SIL not coming to get together

[Onlyrainbows]

We're organising this medium size party. DH and SIL don't have the closest relationship and in general they only show up because they drop off presents from my MIL but in 5 years of being together, I think she's only been with us socially at home once (not just because my MIL was here). So maybe it's no surprise that she's not coming, but she doesn't have an excuse, so I've reached a point of why bother?

At least she is not being fake and turning up and then talking about it all. You probably don't know all the ins and outs of what happened with her and brother when growing up. Has she ever brought the children to the cinema or out for an afternoon, maybe you could ask her and say the children would love it (if they are old enough) and maybe she may enjoy doing that and to build a relationship with them. I would give that a try as less pressure on her then and at least you have tried for her and your children to have that relationship.

Our son is too small. My DH was annoyed about it today too, bit he was just like "it is what it is". There will be 16 with us plus kiddos , I'll just make the most of it!

But no friends came out of it?

I’m going to do an AS now!

Bloody. Hell.

By doubts about someone I mean doubts for a senior role in a reputable firm.

It really isn't normal for parties for a one year old to end up with someone on the roof full of tequila.

It is absolutely normal where I come from. Like seriously people open your minds about it. And yes , actually friends did come out of that party but we moved. In fact I had a good circle of friends before we moved. But then we moved and I mostly socialised with my exH colleagues, who obviously remained his friends and not mine (apart from a couple but they've moved away). Some of the people who are coming I've known for 6+ years, there's just never been enough continuity (or closeness) to say "hey I feel low let's grab a coffee".

I think the last time I had a birthday get together with people I'd definitely call my friends was in 2013!

Having worked from home for the past 10+ years has most certainly made me socially awkward IRL

It's not normal here in the uk.

Leaving that aside - some of what you post is very unfiltered. It's not going to give you a professional image for work if someone sees the half of what you posted here.

You really do need to understand that.

It's bizarre and worrying the way you post. And the fact that you never take anything on board and flit around in your answers.

Do you realise quite how identifiable you are?

I'm aware yes. I'm also aware of my company's policies which are ok about everything under the sun apart from a couple of things (mostly around company equipment). Previous big company I worked for was basically the same.

I'm a bit eccentric, but ultimately I don't do illegal nor unethical.

I didn't say unethical or illegal.

You don't show good judgement with what you post here and I would question your professional judgement if I read what you post on here.

I could literally find you if I wanted to and so could the half of mumsnet. And I don't even know you.

I'm also aware of my company's policies which are ok about everything under the sun apart from a couple of things (mostly around company equipment). Previous big company I worked for was basically the same.

These sentences don't even make any sense.

This is what you do. You jump on something someone never said (I never said unethical or illegal I was clear I mean poor professional judgement) and then you post a sentence or two that doesn't make any sense.

It's bizarre.

But ultimately do I show good judgement at work? Have I outperformed my KPIs? What's the feedback loop around my performance? And most importantly, have I brought revenue in?

Besides what's shows such lack of judgment? The internal politics of families?

But have I talked about professional decisions here? You would only ever be able to extrapolate, and that's never an exact science.

You don't get it. I don't know why. But you don't get it

You wanted to wear - and linked to - actual tennis dresses to the office.

There's one off the top of my head.

But ultimately I'm not wearing it, maybe I would have if ai had tried it on. A guy at the convention did go in just some yoga wear, we actually all joked that he was always half naked.

Op

its all coming together now re your somewhat peculiar stance re your SIL

So you are Mexican or live in Mexico?

Theres memes about Irish people and their drinking. Which, while mildly amusing, are not the actual social norm. Irish people do not live to fulfil memes made about us.

Had the drunk person fallen off your roof, it wouldn’t have been blast. It would have been a disaster.

Honestly, I have a senior job and am also ‘eccentric’. What you have described is more than that. And it’s really not surprising she doesn’t want to come, if the party will only be considered great if everyone is absolutely arseholed and someone risks their lives.

i think you need to realise people do not only exist to fulfil a role in your life. You aren’t the ‘main character’ in everyone else’s lives. You choose to live in a way that’s very much not the norm for a lot of people. That will lead some people to not want to be part of your life. And it’s ok for them to make that choice.

She's never been to ANY of my parties, so she wouldn't know what they're like. I only started having them again last December. (She was invited too but didn't come). From that guest list the majority are coming back to this one. Coincidentally the guy on the rook was Turkish and we all laughed how in neither of our countries there's anything even remotely similar to risk management. I even asked my DM and exH today about it and they both remember that party as a great one!

She doesn’t fucking want to come OP

Not to a single one in the past and not a single one in the future!! In the past she’s given excuses, this time - she can’t be arsed anymore to lie.

Leave this poor woman alone 😂

Not everyone enjoys these sorts of wild parties. I didn't even as a young person, and certainly not now. Boring of me? Maybe; but it's not illegal to be boring. Anyway, if for whatever reason(s), SIL doesn't want to come, that's up to her, and you can't force her.

Maybe she just hates parties? I would, can, and do refuse just about all social invitations because I bloody hate socialising. She doesn't want to come - she doesn't need a reason.

Honestly, kids have SUCH a different attitude to homosexuality now, compared to when I was at school. I really don't think your daughter is going to be teased, her classmates likely won't bat an eyelid about that. If she's being inappropriate though, just he'll her, or get your husband to. But if your tolerance is lower because she's behaving like this with another woman (your post suggests you do have a bit of an issue with the fact she's a lesbian), then don't say a word.

Sorry, wrong thread, don't know how that happened!