To not want my flatmate’s gf to come around the house?

[Busssyb]

Whilst I imagine it’s impossible to forbid someone from having a guest over I literally cannot stand this person to the point where I want to move out. I don’t know what else to do. Help.

My flatmate’s gf comes around a few days a week and leaves beer bottles, glasses and plates she’s used lying around the kitchen after she’s left. Her bf refuses to wash them because he claims he didn’t use them, it was her. We end up cleaning after her every single time. She also parks in our neighbour’s space even though we repeatedly ask her not to.

As expected they have sex every single time she’s around and whilst it’s completely acceptable and expected, it is the loudest sex I have ever had to endure. I work from home and have had to stop meetings halfway through because her moaning is so loud that my mic picks it up and it’s beyond embarrassing.

She is also way careless when it comes to our home, she never locks the door after coming in and I’ve even found the door wide open after she’s come through. Never turns lights off and has even left the fridge open overnight and we had to bin most of our food. Last night she left a pile of soaked towels they took the beach on our kitchen wood floorboards which my other housemate saw hours later in the morning. We don’t think there’s any damage to the floor but it is so infuriating to have to put up with this from someone that doesn’t even live here!

We don’t know what to do, we don’t think we can kick him out as technically speaking he’s not the one doing all this but also doesn’t even try to make her treat our house with some respect. Is it even possible to ban someone from your house? What are our options? Should I just move out?

Check the tenancy and report to landlord this person is making your lives a misery and trashing the property.

What's the legal arrangement with the flatshare? Is there one lead tenant who sublets, or do you all have separate rental agreements, or what?

I agree that either way, your flatmate can be kicked out for repeatedly bringing into the house someone who behaves like this and refusing to do anything about it. In the meantime, I suggest you pile all the girlfriend's dirty plates, wet towels etc up on flatmates' bed.

Just find somewhere else to live. Although I don’t understand the objection to the cleaner doing the washing up - isn’t that what they’re for?

The cleaner?

Awful for you!
Take photos of the mess she is making and of her car parked in the neighbours space. She is putting your housing situation severely at risk. E mail agent/landlord. Your flatmate is ignoring it so time to act.

They don’t give a toss. They have shifted the power dynamics and taken over. You pay rent and are entitled to have somewhere safe and clean to live in. In terms of sex, that is totally unacceptable given you are working. Again tell landlord this is how it is. They won’t be happy a girlfriend is staying over that much.

why should you move out. All the stress and money of finding somewhere new. Deal with them and be firm.

What is the tenancy situation? Can you just talk to him and say its unacceptable and if it Carrie's on you and other tenants will wrote to landlord asking him to address the situation.

In the meantime hide the toilet roll, plates, cutlery and report the car for illegal parking to 101 each time.

If it were that simple though, my DDs friend is living in England atm and her and her other female HMs were having so much trouble with the only male HM living there, scary stuff, threatening them calling them cunts etc for no reason, they complained and complained and eventually she just moved because the LL did nothing to help them (and yes they'd made police reports and were told it was a civil matter)

And I'd be disturbing their sex each time in the middle of the working day and asking them to keep in down. Dont let their lack of shame embarrass you.

I'm really unclear about the 'our house' comment - this is a rental? If he's a lodger he can be told to go at very short notice. However, your description is more like a house share or joint tenancy. Why on earth would you move out if it's your house?

Perhaps they have a lock on their bedroom door so dumping stuff on their bed isn't an option. If he's as bad as you say then he'll just let things build up until you give in and deal with it anyway and she doesn't give a toss. They're both taking the piss aren't they? Read the riot act. I would encourage the neighbour to take some action about her parking in their space too.

Even though the gf doesn't live there - she kind of does.

This is why I hated renting with kind of couples.

Whilst she is there she is adding to the mess and the bills. I doubt your landlord will do anything but your neighbor will complain to you.

I would be tempted for all you flatmates together to move if you can. Leave him with the problem of finding other flatmates.

I like the PP's idea of sticky unicorn stickers all over her windscreen next time she parks there. You should definitely do that!

Take photos of the mess/lack of care in case you need it for evidence at any point.

Misread 🙈

👌😂

Collectively give notice to landlord. He can lose one renter or all of the rest of you. He will ask him to leave.

Awful situation, I'm sorry.

I had a uni living nightmare years ago .... and I remember the constant stress.

Where the door is being left unlocked.... Can you get some mini safe for your room to at least lock a few essentials away?

Agree taking pictures is a good idea.
And if you have any conversations with the housemate/gf, can you record it on a phone?

These things can escalate (hopefully it won't), but I'd hide away any prized possessions, just in case.
You have to do something though, it sounds horrible.

It would all depend on what the arrangements actually are, is it your house?

No absolutely don’t move out! If you liked it there before his horrible gf came to stay, then you should stay put. Don’t accept It when he won’t clean up after her. She’s his guest so it’s up to him to either tell her, or do it himself. If there’s someone else renting with you, can you not stick together and insist he takes responsibility or force him to leave. If not I’d contact the landlord. Her behaviour ( and his) is not accurate. Stand up for yourself!

It's obviously not her own house if she's thinking of moving out because of him

soory I meant “ not acceptable “

Why risk it?
Rented places are like hens teeth in some areas

This. Report to landlord. Stuff like leaving wet towels on wood floorboard will cause damage and it’ll come from your deposit. You need to take pictures of future issues and send to landlord stating unless they intervene you can’t be led responsible because you’ve asked the tenant bf to tidy after his gf and he’s refusing
also tell landlord that this person is leaving door open - again that is their cn near too

start keeping a diary and photos. Tell the bf tenant you are doing this and sending to landlord

the question is whether this is a hmo and you each have your own tenancy agreement in which case landlord must intervene and his problem to solve . Or whether you all are tenants on one joint agreement- in which case he can talk to bf tenant but probably will make it your problem to solve

when I say landlord it the same if it goes through property management company

Oh goodness, I'm not. I don't think there's any sex bias on crap housemates, they're rather egalitarian that way

This- the idea that women are easier to live with is a myth. You get good and bad on both gender, I've lived with complete nightmares of both genders over the years. After 17 years of renting, I'd say the worst I ever came up against was 1 woman from 2008. Granted men could be nightmares too.
Another woman in the next house robbed the house but that's another thread...

They don’t give a toss. They have shifted the power dynamics and taken over

happens all too often when a tenant moves a partner into a house share or when a tenant is the longest there because the longest there thinks they own the house. Seen it too many times.