‘They just really need a relaxing, chilled holiday…at your house’

[Wafflerthewonderdog]

Mil said this to me about Dh’s niece & boyfriend who are coming to stay at our house for a week (we live abroad)
Theyre in their early 20’s, both still live at home and are stressed as they keep changing jobs.
She said they’re just wanting to lounge around and not do much…
Okay great 👍 but we have busy lives with our wonderful but exhausting 4 year old.
Aibu in thinking it’s kind of rude to just want to come to ours to just lounge around and because they really need to chill? Or am I just mean 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please, please get in touch with the niece and set out some ground rules to keep you all happy and YOU sane.
Why are some posters presuming "lounging around and not doing much" just means that they don't want to do any ambitious sightseeing?
If they are young and even immature for their age, they may not have much self awareness or how their behaviour could impact you.
They are probably used to their parents looking after them at least to some extent, so they might not think about tidying up after themselves, for example.
They might want to chill out in the living room all day, so they take it over - so your space is no longer yours.
I was stung myself once. We had a cousin of a cousin lodging with us which was going OK. His girlfriend (a silly rich girl) came over once for a week, no problem. Then she came over for "2 weeks" over the summer to get a job (which she did not, of course), but stayed longer. His brother also came over, but stayed in a hostel (no room here), but came over every day and hubby and we felt like strangers in our own home. We were very hospitable then, but their behaviour was the beginning of the end with our family lodger.
I am sure that these young people are not horrible, but thoughtless behaviour can be really stressful.
You would obviously need to be diplomatic but clear, too.
I think it would be mean to refuse once your hubby has accepted.

@MrsLighthouse asking guests to ‘run the vacuum or broom around’?!?

I have never been asked this and would never ask a guest and we have a quite a lot. They are guests, not unpaid help.

Maybe your MIL has said that they just want to lounge around rather than you/oh having to entertain them or bring them out sightseeing?
They are adults so can amuse themselves while you are busy with whatever you need to do. I imagine you can link in with them to do something together while they are over?

Maybe gather some info for them about what’s local to you (hint: here’s what’s on for you both to get out and about to see/do)

Don’t overthink it, let them chill and you be chilled too.

I think anything other than a Friday - Monday at someone else's house is hard work, even if you are great friends with the people, and usually designed to cause problems of some sort or other.

I don't really understand what you are upset about.

Would you have felt better if she'd said 'they just really want to be super busy and stressed'?

Of course they want to chill. It doesn't mean they aren't going to pull their weight.

Wait until they come before deciding you hate them. You might be pleasantly surprised and have a nice time.

Play it by ear. Most guests don’t expect to be waited on hand and foot, they expect to pitch in. It could be good fun for your 4 year old too. If they are wanting to laze around maybe they could babysit a few nights?

@angela99999 omg the nerve ,thy obviously have no morals and assume they can do what they like

it seems they were doing their ‘big trip’ which so many people from Australia and New Zealand do.

You would have thought so wouldn't you, but they didn't go out at all in the few weeks they were with us, just stayed in their room and appeared for meals. DH took them up to Hampstead Heath to show them the view of all London and explained the bus and underground systems, thinking they could take a leisurely trip back and get their bearings. Then he drove home, stopping for a few minutes to take the DC for an icecream on the way. Our visitors were home before him!

They'd worked out where DH worked (he belonged to an engineering institution and the relative was also an engineer) and had applied for a job in the same place before they left home.

For next time, this is what you communicate about before agreeing to any arrangements. It’s worth having a conversation about what both your ideas are, whether expectations can be met, flexibility, bottom lines.

Oh my God. 🙈😂

@Newand they invited themselves and the poster has a 4 yr old and they’re family so l whilst l wouldn’t consider them “unpaid help” l would expect them to muck in . Good for you if you like to wait on guests but this isn’t really the situation is it ?