To think you can be out too much with children?

[Suttonnew]

Before I had children, I believed being active was best. For a while we were almost never in.

I do think getting out every day is important, but I think this can be excessive. I’ve come to realise with my own children the more you do, the more they expect - i don’t mean in a financial or materialistic sense but more that the more you’re out and about the more energy and the more active they become, which results in children who can become a bit manic as they are never given a chance to wind down!

AIBU or have others found this?

We are always out and about and love it! Not always expensive but I want mine to experience loads of different things, much more than I did as a child as we have more money than my parents did. It’s a real mix - London/forest school days/Sutton Hoo/trampoline park/hedgehog rescue centre/holiday abroad/day at the local park with a picnic/swimming at the pool and in the local river.

@Kentucky83 makes a good point about home environment; it’s much easier to entertain kids at home if you have a big house, garden, playroom, than if you live in a small flat with no outside space. Even things like craft or cooking with kids is harder if you don’t have space at home. It’s not as clear cut as it seems!

Depends on the kid. I can't stand staying in the house with my children. My son goes crazy if he is bored. He is a definitive extrovert. He craves action, and company. We don't do anything fancy most of the time. Just go to the park. Sometimes we go to a different park for a change... lol But we have to get out. Unless you have a huge house and garden, what can you actually do in the house all day?

There is a risk that you over do it though.I've definitely shot myself in the foot trying to entertain the kids all day. They end up exhausted and melt it down.

I do think it's important for children to learn how to entertain themselves a bit and not just be amused by adults laying on activity after activity and day trips/excursions. Its good for kids to have time where they will need to choose what to play with and get on with it without an adult scaffolding.

It depends on the parent and the child. I have a friend who just can't sit at home so her kids are taken out and about everyday. They don't necessarily get a choice. I have a nephew who was an only child and he wasn't very good at independent play, instead he needed a lot of interaction from his mum and she found it tiring. She had to constantly think of things to do with him and would go out a lot otherwise he would be bored

I don't want to do activities daily so my kids don't. In the holidays I would take them to our local park because we had unusually great weather and we did things like the cinema, softplay, adventure playground etc. Days at home were spent setting them up with an activity we could do together or letting them play together, being bored doesn't harm them but rather encouraged them to think of things to do. They play in our garden whatever the weather and the fresh air does them good. I don't like to schedule my children with activities everyday and am happy to be led by them, consequently they don't do more than two hobbies each. I don't wish to spend my free time ferrying them from school to one activity and the next. Lots of parents do and then moan about it, it isn't child abuse because Molly didn't get to go to ballet when she already does swimming, gymnastics and tap.

Those of you who go out every day, what about work?

My GC seem to be out and about all weekend (which they enjoy) but I feel that they do need time to loll about and relax sometimes. They also need to learn to be happy playing by themselves.

When the kids were toddlers and preschoolers we went out every non work/day care day for my own sanity. A few hours at a park in the morning and then afternoons at home.

I always make sure we have at least a day or two between activities so she has free time to rest and do what she likes. She's free to go anywhere in the house or garden and do pretty much any activity but she usually chooses to chill in her room and play minecraft or do colouring. She's 6. When we don't go out for a few days, she will request a "big day out" 😂. I find when we go on holiday for a week she does expect a lot when we're home because we've been so busy and takes a while to calm down.

I like this answer

Those of you who go out every day, what about work?

If I was at work the DC would be out of the house by default because they'd need to be in some sort of childcare, be that daily club or residential camp. This thread is mainly about primary aged kids who cant be left on their own.

I have a relative that spends 90% of the day out and about with their toddler. It looks exhausting to me.

@EthicalNonMahogany Honestly, you are not alone and most of my friends have the same issues. I think one of the factors is that children (as in minors) now have a lot of "childhood" on the end of actual childhood. They grow out of toys well before they are expected/ allowed to take on adult responsibilities that will absorb a lot of their free time- when I was 14 I had a Saturday job and a seasonal sunday job- doubt anyone will employ a 14 year old now! Unless they have at least a few interests to carry them through the many hours they are not in school, they will turn to screens because they're bored and screens truly are "the opium of the masses". They offer such a guaranteed, low effort "fun" hit that few other interests can compete to our monkey brains. Lockdown also really didn't help in this respect as it embedded a higher norm of screentime/ younger age of communicating with friends electronically.

I guess this is why I'm very much middle ground on structured vs unstructured time during early years. My older DC is now into rugby and cricket and the other one likes sailing and rugby. Both of those have involved regular structured activities. Both also had loads of unstructured play/ just playing out with friends when they were younger but once they grew out of toys there's only so much baking, reading and "craft" they're going to do, and they're still too young to be given a total free rein to hang with mates. They have a long school day so screens not really an issue during the week but some weekends I feel like all I hear is "can I have some robucks?".

You've made me think, and I have zero recollection of being taken out as a child by my mum 🫤
I honestly can't remember a single trip to the park or a walk. I don't feel deprived though and I don't recall being unhappy as a child either.
Children get used to their norm. If they get taken out daily, then of course they'll come to expect that just like they expect their breakfast and bathtime. For others that don't get taken out, they won't have any expectation of it.
Strike a happy balance and allow them to have days in, they need time to be bored and the chance to entertain themselves as much as they need stimulation.

I’ve taken mine out every day since she was four weeks old - I had severe PND and couldn’t cope with being at home with my baby all day! That started a routine of going out somewhere every weekday morning (mostly low cost toddler groups, sometimes swimming or the library). As she’s got bigger we’ve found this works well for getting the wriggles out - 2-3 hours out of the house in the morning, home for lunch then unstructured playtime in the afternoon, mostly on her own. In that time she has access to all her toys, books, craft and art materials (not paint!).

She’s now 6yo and this holiday has done a mix of holiday club (covering work), been to the library about once a fortnight. We have several play areas, museums and art gallery within walking distance plus NT properties a short drive away so we’ll often go to one of those for a couple of hours before coming home for lunch. We’re doing a house renovation so there have been some trips to kitchen and bathroom places too.

Today is a trip to the supermarket with the play area near by, home for lunch then unstructured play.

She seems to enjoy the unstructured time (she now makes her own plans for what she’s going to do in it!) whereas some friends’ kids have 3 activities organised per day out of the house which just sounds exhausting to me!

Teacher and single parent so pretty much most weekends and school holidays fall to me. Dad works weekends so sometimes takes them over out during the week or the odd weekend when he doesn’t. Zero hour contract type work too so no work for him no earnings. Term time days obviously they’re at school. I’m part time so only a couple of days in wrap around 7:30-5:30. Term time weekends aren’t as much of an issue as we have one doing a hobby 3 -4 hours on a Saturday morning- early afternoon and the other does a shorter hobby activity during the morning too - I ferry about. Sundays can now be a more relaxed kind of day with less going out. But school holidays are when we used to go out lots when younger, less so now older. But as I mentioned in earlier post, autistic teen craves structure or knowing something is planned and struggles with just going out with friends as the social interaction can get tiring. She even did a week at summer school just for structure and her hobby she enjoys not because of child care reasons which is why most went.

If I wasn’t a teacher and had a job where I had to take my 5-6 weeks holidays throughout the year then they’d likely be in child care some of the holidays which would get them out of the house as well. Although post 13 childcare can be tricky to find. There seems to be a lack of structured activities for teens. Many for send but not send is the same and my DD doesn’t feel she fits in with send specific provision.

I also agree with a previous comment about children outgrowing their childhood earlier. My 9 year old’s birthday list is squishy toys, fidgets, slime and crafts. Her classmate turns 10 around the same time but she’s apparently outgrown toys and her list is designer clothes, designer band bags, having her nails done and eyebrows waxed!! I also remember my eldest when she was about 7/8 still asking for dolls but her classmates were donating all their dolls to the nursery as they had outgrown them. Not just new born dolls but the bar is type ones. I only grew into Marnie type dolls at that age and probably played with them until I was starting secondary school. Unfortunately dolls left our house years ago - the younger dd outgrew younger than the older as she sees the older toys as hers too!! My teen isn’t even bothered with designer clothes and make up yet but I’m not massively into those things either

Bar/Marnie read Barbie!!! Autocorrect!!

I do that much with my DD that when she gets up in the hols, she asks what I’ve got planned for that day.

I don’t think this is good but I’m trying to make the most of summer as we’re in so much in winter & I hate being stuck in all day.

from teatime though it’s tv/board games/calming down

shes an only child so I am basically her playmate.

100%. My children expect so much more then my friends children who go out less. They seem more grateful and easy going. Mine have started to expect plans every single day of the holidays- which I have stupidly done so far. Next week more lazy days

@Jollyhungry I work in a school so I am luckily off when my children are. After school in the summer we do tend to do park trips/dog walks with friends

So today I was with my nephew who has never been allowed to be bored… he is 11 years old and CANNOT entertain himself. He can’t play on his own for even a few minutes. The moment (and I’m talking literally the second an activity finishes) something finishes he shouts “I’m bored” to his mum! It drives me crazy. I’m not a perfect parent, far far from it… but I really think it’s important to let your children be bored occasionally from a young age. So to me, taking them out every single day just doesn’t work.

This is true with my youngest, she seems to have built up an incredible amount of stamina for a 6yo. We stay right next to a large swing park, through the summer she's out there all day, and she still cant settle when its time to come in 🤣 she has endless energy and it's hard to keep her occupied when we have things to do in the house

It depends on what behaviour pattern your child is on parents, those that care anyway will adapt to their child wanting to be out and stimulated most of the day. Then when they’re a bit older they can find it easier to entertain themselves at home. YABU those parent you’re judging for being out all the time with their children could be trying to just keep their sanity!