To not want my flatmate’s gf to come around the house?

[Busssyb]

Whilst I imagine it’s impossible to forbid someone from having a guest over I literally cannot stand this person to the point where I want to move out. I don’t know what else to do. Help.

My flatmate’s gf comes around a few days a week and leaves beer bottles, glasses and plates she’s used lying around the kitchen after she’s left. Her bf refuses to wash them because he claims he didn’t use them, it was her. We end up cleaning after her every single time. She also parks in our neighbour’s space even though we repeatedly ask her not to.

As expected they have sex every single time she’s around and whilst it’s completely acceptable and expected, it is the loudest sex I have ever had to endure. I work from home and have had to stop meetings halfway through because her moaning is so loud that my mic picks it up and it’s beyond embarrassing.

She is also way careless when it comes to our home, she never locks the door after coming in and I’ve even found the door wide open after she’s come through. Never turns lights off and has even left the fridge open overnight and we had to bin most of our food. Last night she left a pile of soaked towels they took the beach on our kitchen wood floorboards which my other housemate saw hours later in the morning. We don’t think there’s any damage to the floor but it is so infuriating to have to put up with this from someone that doesn’t even live here!

We don’t know what to do, we don’t think we can kick him out as technically speaking he’s not the one doing all this but also doesn’t even try to make her treat our house with some respect. Is it even possible to ban someone from your house? What are our options? Should I just move out?

His responsibility. Sounds terrible op. She shouldn’t really be staying there so much anyway. Talk to the letting agency/landlord/lady, I’d say look for somewhere else but I know how hard it is at the moment everywhere so won’t patronise your with that advice.

Should be obvious your flatmate is the problem, of course he is responsible for his guests behaviour. Depending apon ease and setup id be asking him to move out or ending the tenancy and looking for somewhere new.

Form a united front with the other housemate and make it really uncomfortable for HER to be there, tell her loudly and assertively about all this stuff, when they are shagging loudly knock on the door and tell them to shut the fuck up, lob the wet towels inside the room unto flatmate's bed, along with any unwashed pots/ any shit she leaves around the house.

Should I just move out?
Why would you do that, when the easier solution is to talk to this woman?

Her bf refuses to wash them because he claims he didn’t use them, it was her. We end up cleaning after her every single time.
Easy. Stop.
Put them all in a box/bag, & leave them outside the door to his room.
When he kicks off, tell him to grow the fuck up & deal with his g/f's disrespect.

We don’t know what to do, we don’t think we can kick him out as technically speaking he’s not the one doing all this
Of course he's the one doing it! Did YOU invite thios woman into yourt home, & tell her it's fine to take the piss as she does? No! He did.

So present a united front.
Tell him he either bucks his ideas up & tales responsibility for his g/f's shit - including her car parking, everything - or you will band togther & vote him out.
If he pushes back, tell him you are going to inform the landlord that he regularly invites a guest over who is happy to damage the property & piss off the neighbours (as well as his other tenants, ie you). Cite the potential damage to the wooden floor.

As to the noisy sex - you might be able to embarrass her out of it. Ask her why she has to put on a performance that the whole street can hear, & what inadequacy is she compensating for?
If she doesn't tone it down after that, gather your other flatmates & stand outside his bedroom door yowling louder than she is. She'll soon get the message.

You are being too nice.

I would firmly tell her to leave the property each time I saw her… even better if both you and the other flatmate do it as a united front. If he and the girlfriend don’t like it, they can take it up with the landlord.

The behaviour is too awful and dangerous to be pussyfooting around, especially the door being left open situation. And if and when she does cause permanent damage to the floors or flat, he will refuse to pay up and you’ll have to pay.

If both of you are hostile and repeatedly demand she leaves, it’s not going to be any place she wants to hang around. This guy who is your flatmate needs some good lessons taught to him if he doesn’t have any common decency.

If you are afraid they will become verbally or physically abusive, use the police, they will remove the person who does not have any legal rights to the property.

Either way, job done. Good luck!

Was coming here to suggest similar. All her mess gets dumped in his room, every time. She leaves the fridge door open and ruins the food: into his room it goes. He’s acting like she’s not his problem: MAKE her his problem.

It really isn’t - and what’s wrong with venting here?

Yes!!!!

What's to stop the boyfriend just moving all the crap from his bedroom to the other housemate's?

I lived in rented house shares for many years.
what tenancy do you have? If you all have individual agreements check the clause on guests. plus speak to the landlord.

She is his guest and his responsibility. If he won’t clean up after her do what we used to- put all the dirty dishes etc on their bed. He is your housemate and she is not.

Call a house meeting and set some boundaries. Make it clear what you all expect to be reasonable. If he can’t agree to them then the landlord will have to intervene.

We need more information from you in order to give you decent advice.
Whose house is it?
How many of you live there altogether?
Do you all have separate tenancies, or is it a shared tenancy?
Did you arrange to rent directly from a landlord, or is there a property management company involved?
Have you paid any kind of deposit vs damage?
Has your problem housemate been a problem before, or has he been more respectful in the past? Were you friends when you moved in together, or strangers?

Blooming heck lurker, it’s not your counselling course homework.

I've said YABU because this is one of the most pathetic posts I've read. It's your f#cking home! Just tell her. You've tried to reason with the flatmate. Now you need to go direct. Be very specific and clear. HOUSE RULES FOR VISITORS AND THEIR HOSTS.

It's that simple.

But yes, I'd either be looki f to get the flatmate evicted or I'd be looking for a new place. Who owns the house/flat?

@MadMadaMim charming

Sorry but your post made me laugh!

Ive had far too many bad housemates and their
Partners

You have to call a house meeting ajd lay down the law

Save save save for your own place or
Find a partner you can move in with

The noisy sex thing..:
Knock on the door and say, keep it down. Im in a meeting

I'd message the landlord and tell them that she's leaving doors wide open and annoying the neighbours. They won't like it and will hopefully warn your flatmate.

She sounds horrendous!
You need to tell flatmate. If they do nothing, tell her exactly what's acceptable.

Why should you have to move out? Tell him she can't visit anymore because she's a messy selfish pisstaker. Or words to that effect. If he doesn't like it, he can find another place.

Your flat mate is wholly responsible for his girlfriend.

Show him this thread.

Tell the bf not to let her come round if they are not willing to tidy up after herself or he isn’t.

I rent a HA house and according to my tenancy I am responsible for the behaviour of any guests.

If I had a visitor who say... persistently parked in front of a neighbours house, I would get in trouble for it!

I hope the lease is in your name if.you are renting .
The situation is really disrespectful,and bad for your neighbours re parking.
Your male flat mate. Should be responsible for his guest. Get rid of him!
As regards the sex noises…have you tried telling them to come quietly!.?🤑.

Washing her dishes is irritating but I wouldn't focus too much on this - I'd expect to have to wash other people's dirty dishes very now and again if I lived in a house share.

I would, however, be furious at doors being left wide open and obnoxious sex whilst people are trying to work.

I don't know what to suggest other than giving him an ultimatum.