Page 4 | Boyfriend won’t let me meet his friends…

beccberry24 · 2022-08-17T13:57:36+00:00

So I’ve been with my boyfriend coming up a year now, he’s at my house every single day after work & we spend weekends together. He’s met my children, my family & my friends, overall things are good BUT he for some reason won’t let me meet his friends. I’ve taken him out with me when I’ve been out with my friends a few times now but I’m still get to meet his. I’ve mentioned it quite a few times now & he just says it’s ‘lads night’ & no girlfriends are going. I’ve met his family & daughter (we have her at the weekend) & it’s public knowledge we’re together even on social media but his friends it’s like they’ve got the plague & I’ve gotta stay away (that’s how I feel lol) … we’ve recently had an argument where he’s said he’s going out with his mates on Friday & I jokingly said ‘oh thanks for the invite’ he’s then took that as me saying he’s not going out & im being controlling like his ex?!!! Wtfff lol I just dont know why it’s such an issue for me to meet them, I wanna know more about him & what kinda people he surrounds himself with. I know I can trust him a million zillion percent that’s not an issue but the not meeting them is for me. I just find it so weird, am I being unreasonable?? Help lol

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 17/08/2022 16:18

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:12

Yeah maybe it is this, I’m now thinking he acts like a complete dick when he’s with them so he probs won’t want me to see that side of him I’m guessing.

I think the post above me worded it better. My wife would definitely have thought my friends were dicks, and they kind of are, but I liked them. We'd talk about speed runs on computer games, sci-fi TV series, technology, stupid obscure jokes that have been going on for years and all sorts of crap my wife would have zero interest in.

IncompleteSenten · 17/08/2022 16:18

I'd assume he hooks up on these nights out tbh.

KettrickenSmiled · 17/08/2022 16:23

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 15:21

I mean treat his daughter as my own because we have her every weekend, she’s lovely I love her to bits she’s a joy to have I treat her just like my own children I wouldn’t have it any other way .. & yes I have been to his, he lives with his dad & brother but he’s mainly at mine when he’s not working. His dad was here weekend gone as he’d nipped in to see us

Oh FFS dump the immature twat.

He's always at yours, you are convenient for childcare, I bet you cook for him & make him comfortable at yours ... yet you never default to him taking care you you & your DC's at his house, & you are "not allowed" to meet his mates.

Sadly OP - you believe you are in a relationship.
He believes you are a useful convenience that he keeps compartmentalised away from the rest of his life.

Sorry to be so blunt, but this man is not going to make you happy.
I jokingly said ‘oh thanks for the invite’ he’s then took that as me saying he’s not going out & im being controlling like his ex?!!!
The red flags pile up ...
He has a 'crazy ex' - you are 'controlling' - he is hiding something from you - or ashamed of his friends/the behaviours he indulges in with them ...

Controllers are always the first ones to cry "you are controlling" when challenged about their shady behaviour

Original poster

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:25

Usually about midnight, he texts me throughout the night but not loads. Last time he went out was last Friday & he text me a few times then at like 12 he said he’s gonna go town (as I think he was at the pub) & asked me if I was ok with that. If I was he can do whatever he wants so he didn’t get in until 3am I think. I don’t care that he does out, it’s the avoiding me meeting his mates which is an issue for me. Even if it’s just once so I can gage who they are & what there like, even to find new things out about him just anything haha.

OP posts:

IsThePopeCatholic · 17/08/2022 16:27

Why don’t you go and spy on him when he’s with his mates?
or you could ask him , in front of his dad, what his mates are like. Look at his dad’s reaction.

Original poster

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:29

I wanted to do this, I asked my two girl friends to crash his night out without him knowing 🤣 but they weren’t down for it! I need new friends 🤣🤣 .. then I kept saying to my bf I’m gonna crash his night out but he wouldn’t tell me where he was going so I couldn’t lol but I could if easily found out lol

OP posts:

Bluebells12 · 17/08/2022 16:30

Hm, I had a boyfriend like that, turns out he wasn’t serious about me and didn’t want me integrating into his life (and he was snogging other women on lads nights out).

It is a red flag but I dunno what it means. It could be any of

he isn’t serious about you

he IS serious about you and doesn’t want his mates to tell you stuff that may put you off him

He’s cheating / flirting / doing drugs on nights out

his mates are permanently single and hate women and he knows they’ll whine at him if he takes you

he has another girlfriend (this happened to me 🙄)

he’s nice with you but a loud asshole when with his mates, and if you’re all in one room he won’t know which personality to be without upsetting someone

It is a red flag, don’t let him put you off, say you aren’t asking to crash lads night but it is weird that you’ve never met any of his friends, when is he planning to introduce you? If never, why is that?

If he doesn’t want you on a lads heavy drinking then fair enough, but why can’t you meet his mates another time? Bbq, pub lunch, festival, etc?

KettrickenSmiled · 17/08/2022 16:31

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:29

I wanted to do this, I asked my two girl friends to crash his night out without him knowing 🤣 but they weren’t down for it! I need new friends 🤣🤣 .. then I kept saying to my bf I’m gonna crash his night out but he wouldn’t tell me where he was going so I couldn’t lol but I could if easily found out lol

OP - stop with this.

If you have to play Miss Marple to find out more about the man you are meant to be in a relationship with - it's just not the relationship for you.

Why are you allowing him to keep you on the back foot like this?
It sounds like you just wait around on his convenience, while he treats you like staff & your home like a free hotel.

KettrickenSmiled · 17/08/2022 16:33

If he doesn’t want you on a lads heavy drinking then fair enough, but why can’t you meet his mates another time? Bbq, pub lunch, festival, etc?

Probably because his only form social life is boozy, laddish, obnoxiously pissed nights out with the people OP is not allowed to meet?

Essexgalttc · 17/08/2022 16:33

I’m 27 and my husband is 30
We met when I was 22 and he was 26 and both introduced each other to our friends. We are now all friends - his friends are my friends, my friends are his.

I would find it very very odd if after a year I hadn’t met any of his friends. It seems very much so that you are both very involved in each other’s lives. I know some people say that a year isn’t very long but it’s not like it’s a short amount of time either.

He could be hooking up with other people on nights out or he could just not want you to meet them for other reasons but either way he is hiding from and avoiding it.

Does he not have any friends with partners? Could he not set up a double date?

It is a red flag 🚩 in my personal opinion. That’s not me saying he is cheating, but he is definitely hiding a reason as to why meeting his friends.

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 17/08/2022 16:34

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:29

I wanted to do this, I asked my two girl friends to crash his night out without him knowing 🤣 but they weren’t down for it! I need new friends 🤣🤣 .. then I kept saying to my bf I’m gonna crash his night out but he wouldn’t tell me where he was going so I couldn’t lol but I could if easily found out lol

Ok I'll be honest: that does sound a tiny bit mental OP.

SunnyD44 · 17/08/2022 16:37

I wanted to do this, I asked my two girl friends to crash his night out without him knowing 🤣 but they weren’t down for it! I need new friends 🤣🤣 .. then I kept saying to my bf I’m gonna crash his night out but he wouldn’t tell me where he was going so I couldn’t lol but I could if easily found out lol

I can see why he doesn’t want you to meet his friends.

You do seem quite intense.

He rarely goes out as he works full time and has a daughter but you want to go with him when he does.

Relationships are healthy and last longer when you both have your own space.

Essexgalttc · 17/08/2022 16:37

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:29

I wanted to do this, I asked my two girl friends to crash his night out without him knowing 🤣 but they weren’t down for it! I need new friends 🤣🤣 .. then I kept saying to my bf I’m gonna crash his night out but he wouldn’t tell me where he was going so I couldn’t lol but I could if easily found out lol

Your “serious” partner doesn’t tell you where he’s going on nights out?

🚩

Angelcakee · 17/08/2022 16:39

@beccberry24 I wouldn't worry too much, I mean it's annoying but it sounds like you two spend alot of time together which is not bad but its probably just his 'me time' even in past relationships where i absolutely love my boyfriends I still prefered to be with my friends on my own, that way we can talk about whatever we like etc. I also do have quite alot of boy mates and yeah some of them do some silly things on nights out but majority of the time they were just pulling pranks on eachother, they also did not introduce their girlfriends to eachother until years of being together. Maybe at some point one of his friends will get married/have a baby christening and there is no reason you wouldn't be invited along and that is when you'll meet everyone, after the first meet seems to happen more often. I wouldn't stress, it sounds like you have a nice relationship!

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 17/08/2022 16:39

@Essexgalttc yeah, sounds reasonable if she's threatening to just turn up and make it all weird for everyone.

Puffalicious · 17/08/2022 16:39

Sorry OP, but I find all the 'lol' s and 'haha' s completely ridiculous. I find it hard to believe you're 30 with children. What is that all about? It's no laughing matter that your partner is keeping things from you. Very strange.

Essexgalttc · 17/08/2022 16:42

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 17/08/2022 16:39

@Essexgalttc yeah, sounds reasonable if she's threatening to just turn up and make it all weird for everyone.

I wonder if OP said she was going to crash before her partner was going to tell her where he was going and that’s the reason he didn’t

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 17/08/2022 16:43

Puffalicious · 17/08/2022 16:39

Sorry OP, but I find all the 'lol' s and 'haha' s completely ridiculous. I find it hard to believe you're 30 with children. What is that all about? It's no laughing matter that your partner is keeping things from you. Very strange.

It's not really 'keeping things from her', she knows he has friends, she just hasn't met them.

I bought a Terry's chocolate Orange in Tesco a couple of days ago and didn't tell my wife about it. I'd still say we have a trusting relationship though.

Original poster

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:44

Do I need to show you my driving licence? What’s the way I type gotta do with my age or if I have children? What’s a 30 year old supposed to type like? Sorry if it’s not serious enough for you lol

OP posts:

Spanielsarepainless · 17/08/2022 16:44

There's another woman on these nights out.

SunnyD44 · 17/08/2022 16:46

Who looks after his daughter when he goes out?

Original poster

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:47

She’s with her mum, he only has her for the day. He doesn’t go out & I’m left with her he’s child free at this point

OP posts:

Essexgalttc · 17/08/2022 16:49

@beccberry24 what does he say when you ask to see his friends?

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 17/08/2022 16:53

I have very separate friends to husband. Whilst we have couple friends I never socialise with mu friends and husbands or his friends and wives.

I don't understand why partners have to be forced on friends.

Cosycover · 17/08/2022 16:53

I think cocaine