To not want my flatmate’s gf to come around the house?

[Busssyb]

Whilst I imagine it’s impossible to forbid someone from having a guest over I literally cannot stand this person to the point where I want to move out. I don’t know what else to do. Help.

My flatmate’s gf comes around a few days a week and leaves beer bottles, glasses and plates she’s used lying around the kitchen after she’s left. Her bf refuses to wash them because he claims he didn’t use them, it was her. We end up cleaning after her every single time. She also parks in our neighbour’s space even though we repeatedly ask her not to.

As expected they have sex every single time she’s around and whilst it’s completely acceptable and expected, it is the loudest sex I have ever had to endure. I work from home and have had to stop meetings halfway through because her moaning is so loud that my mic picks it up and it’s beyond embarrassing.

She is also way careless when it comes to our home, she never locks the door after coming in and I’ve even found the door wide open after she’s come through. Never turns lights off and has even left the fridge open overnight and we had to bin most of our food. Last night she left a pile of soaked towels they took the beach on our kitchen wood floorboards which my other housemate saw hours later in the morning. We don’t think there’s any damage to the floor but it is so infuriating to have to put up with this from someone that doesn’t even live here!

We don’t know what to do, we don’t think we can kick him out as technically speaking he’s not the one doing all this but also doesn’t even try to make her treat our house with some respect. Is it even possible to ban someone from your house? What are our options? Should I just move out?

Just noticed there are a lot of loud sex threads at the moment.

I had this and my stance was your guest=your responsibility. Any mess etc is YOURS to deal with. Don’t care if you didn’t use it- you allowed a guest of yours to so therefore you should clean it - so that the mess plates etc taken care off.

secondly I would tell him he needs to be clear with her that the parking space is for the neighbours use and her car could be towed - I would also chat to the neighbour and get them to leave a note stating not to park in this space.

when they are having noisy sex I would go and knock very loudly and say “please be quiet I am working”

i also wonder how she is getting in and leaving the door unlocked- unless she has a key and surely that should have been discussed with all tenants and I would approach it from the side of “if she can’t lock the door behind her she can’t have a key to ensure that the home is secure” if he’s letting her in he should be locking the door

Who is the landlord? If you or your other housemate are then kick him out. If not, complain to the landlord. Take diary and/ or photo evidence of her behaviour and the things she is doing that are damaging or putting the house and contents at risk. Your landlord needs to deal with this.

Things will only change if you force it to change. Use tactics suggested above and mean it.

If you can't sort it out move out. It's not worth the stress.

Ooh, classic Mumsnet pass agg. Up there with ‘are you getting help for your anxiety, OP’.

You have a house meeting with everyone together, sit him down and say it's not acceptable and if it carries on, he has to find elsewhere to live.

He's taking the piss as he's the one you share with.

Simple solution is to tell her!? It is your home and she needs to grow up and be respectful.

I'd be dumping all the dirty dishes she leaves around onto his bed

I feel for you, OP, but so surprised that it’s a woman causing the hassle. Apart from one past female housemate watching Ally fucking McBeal until 1am without headphones at a loud volume every night, my problem was men, young men.

Dirty, smelly, unhygienic men. Floaters in the toilet, filthy kitchen, washing up left for whatever fool would do it (often me as I didn’t want the cleaner to have to do their washing up). I hate using a bathroom- even now- after a man has used it.

Another v young male housemate would come back home at midnight, pop wash on, then put shoes in the tumble dryer. They would be banging about until I would go and turn the dryer off. Weirdly, he never said anything but continued to do it for the 6
months I was there. Other than than, he was a pleasant lad.

I would never share again and if I couldn’t afford to live alone I would house sit indefinitely in places or live in my car- both of which I’ve done before.

Hell is indeed other people!!

No contract. No deposit.

It sounds like there are more housemates pissed off with the situation?

If so, I'd probably speak to all of them and then call a house meeting.

Go full democracy, OP. List all of the issues and make it clear that if any of them happen again then he'll have to go.

Then stick to it!!

Life is hard enough without putting up with twuntish behaviour like that, OP.

Better off out of there anyway, that sounds dodgy!

IANAL but I wouldn't be surprised if you'd had a legal case there. The time and money needed to fight it would likely be prohibitive, though.

Hope you're in better housing now.

Her bf refuses to wash them because he claims he didn’t use them, it was her

Just reading this made me mad, without all the rest of the stuff.
HE is as much of an issue so get rid of him & the problem will be solved.

@PlentyOFool is there any reason to quote the, lengthy, op after only 12 replies? It’s right there, we can all see it at the top of the page.

I feel for you, OP, but so surprised that it’s a woman causing the hassle.

Oh goodness, I'm not. I don't think there's any sex bias on crap housemates, they're rather egalitarian that way. I knew someone once who lived with an "artist", a woman, who had been commissioned by a band to produce the artwork for their album cover. She nailed a piece of raw meat to the wall in August and photographed/drew it in progressing stages of decay.

You’re not going to be able to resolve this with someone who is as much of a selfish twat as your flat mate. Move out. I know it’s not fair, but life’s too short to put up with this crap.

I agree that you need to kick him out. I don't know if that is allowed though as you're not the landlord?

Tbh, if I was you, I would be looking for somewhere else to live on my own. Even if it's much smaller/further away, I'd want to get out of there.

Have you reported this to your landlord? You could tell your landlord that he must end the man's tenancy as he is breaching the agreement and find a new tenant otherwise the rest of you will move out. If it is a standard agreement it will say about behaviour and also guests.

Yup. I was living in London so it was all I could afford. All I could think of was finding somewhere to live! Which I did, in an equally crazy house with a worse landlord who tried to charge me when a railing fell on my head.

I moved up North eventually. Paid a fraction of the cost to live in a large house as I did to live in a room surrounded by crazy people.

I would never go back down South.

I would also dump everything she uses on his bed. Dirty. Make it a problem for him.

I would put it on his bed. Everything. Cups, plates, sandy towels, ruined food etc etc. He will clean it if he can't get into his bed 😂

Cheeky fucking cunt refusing to clean up her mess, she is his guest and therefore his responsibility. I'd be looking at trying to get rid of him if that's possible

This

This is the literal meaning of "you treat this house like a hotel", there's no maid service paid to pick up after her.

You and the other reasonable housemate need to be very clear with her that you're done and the next time she pulls this shit is the last time she will be in the house, and if thats because her BF is also no longer welcome and must move out then thats how it is.

I'd also start flat-shopping with the other housemate because there's a real chance thats going to be the easiest and best fix in the long run.

Just out of interest who does your flatmate think should be clearing it up @Busssyb ?
As I said originally I'd put it in his bed but if that fails I'd be placing it all round/on her car