Boyfriend won’t let me meet his friends…

[beccberry24]

So I’ve been with my boyfriend coming up a year now, he’s at my house every single day after work & we spend weekends together. He’s met my children, my family & my friends, overall things are good BUT he for some reason won’t let me meet his friends. I’ve taken him out with me when I’ve been out with my friends a few times now but I’m still get to meet his. I’ve mentioned it quite a few times now & he just says it’s ‘lads night’ & no girlfriends are going. I’ve met his family & daughter (we have her at the weekend) & it’s public knowledge we’re together even on social media but his friends it’s like they’ve got the plague & I’ve gotta stay away (that’s how I feel lol) … we’ve recently had an argument where he’s said he’s going out with his mates on Friday & I jokingly said ‘oh thanks for the invite’ he’s then took that as me saying he’s not going out & im being controlling like his ex?!!! Wtfff lol I just dont know why it’s such an issue for me to meet them, I wanna know more about him & what kinda people he surrounds himself with. I know I can trust him a million zillion percent that’s not an issue but the not meeting them is for me. I just find it so weird, am I being unreasonable?? Help lol

I’ve tried this numerous times, I’ve had parties at my house & I’ve said invite your mates but he says they live too far lol I said they could stay over as my children were with there dad. Just doesn’t make sense … all I can put it down too was his ex never let him do anything, she never wanted him to go out or even go the gym so I feel like he keeps his mates separate so he’s got full control over it or something … he went out last weekend & I ironed his clothes before he went is that me saying I don’t want him going out 🤣

took that as me saying he’s not going out & im being controlling like his ex?!!!

Oh I hate this, my ex used to say that to me as well, I didn't care if he went out but he'd want to go out and spend the last of our money for the week on drink, that was my issue.

Why didn't he iron his own clothes though? :/

The clothes thing he was at work & running late so I said I would iron them for him.

His daughter is 2, we have her a lot & I don’t see why treating her as my own has anything to do with it? lol a year is a long time

Im 30 & he’s 24 … yeah I know age gap lol & I did put it down to him being younger than me & that being the reason he didn’t want me to meet them. You wouldn’t think he’s 24 tho he acts older than me lol he even looks older than me but with the friend thing I guess I’ll never know

You're right. It doesn't make sense. Why would you meeting his friends mean you suddenly stopped wanting him to go out? Unless there is something about his friends or the way they behave on nights out that you might not like.
Either way the secrecy is odd and even if what he says about his previous gf is true, it just doesn't make sense as an explanation for why you're not allowed to meet any of his friends, ever.

OP you need to stand up for yourself here

If he is staying with you every night he needs to do more than pay toward food, are you crazy

He is definitely hiding something about his friends

I can see a scenario where he rarely meets up with mates and when he does it’s a lads’ night so it would be odd to bring a girlfriend along in order to “introduce” her. That could be really awkward.

Does he never see his friends other than in a big group of lads?

Could you have a party and invite them all, or invite a couple round for a meal or something? That would be a less awkward way of meeting them than crashing his lads’ night.

Due to the way you’re typing and the use of ‘lol’ I’d say you’re around my age or even 24 like it says in your name.

At our age it really isn’t by force to be introducing your man to your friends and vice versa. If you’d been together 5 years then I’d understand. You’ve only been together for 1 year, why do you need to meet his friends just yet? He’s probably thinking that there’s no rush

Exactly that, it just doesn’t make any sense. I’ve even asked my friends & they find it weird too! He’s said from day one he wants to marry me, do I meet his mates at our wedding or still never? 🤣

I wish I was 24 🤣 that’s just how I type

Maybe his friends are a strange bunch? I didn't meet my DH's friends until we had been together for about 5yrs due to distance and they are a funny bunch tbh. They all know each other through a niche hobby and talk rubbish when they are together. Nice enough but I've got nothing in common with them. Even 20yrs on I can put faces to names and pass the time of day with them but there's nothing beyond that.

Yeah maybe it’s this I don’t know lol probs all weirdos haha

The more you update this thread, the more it sounds like he sees you as the hired help TBH. You look after his child (who is only a toddler FFS!), you iron his clothes and have him round every nihjt and his child every weekend. But he fucks off on a night out with his mates without you? Yup, you're his new mum.

Something doesn't add up, are you sure he's with his mates ? Do you both go out at the same time or are you stuck at home looking after his daughter? l would be inclined to find out where he' s going and surprise him, say your mate wanted to go to same venue. My gut feeling is he' s cheating.

He’s always with me when we have his daughter, I never have her alone we’re always together with her. He does a lot for me I can’t fault him on that, he does housework the lot he’s great with my children. This is the only downfall with his mates, it’s just so strange.

Oh fair enough. My bad!😂 the age comment still applies though. If you guys are in your 30s then yeah it seems weird

Because he's 24 I'm going to guess that he'd be embarrassed by bringing his g/f out with his friends, he probably acts differently with them so he'd either have to let them see him being different or you...........that's my armchair psychology evaluation anyway 🤔

No it’s fine 🤣 makes me feel young haha .. he’s 24 so maybe alot to do with it!

Probably afraid his wife/other GF's will find out about you.

You've got yourself a cocklodger who is using you as a live in nanny in your own home. His mates are the least of your problems here.

He’s hiding something or he’s more worried about the age gap and what his mates my say then he’s letting on.
There is no reason to hide his friends away unless something will get said that he doesn’t want you to hear.

*than

He got someone pregnant at 21, has a baby at 22, a two yo at 24, GF of a year, says he wants to marry you?

He's doing way too much old-man crap and I think his mates are more like typical 24 yo blokes and the two worlds don't gel. Either he'll revert to 24, or he's actually an old man trapped in a young body, or he'll try to keep both lives going.

I do suspect having a 30 yo to iron and help with his child is attractive at the moment but isn't his long-term plan.

Nothing about the situation sounds right to me. You're 30, with your own children and have got together with a 24 year old who lives at home with his dad and has a daughter to take care of. But it is you who is providing the housing and space for that at weekends. This in itself a big step and I would think based on this you are in a serious relationship. However you can't even have a proper up-front conversation about the fact you don't know what company he keeps or where he goes, without him accusing you of controlling him like his ex did?! It all sounds so incredibly childish on one hand, but far too serious on the other. I feel sorry for all the children involved to be honest