To ask what in life has made you saddest and how you ever got over it?

[Danceswithduck]

Something in life hasn’t worked out I hoped / expected it would. It feels a bit like heartbreak - that’s all I can liken it to.
Im so sad and could cry all the time. I cannot say what it is as it is so identifying to me.

What made you the saddest you’ve ever been and how did you get over it? Or learn to live with it?

The saddest thing for me is that myself and my daughter are not very important to anyone. Of course, we have friends and extended family, but our nuclear family is just me and her, and then we’re missing a whole level. We don’t see her dad’s family after his death, my parents live abroad and don’t really visit, I’ve no siblings. Really, I’m all she’s got. Day to day, it doesn’t leave a massive gap (I’m super-independent and very capable) but it’s so hard to either have a celebration with two, or organise one with just one adult pair of hands (no GPs or aunties to pitch in and help me organise food and games). I used to be able throw money and my own presence at her, but now we’re facing financial issues and the business that kept us comfortable no longer can. Now we either have to have very little money, or I need to work a lot more and have a lot less time and energy. It’s not devastating grief (been there. This is different but feels more permanent) but if I dwell on her being so alone in life, for ever, I think it’s heartbreaking (I don’t think she really realises this, and I so hope she will grow to have a good relationships and my worries will be unfounded)

This is exactly the same for me ,I just somehow cope.

Having chronic health issues that have really shaped my adult life and meant I can't have children, feel unwell constantly, can only work v part time etc.
Some days I'm ok, it helps that I'm an introvert and can get quite a lot of enjoyment and comfort out of very day to day stuff, other times everything feels overwhelmingly awful and I can't believe that this is how things are for me.

@maddiemookins16mum I was with my mum when she died and it was heartbreaking. Sending you and a hug

I was kidnapped at knifepoint and raped several years ago. Life has moved on and I am ok....job, married, great kids. But I will never get over the sadness that on that night, the me I was, was completely lost. I have never been the same person again, and that makes me sad if I dwell on it. Which I try not to.

@RogersOrganismicProcess 💔 your post was heartbreaking.

My saddest time wasn't a moment but the 18ish years of PTSD that weighs me down since. My whole life changed by evil people who have no idea the impact they have had. The same event has broken my parents and I've watched all the happiness and any positivity drain from them.

Close family member’s suicide here too, the circumstances are not my story to tell so I won’t go into detail but it was the worst feeling I’ve ever had about anything in my life. I was pregnant at the time so tried my best to try and stay ok to reduce stress hormones for my baby so that probably helped me get through it at the time but I still think about it often all these years later. Absolutely horrendous but I must say it was a shock how many people confided in me that they had been through the experience too and never told anyone. I’m so glad that we are more open about mental health as a society now.

Realising I will never change my sister and her better than tendencies will always be there, as well as controlling behaviours. Knowing other people might choose to never acknowledge it either and coming to terms with losing the relationship with her I always thought I’d have

Losing our son to suicide age 26. I'll never get over it.

Losing my Mum to cancer just a few weeks before my first baby was born. It all felt so cruel and unfair. It’s still hard to this day as she should have been a big part of my children’s lives. She would have been the best Nana.

Caring for my OH during the long haul of Parkinsons Disease, having to make the decision not to treat his pneumonia and let him fade away in peace (he was suffering dreadfully), and then watching him die.

This was 2.5 years ago. I will never "get over" it; but I have adapted to a new life - not one I would have chosen. I do not sit around weeping - I am out there living my life - but every now and again something will trigger a weepy moment.

Getting over it does not come into it - learning to live with it and allowing the grief to walk alongside me without allowing it to be the whole of my life is the path I have found.

Watching my partner drown, so young, long time ago now but you never forget & the pain is as real now as then.

At 11 my mum told me I would never be the baby girl she lost at 6 months old. I was born after and my mum did go through a series of horrific events and was clearly a broken person. But that comment stuck with me and has shaped a lot of my life. I don't think I'll ever get over being the disappointing replacement.

My husband died of a brain tumour 10 years ago. My mum is currently terminally ill with metastatic cancer and can't talk or swallow or do anything. I have an an amazing husband number 2 who is supporting me through this.

When my mum died five years ago - the sadness never goes away, and just looking at photos can make me feel like it only happened yesterday.

Warrior!

Oh Chiwi, I properly want to give you a massive hug.

@Danceswithduck If it’s early days what you are experiencing is normal —- horrible, upsetting but normal after trauma.
Another widow told me after my DP died in a road accident that I wouldn’t always feel this bad. At the time I couldn’t understand how I could get through the next 2 hours, or two day never mind the two years that she had managed. But it’s true, you won’t always feel this bad. The day will come when you smile without thinking, laugh and sing along to music again.
Talk , to your therapist or to similar people, or anonymously online. I found it helped.
I’m still sad at times but not traumatised. Treat yourself kindly, always.

Being unable to give our daughter a sibling despite multiple rounds of ivf and operations, I feel sick with worry she’ll be alone in this world once we’re gone. Her cousins live in Scotland (so not close to them) and her Dad is an only child. The throwaway comments I’ve had about ‘just having another one have’ have cut to the bone, why are people so ignorant/thoughtless when it comes to fertility issues ? Do they not realise how hard it is already for me carrying this guilt and sadness, particular bad at the moment with the long summer break and watching her play alone 😟 I can only live in hope that she’ll make lots of great friends (and we actively encourage this) and find a loving partner to create her own family. I’ve really tried to stay hopeful but feel the sadness is all consuming with constant reminders of large families/siblings playing together.

1. Spending 20+ years on a relationship that ultimately I ended. There were good times, but seriously we should not have gone on so long.

2. Losing cats.

My lovely big sister getting diagnosed with terminal cancer and losing her very quickly. She was beautiful and vibrant and the cancer just ate her away. She refused to look at herself in the mirror towards the end and just wanted to die. Absolutely heartbreaking, I'll never get over it but you have to learn to live with it. What choice do I have ?

This is human strength ❤️

Going through Infertility and miscarriages was just brutal. The pain and sadness will always be there deep down and often comes to the surface. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I got my DS in the end via ivf, I'm so incredibly grateful I live in a time we're this is possible otherwise.

I had a year when I kept having miscarriages in the days before 12 week scans. Twice I had had heartbeats at 8 weeks.

When I got to the third one i just felt desolate, I was really torn, I was desperate for another baby but felt like I didn't want to keep on trying and having miscarriage after miscarriage.

Luckily the next pregnancy stuck (although with a lot of complications/issues), and while you never "get over" the losses, DD brings me so much joy.

Another thing that just makes me sad is a friend who died not quite 40 leaving two young children. It makes me sad watching her babies grow up and thinking of her not here, she would be so proud of them but what makes me cry most is the younger one now does not really remember her.

You are not nothing! You will get a job one day x