To think you can be out too much with children?

[Suttonnew]

Before I had children, I believed being active was best. For a while we were almost never in.

I do think getting out every day is important, but I think this can be excessive. I’ve come to realise with my own children the more you do, the more they expect - i don’t mean in a financial or materialistic sense but more that the more you’re out and about the more energy and the more active they become, which results in children who can become a bit manic as they are never given a chance to wind down!

AIBU or have others found this?

I think it's really important to let children have free, unstructured time to allow them to rest, reset and get bored - hopefully giving them an opportunity to use their imaginations. You don't have to 'fill' or 'schedule' each hour.

To an extent. I have been out and about a lot with my dd since the early days (although we had a long break from that with COVID). She is very alert and needs a lot of one on one interaction. She likes to be out all the time and complains when it’s time to go home. I don’t know how much it’s learnt behaviour and how much that is just her innate personality. She is also an only child and that plays into it. But there are lots of benefits to being like this. She is very confident and sociable and I am not worried about how she will cope when she starts school. But yes, she needs a lot from me.

I've heard quite unpleasant people say they don't like taking children anywhere as it 'gets them all worked up' but it's a rather awful thing to believe.

Never went out every day as a kid and don't do that with my own kid either. It's unnecessary. It's not bad for kids to be a bit bored. There are many things for them to do indoors anyway. But then, I don't come from a family where "getting out" everyday is some important thing to do.

Yeah I definitely don’t think you need to be out every day with kids. We tend to go out 2-3 times a week in the holidays, plus tend to go to my parents for a day. Then there’s a few days we don’t go anywhere. I agree with a pp, it’s good for them to have time to be bored.

But having said that, I have 3 DC and we have a garden and play room. So there’s plenty of space for them to play and they have each other to play with. If you had less space or DC I could see why you would want to be out with them or often.

I was an only child and so is my DD. I still never wanted to go out every day as a kid, and neither does she.

I didn't take my children out every day. I had neither the money or the inclination.

Days at home learning to entertain themselves are just as important for development as going out every day.

Completely agree.

I also think its important for kids to not have everything catered for them my friends who go out everyday all day with kids are doing kids activities so the kids then learn to expect that as they grow up

Absolutely! Children are a bit like dogs really, they need down time to process what they have seen, done, learned, experienced. Keep them 'topped up' all the time and they get a bit hyper in my experience!

I could be misunderstanding, but was this a round-about-the-houses way of calling me unpleasant?

Of course I am not saying we should never take children anywhere, and I clearly said I think getting out of the house is important. We were out this morning (830-12, including travelling time) and home for nap. But whereas six months ago I’d be thinking what to ‘do’ this afternoon, I now think it’s better after a busy morning to have some downtime.

My kids loved being at home just as much as having days out when they were younger at weekends and in school holidays. After a couple of full on days out, they loved a chill day, playing in the garden, watching films and being on iPads. They never liked doing too many after school activities, maybe 1 or 2 days but they liked being at home after a day of school. They are teens now and as much as they love being out with friends, they still love lazy days. It’s good if they can be happy doing not a lot sometimes.

I get a bit cross with people who are taken aback when I don’t want to go out all day with my children. They tend to be the same people who think that, if the sun is out, it’s dreadful to not be outdoors (with children or not).

Children are all different aren't they? I have one who even as an adult can't stand staying in, and another who is a home body.
Some people are happy to entertain themselves, others need external stimulation.
As a parent I think the best approach is to offer a balance and you can tweak and tailor it as their preferences become more apparent. As long as they get some fresh air and excercise and some quiet time each day, how you weight that depends on lifestyle and personal preference.

I only came across the opinion that children should be out every day on MN my children don’t like going out every day and prefer to stay in and chill some days

I take my two out most days otherwise they start getting a bit stir crazy but I totally agree that needs to be balanced with down time at home. I find my nearly 5yo DS plays most creatively when he's being a bit ignored, so definitely agree with PPs that it's good to allow time for them to be a bit "bored". Often our trips out will just be to the local park for a run around / play on swings.

I think if we'd been out 8.30-12 we'd def be thinking in terms of spending the rest of the day at home. In fact I find that rhythm often works really well - out and about in the morning, back home for lunch (and nap for 2yo), then afternoon playing at home.

Growing up in the 60s and 70s, we had a week or two away in a holiday cottage in England and that was about it. Not these constant days out. We had a recreation ground nearby, so we played there a lot, we went to town together or to see friends and relations in their houses. We had a paddling pool in the garden. We walked and cycled everywhere, no parental taxi service. At the weekend we might get taken to a historic house and garden, a picnic in nearby countryside or to an outside swimming pool. But we were responsible, in the main, for our own entertainment, most of it outside and involving exercise to do it.

Depends what you mean by “going out”. If it’s a structured activity like soft play then yes, they probably can have too much. However if you mean outdoor time in general then I think YABU. My 4yo loves having time in the garden or in the local park or on the beach and will happily sit and play imaginative games with his trucks, play hide and seek, kick a ball around etc. He settles and sleeps better when he’s had an active day than when he’s just been indoors all day.

I think it's really important for them to have time for free unstructured play outdoors in all weathers too, if you haven't got a big garden, that might mean going to the park, playground, woods etc every day. But I do think that is different to having lots of organised outings and trips.

Tbh we rarely ever go out. DC play out with their friends, especially DC 2, but we hardly ever have big days out (or even small days out). We have no money and can't afford fuel let alone anything else.

Yeah of course!

My friend schedules every second with her kids, don’t know how she does it, mine would go crazy - overwrought, spoiled, tired, not knowing how to wind down etc.

I am out a lot with mine. In central London. Public transport, car, holidays etc

It encourages independence, curiosity, culture, shows them different worlds and increases their capacity for knowledge. We have a day after to recover but do I want couch potatoes who aspire to watching east Enders as a treat. No.

I agree with this. No way do I take my kids out to an activity every day, but I take them out every day, even if it’s just a walk round the local woods.

Depends what you mean and the ages and the type of child you have.
I don’t think an afternoon in the park is that different to an afternoon in the garden- accept I don’t have the clean up after the former

Agree with this