To think you can be out too much with children?

[Suttonnew]

Before I had children, I believed being active was best. For a while we were almost never in.

I do think getting out every day is important, but I think this can be excessive. I’ve come to realise with my own children the more you do, the more they expect - i don’t mean in a financial or materialistic sense but more that the more you’re out and about the more energy and the more active they become, which results in children who can become a bit manic as they are never given a chance to wind down!

AIBU or have others found this?

With ours it was sports interests from a young age. It helped them to work off excess energy and development education benefits I believe

I think a balance is important and there are different versions of what being in or out mean when talking about doing things with children.

I LOVE being out with my children but mainly long walks, exploring new parks, taking them on bikes/scooters etc. I know some of my friends who find that too boring and see being out as theme park, cinema, trampolining etc. My children do these things but not as often so hopefully they appreciate it.

When we’re in I try to limit screen time so they have to find things to do. Sometimes I’ll be involved e.g. board games, baking, crafts but I like it when I can tidy up and they play, draw or make something.

I would hate to be in all day with me on my phone and then on screens all day. We all feel better when we’ve done something with our day.

I take my kids out every day. Even if it's just for a picnic and run around in the park. The kids and I go stir crazy if we're in too long.
They love it and so do I. I guess it's just what suits you and your family.
DH on the other hand is a home body.

I don’t take mine out every single day, I’d be bankrupt if I did. Days at home are fine sometimes, I’ve just had one today in fact and caught up on lots of boring cleaning jobs I’ve been putting off! It’s nice for everyone to chill out at home sometimes.

We are out every day. We are great believers than children need exercise / fresh air / change of scene every day.

Definitely not all day every day usually we just go out for a morning or an afternoon. Usually free or things we have membership for already so national trust, nature reserve, beach We spend alot of time swimming as we have a family gym membership.

I really feel what @illiterato is saying about preparing them to resist screens.

I take mine out a lot they are preteen and if we stay home honestly they ask for TV and Ipad all.the.time. Of course we try and get them to read, play, they can do music and play with toys and each other for a couple of hours definitely. But then it's can I have a snack, I'm hungry, or can I watch TV? We can say no of course but then we have a whole day of sulky conflict and holding the line... its much easier parenting to head out somewhere, bribe them with a lolly to come home again, then let them do an hour of TV with a clear conscience that they have been active.

Trouble is I don't think they are developing the "bored at home" skills enough but I'm not sure how to push it without a really draconian screen ban!

I think home habitat can be a factor here. For instance, we live in a terrace with no garden, tiny back yard. So most days during the hols DD(6) and I go somewhere nearby, we have a nice park a couple of streets away, for an hour or so then once or twice a week we take a trip out somewhere if I have the funds. If we had a nice big garden at home, we wouldn't go to the park as much as DD would happily play in it for hours.

It depends on your child really, I do take mine out but not everyday.
My 7 year old has Autism and is a runner and it's not safe to take him out with my younger child on my own.
I try to do things when husband is not working or when a family member can come.

He is mostly happy when he is at home, but I know my younger child perfers being out so it's finding a balance between the 2.

We have always gone out every day - but it varies from a walk for an hour or so to all day at an attraction . I’ve always had some sort of annual pass like National Trust or an animal park or theme park which I thoroughly use . Mine are now young teens and it’s a strange adjustment as they’re now sorting their own social lives out much more .. if they had nothing planned though I’d still drag them out for a walk to get some air or shove them out the door on their bikes

I think depends on the age of the children mine are 2 and 5 and I really struggle being stuck in the house all day. I feel I need to get out, my partner works from home so they’ll create too much noise and distraction. I think they need to get out the house to let off some stream. They are then much calmer when we get home from a trip out to the park, national trust, soft play etc. and will play nicely at home.

When children are out everyday being entertained they can’t learn to be in their own company.

I urge parents to stop entertaining their children. Let them go out, get dirty, climb trees be messy, get wet. Wear wellies, eat jam sandwiches, get tired.
Hide the Remote for games and TURN OFF Parent's phones.
Talk to the children.

I think a balance is important - even children need their downtime to relax. Too much downtime and you can never get them off technology (especially when they’re older) so we tend to mix it up during our time off together.

Nothing wrong with kids having down time where they entertain themselves, play with friends outside the house etc. You shouldn't have to keep taking them out in the holidays.
Not only is it expensive but like you say they start to expect it and its also hard for you to maintain that pace

There definitely needs to be balance. My kids need to get out of the house every day. But it doesn't need to be a full day or structured activity. A walk to the park/woods/supermarket is fine.

Haven't RTFT but just wanted to tell of a neighbour of mine years ago who used to drive her two kids somewhere every day of the summer holidays. One day, the kids asked if they could 'just play at home like everyone else does' - poor neighbour was SO upset!

I have a friend who does this - she's filled every day in the summer holidays with activities. Sounds exhausting. We have some busy days and some boring days but every day involves being out of the house for at least an hour to walk the dog - teaching them responsibilities.

This is a great point! We talk about limiting children’s screen times but what about our own? They’re learning from us! I have to limit my own time on my phone because I know what a bad example it sets and it stops me from properly engaging with them.

Ive been to the park before and seen parents with young children take loads of photos then lose interest as they’re back on their phone. Sad thing is they’ll think they’re a great parent because they went to the park (and everyone on Facebook will think that as well) when in reality they’re just on their phone.

I think you are right that your children sometimes just need some chill out time at home. Getting board is good for them too. Give them some cardboard boxes or something to build with, great for imaginative play.

Children need to be allowed just to "be" I always feel sorry for children that are dragged from pillar to post so their Mum's can tell the world and Fakebook how perfect they are. Let children play please

As you are not a professional and didn't expect to be paid, you could just charge for the ingredients you purchased plus anything by already had at home, flour,eggs etc. rather than your time, so probably £15/20 max. If you want to charge for your time double that.

I’ve tried to curb it a bit this year as I was always that parent out every day. We don’t have a garden though so some days it would be a walk to the swings and back. We have NT and EH membership and a few places really close by. During lockdown my autistic daughter became fixated on her daily exercise which we did because the days were long at home. I found during lockdown as well that both kids slept badly if we didn’t go out for fresh air and some exercise. We don’t have kids living on our street so they don’t just play out like I did as a kid. I wasn’t taken out daily as a child but I was sent out to play for hours at a time if the weather was decent. If I send my kids out to play they’re home within 10 minutes and bored. On the odd occasion they’ve met a friend at the swings nearby they’ve come home complaining of older bully kids being nasty and tend to find them a bit intimidating. Mine are 10 and 13 now. When they were younger it was my own mental health that I took them out for. I work with children for a living so I’m not scared of playing and interacting with them but too many full days in and I’d be going a bit stir crazy. We went to quite a few baby and toddler groups when they were younger - for them to socialise and for me to meet other mums too. I do try and keep costs down though so not regular days out to places with entry fees. Plenty of free museums locally, the library, as well as the places we’ve joined memberships for. But I have cut back this year. Youngest has embraced this a bit and arranged to meet a friend to play at her house or mine. But autistic child just stays in bed watching tv if I don’t provide structure.

We've never been 'going out' people! We have days out, but they are just as happy with a trip to the supermarket than a full on day out.
They have learnt to entertain themselves at home, play together well, make up their own games, stories etc.
We've been out today but tomorrow will be spent at home, relaxing.

I could have written this myself op!!
I love a day out and love treating dd but she needs to learn how to be at home chilling and dare lmsay even how to be bored!!

I do think it makes a difference as to where you live. We are rural, not so much in the doorstep to do and we have a lovely garden for them to play in. I'd imagine if you're in a flat with no outside space, you'd feel the need to get out more with the children!

Agree. Children need to be outdoors but that’s v different from soft play