To ask what in life has made you saddest and how you ever got over it?

[Danceswithduck]

Something in life hasn’t worked out I hoped / expected it would. It feels a bit like heartbreak - that’s all I can liken it to.
Im so sad and could cry all the time. I cannot say what it is as it is so identifying to me.

What made you the saddest you’ve ever been and how did you get over it? Or learn to live with it?

I've had 2 terminations in my life. 1 at 20 and 1 at 34. The first was definitely the right thing to do but I often question and regret the 2nd.
At the time I had an 18month DD and was struggling with lingering PND after post partum psychosis and it felt like the right decision for us, plus I was terrified.
However my partner later regretted it and our relationship has never recovered. We are still together for DD but it's a sham and it's unlikely I'll have any more children. I'll always wonder what might have been. I feel a terrible person for having 2 terminations.

What makes me feel better is focusing on DD .

for those on this thread.

In a chronological order rather the things that have affected me most
a horrendous miscarriage the day before my 12 week scan with baby number two…an a and e visit whilst haemorrhaging and then fitting before needing an ERCP, this was 16 years ago and I’m so sorry for the loss of this baby even though I went on to have two more darling children

when my ds’s best friends dad committed suicide (they were 7 yrs old) leaving behind another child and a completely broken family…it shocked me so much as I didn’t know anything about the struggles of mental health and having it all doesn’t matter if you have a mental health illness

when my spiteful adoptive mother died from cancer, I was very sorry that she had suffered but she absolutely hated me and did not protect me from resentful siblings growing up, I felt so guilty to be released from having to continue to be subservient to her

when my darling dog died from a stupid accident before the age of two that was completely preventable, I loved her so much and it destroyed me to the core and I should have been able to protect her, I miss her so much and she was a once in a life
time dog

My sweet, lovely son being bullied. Just thinking of his face, bright with hope that they would like him and they tore him to pieces.

Having a mother who really should not have had children. I ache a bit every day for a mother who would just hug me and love me properly.

Got a close friend who has just lost her mum and l know there is nothing in the world lm
can do to ease her pain.

Losing my daughter when she was 26 , such a shock

For me.. longing for children who never came despite fertility treatment, 2 miscarriages, loosing my beloved sister in her early 40’s. Coming to terms with a pretty awful childhood, lots yelling, Mum in out psych care and wanted to be looked after, never was a Mum.

@blackpearwhitelilies I'm so sorry for your son. This is my worst fear for my little girl.

I also have the same feeling about having a mum that nature's and loves me. How different would life be if I had that?

I told my mum in anger and frustration a few years ago that if she didn’t stop drinking, she wouldn’t live to see her grandchildren.

I was 35 weeks pregnant with my first child, and her first grandchild, when she died.

I’ve had to learn to make room for it in every day and I’m starting therapy soon. Best wishes, OP.

That’s bad. That matters.

I'll struggle to have another. My son has little extended family. I should have married someone I loved and had more kids but it wasn't right to bring another child into the situation. I have guilt over that.

Thank you. He seems to be doing ok at the moment so fingers crossed. The worst was a few years ago.

i hope all goes well for your little girl.

Sorry you have a difficult mum too xx

Being estranged by my daughter and refused contact with her newborn.

still no contact. I will never get over this. I have never seen my grandchild. Think very carefully before you go no contact. It leads a trail of broken hearts and ruined lives.

Ouch this one got me.

Your poor son.

So sad to read about your son @blackpearwhitelilies
I hope he is ok.

Thank you xx He seems to be doing ok at the moment.

Thank you forconfessingonly

My partner took his own life 2 years ago. Our kids were only 2 & 6. Honestly I still feel like I am just existing. I don't have much support so it's just me and the kids most of the time. I do have hope though that some day I'll find some peace but I'll never get over it.

My father died before I was 10, my mother before I was 20. My family fell apart, my brother bullied me, my uncle abused me. I buried it all, was clever enough to do well at school and I tried to make a career for myself but I've never felt that I fitted in anywhere. I've never felt 'normal' whatever that is, I've never known how to talk to people. I do have three daughters that I love and get on with but I feel that my life has been so sad with numerous tragedies. I feel like I was born unlucky.

@allhappynow Sending you love ❤️

I'm so sorry you are going through such painful times OP.

I don't know if how you are feeling is due to something that can heal given time and support (e.g. heartbreak) or something that probably never will (e.g. loss of a child).

I found the way to cope is to allow other aspects of life to thrive alongside the agony. I remember my first very serious boyfrined dumping me in a foreign land. I'd flown out to be with him where he was working but he'd met someone else and not bothered to telll me. I felt like jumping off a bridge. But I went home and worked so hard I got a great promotion and lost so much weight I had the best body I'd ever had.

Are there things you can control that you can focus on? You may be too upset for them to give you joy or comfort right now, but you might be able to appreciate later on the effort you put in now. Can you clear somewhere out, mend something, repaint something? Can you go on long walks or runs? Lose yourself in work or study in a good way?

My Mum getting a terrible diagnosis at 56, and watching how that illness limited her life so relentlessly and consummately until her death. Everything we had enjoyed and shared became impossible. Her personality and intelligence were erased. I don't think I'll ever get over it but I am living with it and what helps is to reflect on what I learned from her in the time we had and to remember I am who I am because of her.

Made the hardest decision to have a termination , i don't think i will ever really get over it.

My stillborn (2nd) daughter
Losing my brother a year ago and then finding out 3 months later that my husband had been sexually abusing our daughter for 5 years has probably been the biggest grief on top of a heap of grief I've had to deal with... and it's a complex grief. I suppose all grief is complex...

How do you carry on? I like to think that we live in the light of love left behind. I have felt my brother's love very much as I've traversed the deceit and destruction my former husband left behind.
You have the day at hand and the road ahead and all you can do is move forward... further away from the pain and towards something unknown yet hopeful. It is terrifying because when we are grief-stricken and heartbroken, it can feel like we are trapped in unending sorrow... any movement feels like we're running away from the terror of it all. But in reality, we are always moving forward, releasing bits of pain as we go. Pain has such a weight. Love has none... it's almost like a tailwind, pushing us onward. I hang onto that dearly.
You will find your strength and you will cry less, OP. That is a given.💐

needwine

Sending hugs / thoughts and anything else that helps to everyone who has written here.

It's incredibly moving to read how people have dealt with the things that life has thrown at them.

My saddest thing is the end of a relationship and how it affected a young member of my family. He just couldn't understand why he no longer saw this person who he had adored. It breaks my heart.