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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend won’t let me meet his friends…

153 replies

beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 14:57

So I’ve been with my boyfriend coming up a year now, he’s at my house every single day after work & we spend weekends together. He’s met my children, my family & my friends, overall things are good BUT he for some reason won’t let me meet his friends. I’ve taken him out with me when I’ve been out with my friends a few times now but I’m still get to meet his. I’ve mentioned it quite a few times now & he just says it’s ‘lads night’ & no girlfriends are going. I’ve met his family & daughter (we have her at the weekend) & it’s public knowledge we’re together even on social media but his friends it’s like they’ve got the plague & I’ve gotta stay away (that’s how I feel lol) … we’ve recently had an argument where he’s said he’s going out with his mates on Friday & I jokingly said ‘oh thanks for the invite’ he’s then took that as me saying he’s not going out & im being controlling like his ex?!!! Wtfff lol I just dont know why it’s such an issue for me to meet them, I wanna know more about him & what kinda people he surrounds himself with. I know I can trust him a million zillion percent that’s not an issue but the not meeting them is for me. I just find it so weird, am I being unreasonable?? Help lol

OP posts:
tootiredforanything · 17/08/2022 15:44

Possibly he likes you so much that he doesn't want you to meet his friends as they may be "a waste of space",
and therefore he's concerned you may change your views towards him?

WinterMusings · 17/08/2022 15:45

It's weird! Hiwever I think I've definitely reached the age where most of the things 'young people' do is weird.

I will say one thing though, don't waste years, treating his daughter like yours, not being included in nights out with his mates & subbing his living costs (and yes you are!!) at your childrens expense, to find yourself in the same place in 5 years time. Whilst he gets married to Miss25 & has a proper relationship with her & his daughter.

45hopperbunny · 17/08/2022 15:45

Oh he’s 24. Well I’m 23 and literally none of my friends have ever introduced their partners to anyone.

One of my good friend who is 26 introduced his partner to us once he had proposed😂 I introduced ex dp to my friends once I was pregnant. Some people just introduce people at different stages especially at our age. Maybe he hasn’t told your friends about your age gap? (whatever that may be)

WizardOfAus · 17/08/2022 15:47

He hasn't introduced you to his boy-pals, because you're his mum.

Original poster
beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 15:48

They all know how old I am that’s not a secret lol I always make a joke about the age gap but he doesn’t care it’s not an issue for him. At the beginning it was more an issue for me but I liked him obvs lol .. also no children have been harmed in this process Jesus, my kids & his child are very well looked after, well fed & spoilt rotten lol

OP posts:
45hopperbunny · 17/08/2022 15:50

He may not care about the age gap but it may be a different story when you’re introduced and all his friends are trying to ‘banter him’ about your age.

Anyway I’m just speculating, I don’t know him from Adam so I’m just guessing based on the information you’ve given

Sowhatp · 17/08/2022 15:52

In my experience, not letting you meet friends after being together a while is typically a giant red flag.

Think about it, what good valid reason would a year long boyfriend have for keeping you meeting his friends? There are none.

Original poster
beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 15:52

Yeah I appreciate your advice, I don’t think my age would even be mentioned. I don’t look 30, I look like I’m still 17 haha it’s a running joke in my family & also because I’m short so doesn’t help either 🤣

OP posts:
MarshaMelrose · 17/08/2022 15:52

Why don't you have a barbecue or something and invite some of your friends and his friends round. He can't say it's 'lads only' then.

Original poster
beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 15:53

Your right there isn’t, absolutely no reason when they know about me. The whole world does.

OP posts:
Original poster
beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 15:53

I’ve tried this, he says they live too far out lol

OP posts:
Sowhatp · 17/08/2022 15:54

He's trying to hide something either from you or from them imo

BowiesJumper · 17/08/2022 15:56

How far away do they live? How many are we talking about? Does he have a “best” mate? It’s a bit odd yes. Perhaps he doesn’t have any friends?

MarshaMelrose · 17/08/2022 15:57

I’ve tried this, he says they live too far out lol

Hmm. Does he never have friends over to his house, then?

Original poster
beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:01

Yeah he’s got one main mate who he plays on the ps4 with, my bf speaks to me when he’s on the game & his mates on the Mic so he knows I’m there.

He doesn’t have his mates at his because he’s always at mine lol I’ve said to invite them round he won’t.

Ive also said I feel like he’s hiding something from me, how can I meet everyone around him yet not his friends? Weird

OP posts:
Maunderingdrunkenly · 17/08/2022 16:05

How often is he on his ps4?
Where does he actually live when he’s not with you?
The age gap obviously bothers him otherwise he’d introduce you - the old thing of watch what he does not what he says.
He has a job right?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 17/08/2022 16:09

I'm not a fan of having my partner with me when I go meet my friends for a drink. I want to go talk rubbish with them about sci fi, computer games, rugby, politics, all stuff my DP isn't particularly interested in, so I'd rather meet them alone. She's the same with her friends. We've got some couple friends that we've met and see as a couple, but we met them after we got together.

I'm not particularly a fan of having different groups of my friends meet, either, or friends meeting my family. I worry about whether everyone is going to get on, and would rather just have a relaxing evening with people I know like each other

My DP has met most of my mates, because we've been together for 14 years at this point, and because I was living with two of them when we met, but it's not something that probably would have happened quickly otherwise.

absolutelyanythingwilldo · 17/08/2022 16:09

Typical MN response of red flags and LTB!

I've registered just to post this. I was exactly the same, my friends and my (now wife) never met.

Why? I like my friends (although lost contact with many of them now) but most of them are dicks tbh and I would have been so embarrassed if my wife met them. I was quite happy not having those 2 parts of my life cross. Nothing untoward or sneaky going on, but it's like the music you'd only listen to when no one else is around. If you've met his family and he's not hiding you away then just leave it.

Original poster
beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:10

When he’s not with me he goes home, he lives with his dad & he goes on the PlayStation at weekend usually probs fri/sat evenings it’s not a lot tbf.

Yes he’s got a job, he’s got his own business.

OP posts:
SunnyD44 · 17/08/2022 16:11

I wouldn’t let my boyfriend come out with me and my friends and I’d hate if one of my friends brought their partner too.

I have nothing to hide but I don’t get to go out with my friends very often and someone’s partner being there changes the whole dynamic.

It sounds like he’s with you the majority of the time and the only time he’s not is when he goes out with his friends which isn’t that often and you want to tag along too, which isn’t really fair.

What myself and my friends do sometimes is have their partners drop them off for a night out so you can meet them and say hi and stuff but then leave them to get on with their night.

Original poster
beccberry24 · 17/08/2022 16:12

Yeah maybe it is this, I’m now thinking he acts like a complete dick when he’s with them so he probs won’t want me to see that side of him I’m guessing.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 17/08/2022 16:13

How did you meet?

Cosycover · 17/08/2022 16:14

What time does he come home when he goes out with his friends?

rejectshampoodemandtherealpoo · 17/08/2022 16:15

It doesn't add up does it?

You trust him a million zillion

but

You can't have an honest conversation about why you don't meet his friends?

It might even just be he does have lads' nights and that's that. But he should discuss it openly. If he doesn't discuss it openly enough to satisfy you then how can you trust him a million zillion percent?

Impossible. It's one or the other.

excellentday · 17/08/2022 16:16

It is odd. Even more so with your updates as you seem to live like a very contented couple and nothing is hidden. For some reason that he won't disclose he does not want you to meet his friends.
Therefore the only thing I can think is that they either do not know how serious the 2 of you are. Or he is a total twat when he goes on a lads night and does not want you to realise this (or his friends to realise he is actually not a twat when not with them).
Its bloody weird though.
I think after a year i'd be forcing the issue. How far away do they actually live?
I'd be inisting on inviting a group of both of your friends over for a BBQ, and when he says they live too far away, tell him thats their decision, invite them anyway. If he still refuses, demand outright why not.

Alternatively, on his next lads night out, find out where hes going. Grab a group of your mates and head to the same town, to accidently bump into them and of course need to say Hi.