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Original poster

To not want my flatmate’s gf to come around the house?

131 replies

Busssyb · 17/08/2022 01:48

Whilst I imagine it’s impossible to forbid someone from having a guest over I literally cannot stand this person to the point where I want to move out. I don’t know what else to do. Help.

My flatmate’s gf comes around a few days a week and leaves beer bottles, glasses and plates she’s used lying around the kitchen after she’s left. Her bf refuses to wash them because he claims he didn’t use them, it was her. We end up cleaning after her every single time. She also parks in our neighbour’s space even though we repeatedly ask her not to.

As expected they have sex every single time she’s around and whilst it’s completely acceptable and expected, it is the loudest sex I have ever had to endure. I work from home and have had to stop meetings halfway through because her moaning is so loud that my mic picks it up and it’s beyond embarrassing.

She is also way careless when it comes to our home, she never locks the door after coming in and I’ve even found the door wide open after she’s come through. Never turns lights off and has even left the fridge open overnight and we had to bin most of our food. Last night she left a pile of soaked towels they took the beach on our kitchen wood floorboards which my other housemate saw hours later in the morning. We don’t think there’s any damage to the floor but it is so infuriating to have to put up with this from someone that doesn’t even live here!

We don’t know what to do, we don’t think we can kick him out as technically speaking he’s not the one doing all this but also doesn’t even try to make her treat our house with some respect. Is it even possible to ban someone from your house? What are our options? Should I just move out?

OP posts:
KalvinPhillipsBoots · 17/08/2022 01:49

Instead of telling us, tell her. It's that simple

User8273738273737 · 17/08/2022 01:56

You can definitely kick him out. She’s his guest and, if you have mentioned all of this to him and he won’t address it and continues to bring her over, he is responsible for the problem

RaisinGhost · 17/08/2022 01:57

Definitely tell them. But flat mates bf/gfs annoying behaviour is just something that is always going to happen. Even if you move in with the 40 yo virgin, by the time the ink is dry on the lease they will have shacked up with a messy, indoor pot smoking, unemployed person, who will be there full time and who they have loud sex with daily. It's the law of the universe.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/08/2022 01:59

When both of them are there, say to both of them, "you need to work out who's clearing up her mess because we aren't. Which of you would like to? Also we have bought very sticky unicorn stickers and next time you park in Bob's space, we're sticking them to your windscreen. Since you've agreed not to park there, this should never happen."

WGACA · 17/08/2022 01:59

I would move out. Having noisy sex whilst other housemates are home is just grim.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2022 02:00

Can the 2 of you find a place alone? This sounds pretty stressful.

StClare101 · 17/08/2022 02:02

Who is on the lease? If it’s you and not him then yes kick him out. It’s ridiculous he’s not cleaning up after his guest. If it’s him and not you give notice and go!

BoxOfCats · 17/08/2022 02:05

He is responsible for his guest. If he wasn't there then she wouldn't be visiting at all! Make it his problem every time. If he says "it was her" then tell him it's still his responsibility. If she leaves dishes I would leave them on his pillow until he sorts them out. Make it clear that unless it's sorted out he will be moving out.

Imogensmumma · 17/08/2022 02:12

It’s his guest, tell him he needs to clean up after his guest and ensure his guest isn’t parking in allocated car bays.

Tell him if he doesn’t start policing his guests then he will need to move out.

ittakes2 · 17/08/2022 02:19

She is his responsibility he needs to go speak to your other housemate I am sure they would agree

AlmostAJillSandwich · 17/08/2022 02:35

When they/he goes out, dump all her dirty shit on his bed, then it's his problem. If he just moves them back to the kitchen, repeat.

Contact your landlord and fill them in on everything, they may be able to evict just him, especially if he's knowingly doing/letting her do things that could cause damage to the property.

If all else fails, you and other housemate/s look for somewhere else just for those of you who respect eachother, then give notice, leaving him in the shit to find new housemates or a new place.

Ncfreely · 17/08/2022 02:37

Is it a rental? Who are the tenants? How many others live there?

PlentyOFool · 17/08/2022 02:39

Busssyb · 17/08/2022 01:48

Whilst I imagine it’s impossible to forbid someone from having a guest over I literally cannot stand this person to the point where I want to move out. I don’t know what else to do. Help.

My flatmate’s gf comes around a few days a week and leaves beer bottles, glasses and plates she’s used lying around the kitchen after she’s left. Her bf refuses to wash them because he claims he didn’t use them, it was her. We end up cleaning after her every single time. She also parks in our neighbour’s space even though we repeatedly ask her not to.

As expected they have sex every single time she’s around and whilst it’s completely acceptable and expected, it is the loudest sex I have ever had to endure. I work from home and have had to stop meetings halfway through because her moaning is so loud that my mic picks it up and it’s beyond embarrassing.

She is also way careless when it comes to our home, she never locks the door after coming in and I’ve even found the door wide open after she’s come through. Never turns lights off and has even left the fridge open overnight and we had to bin most of our food. Last night she left a pile of soaked towels they took the beach on our kitchen wood floorboards which my other housemate saw hours later in the morning. We don’t think there’s any damage to the floor but it is so infuriating to have to put up with this from someone that doesn’t even live here!

We don’t know what to do, we don’t think we can kick him out as technically speaking he’s not the one doing all this but also doesn’t even try to make her treat our house with some respect. Is it even possible to ban someone from your house? What are our options? Should I just move out?

Oh. No thank. Tell him to shag the skeevy slattern at her gaff... 🤢

AlmostAJillSandwich · 17/08/2022 02:41

Failing that, if she shows up you and housemate confront them and tell them no, she's not welcome, and must leave. Be insistent, and don't let him/them act like it's a joke. Make her feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, and him embarrassed.

Tophy124 · 17/08/2022 02:45

I’d find a new place with the other housemate. Having done many shared homes, it’s not sustainable to live in this kind of stress and deal with the arguments etc. Your home should be where you feel comfortable.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/08/2022 02:55

Sounds like nothing would embarrass her or him. If they are having noisy sex could you bang on the door every time shouting..keep it down l am trying to work and hopefully that will spoil their fun. No point in being polite with those two and asking nicely. Need to do something radical until they realise coming round your place is not worth the effort. Pick up wet towels and throw them on his bed etc. Everytime. I think the fact you're working there makes it just awful as you have no escape.
And talk to the landlord of you are able to contact them personally.

Scrapologist · 17/08/2022 03:13

If there's no legal reason preventing you from kicking him out, of course you can hold him responsible for his guest's behaviour by giving him the boot. Otherwise, I'd look for another place.

Life's too short to live with someone you hate, and both your flatmate and his noisy gf sound horrible and worthy of intense dislike. Someone so inconsiderate (and yes, unreasonable) will never change, so either he goes or you do.

cantley · 17/08/2022 04:13

Kick him out.
If you can't do that, find a place with the other flatmate, move out and leave them to it.
I couldn't live with such thoughtless pigs.

Meraas · 17/08/2022 06:47

I think you need to get this flat mate out asap.

KatherineJaneway · 17/08/2022 07:17

What did she say when you spoke to her about this?

MangoBiscuit · 17/08/2022 07:28

She's his guest. He's responsible for her while she's there. If she uses cups and doesn't wash them, it's up to him to raise it with her and get her to do it, or to clean up after her. He's responsible for replacing your runined food, and for any damage she causes. If he isn't prepared to shoulder that responsibility, then he either needs to accept he can't have guests, or he needs to gtfo, and live by himself.

Poppyblush · 17/08/2022 07:31

Start making it very uncomfortable for her like telling them to shut up when having sex and dumping all her crap and plates in his room, things like that, let him have a pile of wet towels on his bed

PinkFrogss · 17/08/2022 07:32

Sit down with them, explain the issues and how you are no longer willing to put up with it. Say you are only willing to shop the same consideration to them as they do to you.

Who bought the plates etc? Could you and other flatmate keep a couple in your rooms to use, so you each have your own. That way if the ones in the kitchen aren’t washed it’s flatmate and gf that are inconvenienced. Alternatively buy your own cheap ones (IKEA or charity shops sell plates for less than £1).

For anything noisy play loud music over it, or start making loud noises at inconvenient times for him/her. Up earlier in the morning? Great time for you and other flatmate to bang some pots and cupboard doors around making breakfast etc.

Parked on neighbours spot? If neighbour comes complaining let them in to talk to him/gf. Or stick a note on her car with phone number etc on for neighbour to call and have a go.

Talk to landlord about leaving the door open etc as that is a serious issue they would care about.

HaveYouAnyDreamYoudLikeToSell · 17/08/2022 07:37

Whenever she leaves dirty pots or wet towels around, pick them up and put them on his bed. Bang on the door and tell them to shut up when they are having loud sex, tell the neighbour to block her in everytime she uses their car park space

5128gap · 17/08/2022 07:44

It might 'technically' be her not him, but its still him, as he is responsible for the behaviour of his guests. She couldn't come round making a mess if he didn't invite her, could she? She is also presumably not having loud sex on her own.
Please don't allow him to side step his responsibility by trying to sort it out directly with her, while he sits back claiming helplessness. You don't need to do that.
Check your tenancy and find out whether you can kick him out so you know your rights. Then tell him to sort the situation out, or as soon as it is legally possible, he will need to find other flatmates.