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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘They just really need a relaxing, chilled holiday…at your house’

137 replies

Wafflerthewonderdog · 17/08/2022 17:22

Mil said this to me about Dh’s niece & boyfriend who are coming to stay at our house for a week (we live abroad)
Theyre in their early 20’s, both still live at home and are stressed as they keep changing jobs.
She said they’re just wanting to lounge around and not do much…
Okay great 👍 but we have busy lives with our wonderful but exhausting 4 year old.
Aibu in thinking it’s kind of rude to just want to come to ours to just lounge around and because they really need to chill? Or am I just mean 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 17/08/2022 17:24

I would ignore everything your MIL has said about what they want, and ask them directly what they'd like to do.

Chinese whispers is a recipe for disaster every time.

RatherBeRiding · 17/08/2022 17:24

Did you invite them or did they invite themselves? What would you like them to do while they're with you?

Guests who can look after themselves and just want to chill all day sound pretty easy guests tbh - they don't sound like they need entertaining and taking out 24/7 so honestly I'd just let them chill.

saveforthat · 17/08/2022 17:25

Well what do you want them to do? Cook/clean up after themselves-of course they should. Go out to endless activities YABU

FourTeaFallOut · 17/08/2022 17:25

Doesn't she just mean you don't have to feel obliged to take them on a grand tour of your area and generally entertain them? I'd take it as licence to stick to your own routines and let them get on with their own thing.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/08/2022 17:28

What she said isn’t odd in itself but I can’t say I’d want an extra two house guests who wanted to lounge around my house for a week when I had young kids! Are you cooking and cleaning for them? Where exactly in your house they going to be doing this lounging??

If I hadn’t invited them/wanted them to come-they wouldn’t be coming, so I’m presuming you really love them both and this isn’t a problem?

RinskeD · 17/08/2022 17:29

"Very funny MIL. Of course they will be expected to look after themselves, chip in some money for food and help out with the washing up (or do their own catering if that's what you want)"

CruCru · 17/08/2022 17:31

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relaxed, chilled holiday … except that it isn’t usually relaxing to stay with a young family (unless your house is utterly massive).

Feed them breakfast and dinner and tell them to amuse themselves in the daytime.

Original poster
Wafflerthewonderdog · 17/08/2022 17:39

@Shinyandnew1 We didn’t invite them but they’re pleasant enough, v different to how we were in our twenties, not independent at all, seem really immature to us..🙈

OP posts:
Muddypigeon · 17/08/2022 17:46

Sounds more like by chilled relaxed holiday they expect someone to cook their food and wash their clothes, and sheets after they’re gone. Because they deserve it because of their stress.

MiniCooperLover · 17/08/2022 17:46

So they invited themselves? Make it clear you won't be entertaining them or if you aren't willing to do that then you might have to suck it up 🤷‍♀️

Dirtylittleroses · 17/08/2022 17:48

Are you happy to host them? I’m not really getting the issue. What is it you’d like them to do when there? Childcare, cooking, cleaning?

Shinyandnew1 · 17/08/2022 17:49

We didn’t invite them

I wouldn’t be having people in my
house that I didn’t invite!

Folklore9074 · 17/08/2022 17:50

I don’t want to be mean but it sounds like you’ve placidly sat by and let people invite themselves over. Presumably you’re on some level okay with that or you would have said something. Speak up or put up.

SunnyD44 · 17/08/2022 17:51

What were you expecting them to do?

I wouldn’t have expected them to join in withy busy life or 4 year old and would assume they’d be doing their own thing.

SummerLovin123 · 17/08/2022 17:52

Go out & leave them to babysit op!

whynotwhatknot · 17/08/2022 17:57

if they invited themselves messsage them before they get there-you will be getting on with your life and they can help themselves to food etc but you wont be available for anything

howdidigethere · 17/08/2022 17:57

So I'm presuming you're somewhere sunny and might have a pool. Are there things to do nearby in any case? Will they need chauffering around if they get bored and want to go out? Are they likely to help out e.g cook a meal for everyone, tidy up after themselves?

I'd consider sounding them out on their expectations and set out some ground rules as pleasantly as possible, ahead of time.

Teethdilema · 17/08/2022 18:02

What’s wrong with wanting to visit and chill?

To the pp that said ‘go out and leave them to babysit’ - why do people hate other people having a nice time so much?!

we live in a holiday destination, I don’t expect visitors to be unpaid help - they are on holiday and it’s nice to see them. If they are reasonably tidy and take us for dinner on the last night - I’m happy. They can do what they like for the rest of the time - I wouldn’t expect them to do a big clean or wash their own bedsheets etc.

onelittlefrog · 17/08/2022 18:03

I'd clarify what they mean by 'chill' - are they going to clean up after themselves and cook? If so I wouldn't have a problem - but you don't need an extra 2 children to look after!

Teethdilema · 17/08/2022 18:03

Also, presumably if it’s DH’s niece - she’s your niece too. Would you feel the same if it was someone from your side of the family?

maranella · 17/08/2022 18:05

YANBU OP. I wouldn't want two immature 20-somethings staying with me when all they wanted to do was relax either. As a guest, you're duty bound to not be a burden - you pull your weight, you clear up after yourself, you help your hosts out where you can, and you go out and entertain yourselves at least some of the time so they don't feel duty bound to do so. If all you want is to lie around and relax you pay for a fucking hotel!

gogohmm · 17/08/2022 18:16

I would take it a different way, it's code for don't arrange lots of trips out with them because they are happy to chill at your house playing with their cousin. I would set expectations on day 1 eg you will cook dinner at x time each night, tell you if they plan to eat out, daytime food help yourself to bread, milk etc but there's a shop here for other bits of food you might want. If they haven't come before note places to go for a walk and where the spare key is. If in return for hospitality you would like them to babysit one night just tell them.

I lived abroad, everyone visited I just made it clear what was being provided (evening meal, and what was self service

hummerbird · 17/08/2022 18:18

Please contact them directly by phone and explain the situation so they are prepared to pull their weight when they arrive.
Don't spring it on them. Whatever they have heard from anyone else is wrong.

Slightlystressedbride · 17/08/2022 18:20

Wafflerthewonderdog · 17/08/2022 17:39

@Shinyandnew1 We didn’t invite them but they’re pleasant enough, v different to how we were in our twenties, not independent at all, seem really immature to us..🙈

How have they ended up coming then?

GinIronic · 17/08/2022 18:22

What do you mean by "we didn't invite them"?

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