SIL not coming to get together

[Onlyrainbows]

We're organising this medium size party. DH and SIL don't have the closest relationship and in general they only show up because they drop off presents from my MIL but in 5 years of being together, I think she's only been with us socially at home once (not just because my MIL was here). So maybe it's no surprise that she's not coming, but she doesn't have an excuse, so I've reached a point of why bother?

3 minutes before posting this, you posted that neither of you are very social people.
Which is it?

You invited her, she said no. She doesn't need an excuse not to come to your party.

This is a ridiculous thread.

How can you love hosting parties if you don't have many friends and have barely socialised since moving eight years ago?

I really don't know in the grand scheme of things my FIL (RIP) and my BIL have done much worse. I genuinely doubt is that. All families have flaws mine has gazillions

Looking through your various threads I think there's alot to digest here. Down from your constant need of approval on how you look from strangers, you constant mulling over an event and need for friends and your history with your dh. It seems it would be wise to voice these to your therapist.

OK. Starting to see how you struggle to make friends...

Good god what am I reading.....

Your sil obviously has issues with her brother so doesn't want to see him and maybe she knows the ex longer and the other kids longer so has an established relationship there.

Do you speak to her the same as you do here? Ie making porn movies, needing friends, husband jacking off in toilets etc jeeze I'd leg it as fast as my little legs could carry me.

Maybe just face facts that she doesn't seem to like either of you and there's no point having a relationship with your child as it would mean having to see you regularly.

You've invited her ex-husband to the party and are surprised she isn't planning to attend?

Either you're very dim or this is poor quality trolling.

So, your SIL spends time with your husbands kids from his first marriage, the breakup of which which was tough for everyone so presumably was tough for the kids but doesn’t seem to want to spend time with him, you don’t really know why they broke up. Your husband has been doing things within your marriage which you’ve written about on a forum and other posters remember because it’s so concerning. You had ideas of setting up your own porn company and love having parties which you can’t understand why someone doesn’t want to come which suggests to me that your boundaries are all over the place.

Can you really not understand why SIL might not want to come to your parties?

And most of my time with my therapist is spent around my DM! She also says I should stop trying to make people like me

There is clearly bad feeling from the breakup if she is happy to see your step kids. Just accept that and leave her to it. Don’t bother inviting her.

No my SIL doesn't know much about me. We only ever talk about pleasantries. My SIL and her ex have a very decent relationship, she has been to company parties as his +1 after the divorce (I was there too!) But her partner doesn't like that they're so friendly.

Honesty op looking at your threads your very full on and over share even photos of your body face etc on an anonymous forum it makes zero sense. I can understand you using the forum as a safe space to post but I don't think this is the case. I think you want your ego feeding. I think you thrive from the attention you get off people from your posts. I don't mind it in an unkind way. I suspect your very lonely person who uses mn as an outlet but being full on makes people don't want to interact with you in a meaningful way.

This too.

You're posting all kinds of stuff on a regular basis. Pictures that can be used to identify you. And you seem to struggle with basic decision making which surprises me as you have a responsible job.

I think I have to make so many executive decisions at work that day to day seems tiring.

Why are you so happy to be identified on here?

Professionally, that's not sensible. You must know this.

Ahh he's one of those men, the type who tells their next wife that they never loved the one before and didn't really want to be with them. Or that they only got married for the sake of the children. I've seen my father tell his second wife the same shit about my mother, and then his long term girlfriend who he had another child with, and then the same to his third wife the same about my Mum, his second wife, and the girlfriend.

If he's being honest and truthful and really didn't want to be with her but continued lying to her and having more children knowing he didn't want to be there, I'd have ran a mile when he told you that, because then, how do you know he's not lying to you too and pretending he wants to be with you and the kids? If he put on such a good act he convinced his ex and let her waste years of her life building a relationship with someone who was faking it before they were even married, I'd be reluctant to trust a word he says and about his feelings for you.

It's really hard when you find out someone is so capable of being so convincingly fake and it's possible she doesn't doesn't want to be sucked into another little family set up when the last one she was part of was all an act on his part and he just pretending to want to be there. It might be hard for her ti watch him play the part of happy husband and family man when the last time was all an act.

So all else aside SIl & her brother don't particularly get on & you've invited her ex??

I think it's easy to see why she isn't going!

So you know this causing issues between your Sil and her partner, still invited her ex husband and then say ‘why won’t she come a fulfill a role I need filling’ when she won’t come

i am so shocked there’s people that are so self involved they act like this tbh.

Its not just your dh that’s the issue. It’s you

He's my DHs boss and he invited everyone, it would be rude to exclude him. However I did tell my DH that it would normally be one or the other, but he thinks it's by the by. It's been 6 years or so. We did ask her if she was coming to know what to do about her ex.

Can't understand why everyone is giving you a hard time OP, I get it, it's upsetting when your kind ds don't have these normal close family relationships. It's something you'll have to get past though, your DC will find out the people who love them and it's your SILs loss 💐

Okay, now you're sounding quite strange. If she wasn't keen anyway, no way would she come with her ex there, regardless of whether you think 6 years renders it meaningless or your DH deems it 'by the by'. There's so many odd elements coming out about this that I suspect it's you not your SIL who is BU, and she's wise to stay away. Perhaps other guests will too, whether you love hosting parties or are in fact not sociable. Who knows? All very strange...

Well why bother?
End of the day sometimes people don't want to spend time with certain people, even if they are blood family.

Would you prefer she spent time with you when she didn't want to?

I replied initially that she doesn't need any excuses beyond the reason of not wanting to come. But having read your later posts OP, it sounds like she has dozens of excuses, (or as I would still call them, reasons). You've invited her ex, her brother still works with her ex, her brother has addiction issues with drink and porn and sounds like he may be financially abusive. Is that someone who's party you'd want to go to? Family or no family, I'd be keeping my distance.

So her ex might be there? I'm not surprised that she's not that keen to attend.

Yes, the more and more that you add to this thread, the more weird it gets.

I can't believe you actually think that she would want to come to your party.
You sound very socially unaware from what you have said on this thread.