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Original poster

SIL not coming to get together

174 replies

Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 10:02

We're organising this medium size party. DH and SIL don't have the closest relationship and in general they only show up because they drop off presents from my MIL but in 5 years of being together, I think she's only been with us socially at home once (not just because my MIL was here). So maybe it's no surprise that she's not coming, but she doesn't have an excuse, so I've reached a point of why bother?

OP posts:
Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 16:19

Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 12:32

I really love hosting parties what can I say!!

Who for? Who say you hardly have any friends!

Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 16:20

Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 11:58

Other times we've invited her over she's always had excuse, but this time there was enough notice but she still say she didn't know if she was coming or not and no reason given

She sounds very decent

she could lie but she doesn’t want to

just leave her be op

Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 16:26

are you local to each other OP?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 16:26

In the past and with acquaintances. I've always organised events even if who I invite are more acquaintances than friends.

OP posts:
Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 16:32

Op - how far do you live from her?

so this party… mainly acquaintances with the odd family member thrown in? Is that why you are so keen for her to come?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 16:36

We're fairly local, not even 10mi away. I'm sure some people might consider my acquaintances friends. But I r only told one of them about the issues within my marriage and maybe two about my health issues.

OP posts:
Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 16:41

Op

Ask yourself why you want her to come?

you’re not friends
you hardly know anyone be another
she Has expressed less than zero interest in attending

I am guessing it is just to make up numbers at a party comprising mainly of acquaintances

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 16:49

No I do get down about the lack of adult extended family for my son.

OP posts:
Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 16:51

Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 16:49

No I do get down about the lack of adult extended family for my son.

So you want her to come
for your son?
how old is your son?

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 16:55

He's 3, so he's obviously not aware of anything, but he has no local grandmothers, no grandfathers, and his other uncle lives 8 hrs away, and my sister lives in Europe!

OP posts:
Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 16:59

Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 16:55

He's 3, so he's obviously not aware of anything, but he has no local grandmothers, no grandfathers, and his other uncle lives 8 hrs away, and my sister lives in Europe!

Oh come on op

She doesn’t want to come to your party or see you. She’s hardly like to be particularly interested in your 3 year old son, and he sure as heck won’t be not likely ever will be interested in her

Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 17:02

You need to start thinking about your family (and parties!) as quality rather than quantity.

So why invite a sil who is disinterested and a load of acquaintances?

just invite close family and friends who actively want to spend time with you

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 18:21

Because that's how make / build relationships (at least IME). Plus hosting is fun! There was one party I threw many years ago for my ex husband, and it was such a huge event that we became more social from that point. There was another super awesome party I threw for my DD when she was one, it was like a uni party, there was guy on the roof, tequila sunrise everywhere it was total madness but great!!

OP posts:
dribblewibble · 17/08/2022 18:32

Your SIL doesn't want to come.

CPL593H · 17/08/2022 18:34

Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 18:21

Because that's how make / build relationships (at least IME). Plus hosting is fun! There was one party I threw many years ago for my ex husband, and it was such a huge event that we became more social from that point. There was another super awesome party I threw for my DD when she was one, it was like a uni party, there was guy on the roof, tequila sunrise everywhere it was total madness but great!!

It hardly sounds like a child's birthday party, though. Where was she when the "End of Finals redux" was going on? Very odd.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 18:35

She was with my DM and her other grandparents. But it was a total blast. We tried to pull a similar thing when we moved house but only one guy had a beer

OP posts:
Kite22 · 17/08/2022 19:18

Bizarre.

Thethreecs · 17/08/2022 19:41

Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 18:21

Because that's how make / build relationships (at least IME). Plus hosting is fun! There was one party I threw many years ago for my ex husband, and it was such a huge event that we became more social from that point. There was another super awesome party I threw for my DD when she was one, it was like a uni party, there was guy on the roof, tequila sunrise everywhere it was total madness but great!!

This is getting more strange. Actually I'm doubting this tbh. No one throws a 1st birthday party like this. All I can say is if your sil exists I feel for her. You're very strange.

dribblewibble · 17/08/2022 19:53

Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 18:21

Because that's how make / build relationships (at least IME). Plus hosting is fun! There was one party I threw many years ago for my ex husband, and it was such a huge event that we became more social from that point. There was another super awesome party I threw for my DD when she was one, it was like a uni party, there was guy on the roof, tequila sunrise everywhere it was total madness but great!!

Those parties were with your ex.

And if you have a child's first birthday party with tequila and someone on the roof that's very peculiar.

Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 20:00

Yeah all the bigger parties were with my ex because that was before we moved over here. The bigger parties here were 95% people who he worked with, and I invited a few random school mums. In fact the last "birthday party" I had for myself with my ex all of the guests minus 1 were all his colleagues/friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onlyrainbows · 17/08/2022 20:02

It's cultural there's even memes about it!

SIL not coming to get together
OP posts:
dribblewibble · 17/08/2022 20:21

I'm sorry but if that's the sort of family parties you have I can totally understand why your SIL is giving it a body swerve. Yet another reason.

dribblewibble · 17/08/2022 20:24

Op no harm to you. But.

This is a big website. You're utterly identifiable.

According to you you work in a consultancy role for one of the big four or a firm equivalent and you earn £100k a year.

If you want to be taken seriously in work you need to wise the fuck up about what you're posting and how you behave.

It's not going to do your credibility any good if anyone from your work sees this.

I would have my doubts about someone if I read the half of what you've posted here.

Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 20:38

You remind me very of much of ghostspirit who was a proflic poster on mn some years ago and not in a good way.dribblewibble is right after a search she's indemnified quite alot of personal information about you.

dribblewibble · 17/08/2022 20:39

Bananarama21 · 17/08/2022 20:38

You remind me very of much of ghostspirit who was a proflic poster on mn some years ago and not in a good way.dribblewibble is right after a search she's indemnified quite alot of personal information about you.

@Bananarama21 I haven't even searched. I just remember because I've been worried about the op and the kids and the whole situation. It's a mess.