‘They just really need a relaxing, chilled holiday…at your house’

[Wafflerthewonderdog]

Mil said this to me about Dh’s niece & boyfriend who are coming to stay at our house for a week (we live abroad)
Theyre in their early 20’s, both still live at home and are stressed as they keep changing jobs.
She said they’re just wanting to lounge around and not do much…
Okay great 👍 but we have busy lives with our wonderful but exhausting 4 year old.
Aibu in thinking it’s kind of rude to just want to come to ours to just lounge around and because they really need to chill? Or am I just mean 🤷🏻‍♀️

It isn't a free pass. The niece messaged her Uncle to ask. He could have said no, but he said yes.

I don't live abroad - or even in a holiday destination - but sometimes people ask if they can come and stay, and, if it is convenient, I say yes.

Op, I don’t see what the problem is and I think you’re being disgruntled for nothing. The mention of a chilled holiday doesn’t have to be something ominous. It could just mean they don’t want to put you to any bother and are happy to sort themselves out.

Welcome them into your home, have something available for them to eat when they arrive and let them see what’s in the fridge for breakfast and sandwiches.

Dinner - It Really is just going to be about making more of what you’d usually cook and you can even prepare ahead from now and doubling up on what you cook and freezing some.

Theres really no need to be making such a mountain out of a molehill.

So let me get this right,your MIL arranges for people to go have a relaxing holiday at your home,righty then maybe you could tell her you think they'd have a much better time at her house🙄,why would a couple in their 20s want to hang at your place anyway nice an all as it seems. Firstly its your husband that needs to deal with his mother not you, I think you are busy enough ffs who will she be sending on next because I'd nip this one in the bud right now

I think you are very unfair on thevop

On the op

Send them a note to say you are looking forward to seeing them and hope they enjoy getting to know your area, - along with a list of attractions and how to get to them by public transport, including resorts and parks and community pools to lounge about in.
Then also link a couple of touristy main sites you feel they should see, to lunch places which you feel might suit their budget. You could also write that if they prefer to buy bread ham, cheese and fruit to take out for picnics, they are welcome to buy it at xyz supermarket, store it in your fridge and prepare it all before they go after breakfast has been cleared.
Then type out the times you tend to have breakfast if they want to partake and give them approx times for when you eat in the evening adding that you usually go out for a pizza on of a Friday (or whatever) Tell them if they aren’t going to get up in time for breakfast or be back in time for the meal in the evening, that’s absolutely fine, but to please let you know in advance so that you aren’t wasting food.
This will give them a framework of your expectations for the week (we won’t be running you around, lunch isn’t provided, so please make a bit of effort to get planning and help yourselves really enjoy your week off) and a little hint that they could offer to treat you on Friday.
Its nice having younger people around especially if they make an effort to get out and take an interest and don’t just slob around expecting to be spoon fed.

I know MiLs are the spawn of the devil on here but It sounds to me as if she's helpfully saying 'don't go to too much trouble' such as arranging outings etc. Just let them get on with it. And if they can't cope with your 4yr old they won't come again will they?

They must really like your company to be sitting around you all day long.but ideally you should pass on some places of interest I.e .excursions on bus rides places to eat so they can eat and not wash up, leaving you to some space around your home until they are happy to crash out in the bedroom. Good for them and good for you too.

Not all families are as close as yours, sadly.

Two of DH's relatives, son and DIL of an Aussie cousin he hadn't seen for 40 years, were sent to stay with us "for a couple of weeks" - we then discovered they planned to stay for a year. DH turfed them out the next day.

If they invited themselves, just be simple and straight with them. How lovely you’d like to visit us. However we are pretty busy at the moment, we’d be happy to have you come for the weekend…

If it’s inconvenient, say no. Otherwise, hope it goes well.

Can you not postpone their visit when you are free.

Why are you making stuff up ?

The MiL hasn't arranged anything.
She was just chatting with the OP and said, when the niece and boyfriend come they don't want to do much. Which most people have read as "you won't need to take them out and about or show them the sights".

The niece contacted her Uncle (OP's dh) to ask if it would be convenient to stay, and the OP's dh has said it would. None of that is anything to do with his Mum.

In terms of why they would want to stay. I presume part of it is that the OP probably lives in a nice place (she obviously hasn't been specific as to where), combined with the fact the niece probably wants to see her Uncle. If I moved abroad, I would hope that my family would still continue to want to see me and that some of them would be willing to spend the air fare to do so occasionally.

Play it by ear. I just read this comment as they won’t need much looking after. I recently stayed at my sister’s with my niece and tried to be an unobtrusive guest. Ie we relaxed in our room, in her garden, by her pool. Got our own breakfasts, then cleared them up. Spent time with my sister at points when she didn’t seem too busy. I am aware her life is busy but where she lives is a lovely place to relax, so even though I knew she wouldn’t be around all the time, it was still a great holiday for us.

Have to agree with the PP who said communication seems to be lacking. Your MILs message could be understood in at least two very different ways. The Dniece and her BF could be total CFs or just a nice young couple who can’t get established in a horrible job market, and leaning on relatives for a place to stay. And I don’t even know why you said yes to their visit when you clearly are at best in two minds. Can someone please talk to someone else before this visit become hideously uncomfortable?

What do you think they should be doing? As long as they don't make a mess and tidy up
after themselves, that's all they 'need' to do. I wouldn't expect people staying to be scrubbing the bathroom or anything like that. I wouldn't expect to wait on them hand and foot either, so as long as that's not expected, I wouldn't mind if they just came to chill out.

Coming over to "just chill" isn't really so much a problem in itself so long as they don't put you out. Just make it clear that you expect them to be courteous guests i.e cleaning up after themselves and let them get on with it.

That's what hotels are for. Not family homes 🙄

Anytime you have guests, there is more work for the host(s) - usually the female host. If they are not close family, and it seems the want-to-be guests are not, then I would say no. You have your hands full already - you don't need to be babysitting adults who are having issues taking care of their own responsibilities.

But many people can't afford to stay in hotels.
Over all my life I have been lucky enough to know lovely people - friends, relatives - who are actually more than happy to have people visit them. I have also had all sorts of people stay at my house (indeed one uni friend of dd's has been here for 2 nights this week). In my life this is just a normal thing to do. It doesn't really create much work and it is nice to see people.

If they are not close family, and it seems the want-to-be guests are not, then I would say no.

Well, OP has already said they are dh's niece. I would very much welcome any of our nieces and nephews to stay. I would definitely class that as close family.

you don't need to be babysitting adults

Yet the very point of the MiL's comment was to reiterate that the OP doesn't need to look after them / take them out and about. You never know, they might even be happy to babysit the OP's LO for some of the time - I know all of my dc n their 20s are always more than happy to look after their much younger cousins for a while.

Definitely this

@angela99999 well done your husband I applaud him ,some people just try and take a lend of people

I'm lucky to have him, I'm very well behaved and would have been embarrassed to do it myself! It was actually even worse than I said, he'd applied to my husband's employers for a job and told them he would be staying with us.

it might be really nice …have an open mind and just make some things clear ! “ are you good to wash up tonight as l’ve cooked ?” “ would you just mind running a vacuum/ broom around while l’m at the shops ? “ They don’t sound like they’ll be much trouble but keep ownership of the remote and say “ l love watching Eastenders ( etc ) at this time !” They’ll soon get into a routine . Enjoy !