Page 4 | ‘They just really need a relaxing, chilled holiday…at your house’

Wafflerthewonderdog · 2022-08-17T16:22:21+00:00

Mil said this to me about Dh’s niece & boyfriend who are coming to stay at our house for a week (we live abroad) Theyre in their early 20’s, both still live at home and are stressed as they keep changing jobs. She said they’re just wanting to lounge around and not do much… Okay great 👍 but we have busy lives with our wonderful but exhausting 4 year old. Aibu in thinking it’s kind of rude to just want to come to ours to just lounge around and because they really need to chill? Or am I just mean 🤷🏻♀️

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/08/2022 20:22

Sounds like they want a free hotel to stay in

feeding a couple for a week costs money

assume uou live in a sunny country with a pool

not sure what chill time they will have with a 4yr 😂

my dd when was 4 loved having guests to stay as new people to pester play with 😂

theclangersarecoming · 17/08/2022 20:23

Echobelly · 17/08/2022 19:45

I'd agree with @Goldbar that they may not be able to relax with a 4 year old around. I would also be sure to set expectations, probably best via niece's parents, a la 'Happy to give you a change of scene, but be aware you are houseguests, and understand 4 year old will be rolling about and may be chatting to your constantly/we have to spend time settling DC at bedtime [if that's the case]' and so on.

Maybe ask if they're happy to make at least some meals - in your shoes I wouldn't want to be making all of them. Maybe be clear if you're OK or not for them to order in takeaway - some hosts might be fine with that but others might find it offensive somehow

@Lavendersummer 's well learned advice is good!

^This! Make sure they know that any house with a 4 year old in it is unlikely to be “chilled” in any respect 😂

20-somethings normally have zero awareness of the realities of living with small children. You might want to make it crystal clear to them that waking up late for a leisurely breakfast, relaxing, or going out late at night expecting not to get in until late but then have a nice quiet sleep and a lie in is not feasible with a 4 year old around.

(With any luck your DC can be persuaded to put Paw Patrol on loud at 6am, wake them up by jumping on their bed, loudly demand entertainment for most of the day, demand to be taken to the park, and also squeeze in a few monster tantrums, and they’ll be put off from ever staying again 😂🤣)

Teethdilema · 17/08/2022 20:48

@theclangersarecoming genuinely why would you want your guests to have a bad time? And hope they get woken up at 6am by paw patrol.

GabriellaMontez · 17/08/2022 20:56

Wafflerthewonderdog · 17/08/2022 18:35

By we didn’t invite them, I mean we didn’t ring up/message and ask them if they wanted to come.
Niece messaged Dh and said they were thinking of coming over, was that ok…cant exactly say no…they said they could come any time that suits us 😬

This was the point when your dh phones and has a chat about what they're hoping to do and if that can fit in with you. Making it clear that your home is quite busy/chaotic. You call them immature... have you even chatted to them about this trip?

Katsnack · 17/08/2022 20:56

I’ve been married to DH for a v long time with 3 DC and since the kids I have always felt we are not right for each other; personalities have become more obviously so different and we just see the world from opposite perspectives.He has quite a short fuse and tends to just rant about everyone and everything. I am more positive and laid back. However, he is a good, loyal, generous person and a loving father but honestly I feel like I have 3 children-not a husband who I admire, value his opinion or want to have sex with.
I am so worried what a split will do to the children and our lives, which is why I have stuck with the marriage and is the grass always greener?
Advice please 🙏

godmum56 · 17/08/2022 20:59

PowerPack · 17/08/2022 18:59

Why is that WTF? My nephews could call me any time and ask to stay and my sons could do the same to my sister.

If it's not convenient for whatever reason we'd say so, but why so terrible to ask your parent's sibling if you can visit for a a few days?

Show quote history

yup but you don't have to say yes.

pinkyredrose · 17/08/2022 21:12

Katsnack · 17/08/2022 20:56

I’ve been married to DH for a v long time with 3 DC and since the kids I have always felt we are not right for each other; personalities have become more obviously so different and we just see the world from opposite perspectives.He has quite a short fuse and tends to just rant about everyone and everything. I am more positive and laid back. However, he is a good, loyal, generous person and a loving father but honestly I feel like I have 3 children-not a husband who I admire, value his opinion or want to have sex with.
I am so worried what a split will do to the children and our lives, which is why I have stuck with the marriage and is the grass always greener?
Advice please 🙏

Best start your own thread! Ps. Sounds like you've come to the end of the line.

Iflyaway · 17/08/2022 21:17

Feed them breakfast and dinner

Can I come and stay with you? LOL

Cheeky fuckers expecting uninvited to chill at someone's house for a week.

My "excuse" now is "loads of Airbnb's around here". 😊

kateandme · 17/08/2022 21:19

Sorry I just take it as your mil making sure you know they don’t need a schedule or entertainment and just want to relax.her saying this to make you feel better. I no when people have guests,especially the mums feel obligated to “think of things to do,oh how will we entertain or feed them!” So mother in law was saying do t worry they are coming to rest not to put on you.
tou did also tell them they could come. I don’t really see how you can moan now.
why don’t you text your niece.just let her no that you hope it’s ok that you’ve nothing planned for the next few weeks.so if they wanted to do outings they might want to look before hand if they need to book?but don’t think your ignoring them if they just carry on with how busy life is right now for you!
who are people having to stay? We’ve never had this issue.or the need to spell out what will be happening.it just works naturally every new day.sometimes they are here,sometimes they are out.often they will come and cook.or pay for a meal.my mum has always wanted to be a provider of meals though.so she will fill the fridge.it’s how we know her,she shows her care by us returning to full fridge and goodies. But we cook,clean up after ourselves.make beds etc.offer to help.nieces and nephews even more polite.

Stripyhoglets1 · 17/08/2022 21:22

As they are 20 I would suggest clearly setting out what they need to do and your situation or they may not realise.
I expect family guests to sort themselves out with breakfast and tell them where the breakfast stuff is - and as you're working tell them they need to sort their own lunch too. Tell them what you have in for this but anything extra the supermarket is that way >>>>>
Then suggest they might want to eat out some evenings but if they aren't then can they let you know.
I'd expect to feed guests but nothing fancy. There would be alot of pizza and pasta provided!

Stripyhoglets1 · 17/08/2022 21:24

And make it clear if they want to get food and cook at all that's fine as long as they clear up etc.

ThePumpkinPatch · 17/08/2022 21:34

@Wafflerthewonderdog Just message them and tell them it won't work for you. This is incredibly rude of them and unfair on your child to have people he/she barely knows in his/her home.

ddl1 · 17/08/2022 21:35

If she means that they want to lie in bed all day while you cook their meals and bring them to them on trays, I would think that rather U of the guests! But it didn't come over to me like that: just that they don't want an endless run of activities. I'd suggest just asking them what they want.

theclangersarecoming · 17/08/2022 21:42

Teethdilema · 17/08/2022 20:48

@theclangersarecoming genuinely why would you want your guests to have a bad time? And hope they get woken up at 6am by paw patrol.

Are you for real? Some twentysomethings invite themselves to your house for a free holiday when you have a four year old, then say they want a “chilled” time?

Why should a 4 y o have to ensure these cheeky free holiday relatives get a quiet lie-in?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/08/2022 21:49

So your MIL has invited them to stay at your house while you're not there? Tell them all to piss off.

What does your DH say?

Teethdilema · 17/08/2022 21:54

@theclangersarecoming the disdain in which you say ‘some twenty somethings’ like their age alone is offensive? And ‘cheeky free holiday relatives’?! You don’t even know them or that they are cheeky. I live in a v popular holiday destination and I’m not spitting feathers everytime someone wants to come and visits me. If it’s not convenient, I just say no sorry rather than say yes and then try and ruin their trip or ‘make them work for it’.

They are family, most people like seeing family. The op really should have said no though as she doesn’t want them there (which they’ll pick up on).

No one is saying the 4 year old should have to be quiet or ensure they have a lie in but you were suggesting the OP purposely wakes them up early.

Equally these cheeky twenysomethings haven’t actually made any demands? MIL has said they want chill time - which is more likely to mean they happy to relax and go with the flow rather than they want to lie in bed all day being served food.

Life is a lot nicer when you don’t live it angrily hating everyone before they’ve done anything wrong btw.

Hankunamatata · 17/08/2022 21:56

Are you sure it wasnt meant as in they dont expect to be entertained, taken out, shown sights etc.

allyouneedismarmite · 17/08/2022 22:17

You’re being unreasonable to call them rude based on what someone else has said about them! They haven’t even arrived yet!

Kite22 · 17/08/2022 22:22

Well said @Teethdilema
I wonder how some people get through life.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 17/08/2022 22:56

Kite22 · 17/08/2022 22:22

Well said @Teethdilema
I wonder how some people get through life.

I wonder this about at least half the threads on MN!

theclangersarecoming · 17/08/2022 23:59

Teethdilema · 17/08/2022 21:54

@theclangersarecoming the disdain in which you say ‘some twenty somethings’ like their age alone is offensive? And ‘cheeky free holiday relatives’?! You don’t even know them or that they are cheeky. I live in a v popular holiday destination and I’m not spitting feathers everytime someone wants to come and visits me. If it’s not convenient, I just say no sorry rather than say yes and then try and ruin their trip or ‘make them work for it’.

They are family, most people like seeing family. The op really should have said no though as she doesn’t want them there (which they’ll pick up on).

No one is saying the 4 year old should have to be quiet or ensure they have a lie in but you were suggesting the OP purposely wakes them up early.

Equally these cheeky twenysomethings haven’t actually made any demands? MIL has said they want chill time - which is more likely to mean they happy to relax and go with the flow rather than they want to lie in bed all day being served food.

Life is a lot nicer when you don’t live it angrily hating everyone before they’ve done anything wrong btw.

My post was clearly meant to be a funny comment about what 4 year olds are like, (ie. generally not “chilled” or “relaxed”); so wind your neck in, because you are the one who seems to be angry and spitting feathers for no reason. Perhaps you should go through life with less hate? Just a thought! 👍

DameHelena · 18/08/2022 17:44

They're his family, he can cater for them and entertain them.

Longleggedgiraffe · 18/08/2022 18:17

Teethdilema · 17/08/2022 18:02

What’s wrong with wanting to visit and chill?

To the pp that said ‘go out and leave them to babysit’ - why do people hate other people having a nice time so much?!

we live in a holiday destination, I don’t expect visitors to be unpaid help - they are on holiday and it’s nice to see them. If they are reasonably tidy and take us for dinner on the last night - I’m happy. They can do what they like for the rest of the time - I wouldn’t expect them to do a big clean or wash their own bedsheets etc.

Having lived abroad myself and having my house treated like a free hotel, I can say rhere's quite a lot wrong with wanting to visit and chill, if they haven't been invited by me. I'd expect at the very least, offers of help with meals and the odd bit of tidying up after themselves. There's chilling and there's taking advantage. The Poster needs to make some ground rules and manage expectations.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 18/08/2022 18:18

Wafflerthewonderdog · 17/08/2022 18:35

By we didn’t invite them, I mean we didn’t ring up/message and ask them if they wanted to come.
Niece messaged Dh and said they were thinking of coming over, was that ok…cant exactly say no…they said they could come any time that suits us 😬

Of course you can say no

Rosie22xx · 18/08/2022 18:23

I don't understand how just because you live abroad it gives other family a "free pass" to say yeah we can come when we want a holiday. It's not their holiday home. It's your house.
They should be asking IF they're able to stay over and accept whatever response you give. As its up to you, not them. And it's not rude to say no...
Fair enough if they actually want to visit you and spend time with the family, but again, they should ask if that's okay.
But it sounds like they just want somewhere free to stay whilst abroad, rather than paying for a hotel like a normal person.