To think you can be out too much with children?

[Suttonnew]

Before I had children, I believed being active was best. For a while we were almost never in.

I do think getting out every day is important, but I think this can be excessive. I’ve come to realise with my own children the more you do, the more they expect - i don’t mean in a financial or materialistic sense but more that the more you’re out and about the more energy and the more active they become, which results in children who can become a bit manic as they are never given a chance to wind down!

AIBU or have others found this?

Children need a balance of outdoor/ active time and unstructured downtime to entertain themselves.

There's going out to structured activities/ big days out, and there's popping out to parks/ open spaces and being spontaneous.

I often to joke that I try to tire my DCs out but they just tend to get even fitter. That's a good thing though!

I didn't find this but there were many restful afternoons - and long days out were often followed by a day in the house.

I still face criticism from family and other mothers by having the out so much - but they often forgot we didn't have family to pop to or have round and as I was SAHM then they weren't in childcare setting till preschool age - though early years of school we did often head out in holidays as well.

I felt better mentally for being out the house, and having the out in the morning often meant they were quite in afternoons.

I think it does depend on the child and what your doing - long time in car or sat still will mean less energy burnt off - so classes weren't great but free playing toddler groups with songs/stories at end were great.

We were out this morning (830-12, including travelling time)

We would likely have been home after that - though as they got to later toddler early school years we might do one or twice that week an low key afternoon activity out on top - but it would depend on how they were.

When I got a dog, I read about how best to exercise him. One thing said that you can take a dog for too many walks, so their fitness keeps improving and they require more and more exercise to really wear them out. That pretty much sums up what has happened with my children. 🤦‍♀️
We’re a very active family, so we’re out most days, but as the children have got older and no longer have enforced rest time through naps, I’ve made much more of an effort to build in quiet time at home. I think this is especially important now that some of the time they spend out is in more structured activities such as lessons or teams.

I agree with you. I have teen dc now but when they were little we had lots of days of being at home. Dc loved it and were not into organised activities so much.

I had a friend who had dc around the same age, (but she had more of them) and their lives were organsized with military precision. They were rarely at home and did many many after school clubs and weekend clubs and summer camps etc.

They often ate their dinner or did their homework in the car which I thought odd.

They were USELESS at entertaining themselves too and fought constantly unless they were in an activity and separated. They also did not play imaginatively and didn't read.

I always secretly thought they were overly entertined and fell apart when left to their own devices

As a kid I read, made dens, made whole worlds using plasticine, drew, wrote stories, baked etc and my dc were very very similar

I agree that constant structured activities, play dates, theme parks, holidays, soft play, museums etc are not good for children. However I wouldn't class going out for a local walk or coming food shopping with me as 'going out'.

It depends whether they get enough exercise. Most children don't. Clearly children who are out and about, doings sports and swimming and generally running about at the playground, will have more energy than sedentary children who spend most of their time sitting at home.

Like most things, there's a balance. If you mean, do you have to take your children to theme parks, adventure playgrounds and days out at country parks and NT properties the whole time or you're not a good parent, then clearly not. And a day now and then chilling out at home is probably a good thing. But parents also need to make sure their children are active and meeting the daily guidelines for exercise and physical activity... and if you're doing that, an unfortunate side-effect that you just have to deal with often is having a child with more energy who wants to get out and about more.

I tend to agree. I work (part time in the holidays) and part of me would love to go on loads of days out and we do go out a fair bit but I'm really careful to make sure my daughter has days at home to just potter and do unstructured play and generally relax.

My husband and I are both self employed and run our own business so my kids have come to work with us since they we a few weeks old
We are busy people and hate being home with "nothing to do"
If we're not at work (which the kids love) we're on day trips out (beach,London) or even just wandering around shops in town
My 3 year old cries when I take him home and says he wants to go to "work" and whenever he sees me getting his jacket and shoes he's always excited to go in the car
Although when it's been a hectic few days I do make a point of staying home so he can play with his toys and watch movies and just be lazy
I think the balance is up to you and your child

As my kids got older they played out with the neighbours kids. There doesn't seem to be much of that on MN.

We also didn't have a local wood or beach to go to every day.

I think everyone (including children) need down time. I try and have one active day going somewhere on a weekend and one day to relax at home (we will usually still do an activity like craft or baking). It helps DC recharge as well as me

I don't go out to an activity every day but we do get out, be it to the woods for a walk or the park for a play, every day. I think my need to get out stems from my dog owning days. Today we have been to a local wildlife reserve and just walked, the toddler did some walking and some riding in his buggy then played in the woods for a bit. Afternoons are for his nap then some pottering in the house or garden, TV tends to only be on after dinner just before bed time.

Not everyone lives in an area where children can play out, I’m on a main road kids don’t play out here

I don't take the kids out every waking minute, but we do leave the house to do something "fun" for them at least once a day. Whether that's the park / a picnic / softplay or similar / a friends house / a play date etc. Usually we get up every morning, breakfast, dressed and out for the morning. Then back home for lunch nap (they are 1 and 3).

I think it depends what sort of person you are, but I do agree and actually had a similar conversation the other day with a friend where we agreed that because we have always taken the children out a lot, it has become learned behaviour and now every morning we get "mummy what are we doing today". Other friends we know who rarely take the kids out don't have that problem, and they're happy to play at home the whole day.

Personally, the idea of spending an entire day indoors with two toddlers is my idea of a living hell, so if it means I've raised children who need entertaining then I guess I've made my bed. The eldest is very good at independent play and is happy to run around the house and garden alone, but then he is a covid baby. The youngest requires a lot more 1-1 attention.

As my kids got older they played out with the neighbours kids. There doesn't seem to be much of that on MN.

Last place we lived I used to wonder where all the kids actually were - even when out and about with mine it was so rare to bump into other children we knew.

Turns out they were with extended family - GPs cousins, in childcare, in paid activities often sport related or on big expensive days out or perusable having quite days at home. They frequently weren't interested in meeting up at all.

Moved here and kids do play out by late primary age.

presumably - not perusable wasn't even aware that was a word.

I do a lot of babysitting for different families and childcare for my DD. It depends on the child. Some children's development does better being out and about (I include shopping, using public transport etc). I can't stand a day in the house with toddlers that are out the nap stage. Mine and my GC needed exercise to sleep. My adult children are still high energy, do active jobs and the gym, hiking etc on days off, so it was a personality thing. My youngest GC goes stir crazy around 1pm. As said it also depends on your living conditions. When I worked with families, there were children whose development was suffering because they lived in flats and didn't get out much. You can't speak for others.

I think being out of the house nearly every day is important.
But if you mean structured activities and paid for attractions then I agree.

Everyone needs some downtime. Childcare knows this and builds in downtime such as reading a story.

I have a 7 YO and a 5YO. 7YO is content doing a mix. 5YO is a child that can't be cooped up indoors, it doesn't mean big extravagant things but he has to be out daily. I highly suspect he will be someone who has a practical career and adventurous lifestyle. It's just who he is. Forcing him to stay in doesn't work.

We've always spent some time outside every day as the kids seemed to need it. As they've grown, they need less time, and less frequency. We also spend plenty time on tv/games/toys/drawing etc but that's in addition to outdoor time.

It’s interesting how some people are answering with the assumption I mean either not going out at all or that I mean being out all the time, when this is exactly what I mean.

With very young children who still nap my day is naturally split anyway, so it’s usually out for morning or afternoon but home for the other ‘half’ or the day

I think it's important for kids to have some unstructured time to get bored and use their imagination or they struggle to entertain themselves when they're not doing an activity.

When DD was little we would generally go out on the mornings sometimes just to run errands, to to the library etc other times to a structured activity session/soft play etc and then afternoons were generally just chilling out at home or going to the park (we lived in a flat so no real outside space for her to play so we'd walk the 5 mins to the local park) with maybe one or two swimming/dance classes a week. We might do the odd play date or full day activity (going to a theme park/fun day etc) but they weren't hugely regular activities and were definitely treats.

Her cousin of a similar age was always scheduled for something - play dates, soft play, activities, swimming/dance/music/language lessons, so much so that when you'd pick him up from something his first question was invariably "What are we doing next?" Or "Where are we going now?". He's a lovely boy but he has always struggled to just be bored or entertain himself, he's always looking to an adult to offer a structured activity or something to do, if you just say "Go and play" he lasts about 5 minutes because he doesn't know how to deal with unstructured time to do what he wants ... DD on the other hand is more than happy entertaining herself independently without needing adult input.

We don't leave for more than 4 hours, six at a real push- for the dog. And that's the perfect amount for us!

I had a strange experience when my DD was about eight. She met a friend she loved at an art course in the holidays. They got on so well that at the end of the week, my DD asked if we could invite this child to our home to play. I said yes and got her mother's details off the nanny who brought her back and forth every day. The mother basically said "fine" but don't ask me, ask the nanny who schedules all of their extra curricular activities. Nanny was less than helpful and said that this girl and her sister were busy with piano, gym, ballet etc etc and had no time to play! I persisted BC my DD was upset, and I thought it was a bit upsetting for this child not to be able to chill out and play, but no, it turned out that every single spare hour of this child's life and that of her sister's were filled with activities out of the house and chilling with friends was not a priority. Very sad imho.

Yes I do think children's lives can be too structured and the more it's given, the more it's needed.

I have 4 DC aged from 13yrs to 5yrs and I think a good mix of, things all done together as a family, individual structured activities (clubs/sports etc.), time spent doing 'boring' adult activities for the benefit of the adults and time at home where they have to find things to do themselves.

I had sons so like dogs they needed exercise, the garden was fine some days. Winter was harder so many layers but I'd still go out to playgroup. Afternoon they were stuck indoors more. If we'd lived in a flat we'd probably have escaped more