregnant again with my rainbow baby (after a mc last year as well) and where I was very superstitious about telling people last time, I'm way more open with this pregnancy as every day, every minute that I'm pregnant I carry my much wanted, much loved baby and that is to be celebrated.

The saddest … seeing two of the most important people in my life wither and die from cancer. One was announced by somebody (in a different country) on social media as ‘passed away peacefully at home’ - I threw up when I read that: I was there, it wasn’t fucking peaceful! I don’t think I should say any more about that.

You don’t get over those things, you just learn to live with them. I think of them like wounds to your psyche … like, if you were stabbed, you might need surgery, get stitched up or whatever. Then you’d be in acute pain for a while, maybe limited movement, etc, while your body heals. Eventually, years later, you’ve got a massive scar, you might get the odd twinge, but otherwise you’re functional. It’s the only analogy I can think of - it becomes like a psychological scar.