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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a cat even though DH HATES them

154 replies

Luckyforyou · 16/08/2022 22:18

DD (5) really wants a cat, she talks about one everyday, I am really open to the idea
and think it will be a good companion. DH hates them and will not budge. DD even asked if daddy could move out so we could get one.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 17/08/2022 01:16

MidnightMeltdown · 17/08/2022 01:05

OP has said that he doesn't have allergies. He's just trying to make an excuse because he doesn't want a cat. He's being very selfish.

At the end of the day, as long as he's not the one looking after it, then it shouldn't matter.

It's still bringing in dead animals, shedding hair all over the place, an extra financial burden, an extra consideration on any holidays etc.

Honestly, I can't believe the number of people who got a pet despite their partner being vehemently against it. It shows such a lack of consideration and respect.

Celia24 · 17/08/2022 01:26

SwishSwishBisch · 16/08/2022 23:12

Unrelated but I do not trust anyone that says they “hate” cats, or any other animal to be honest. Afraid of, allergic to, ambivalent about - fine.
But hatred is fucking weird and the marker of a shitty person if you ask me!

Totally agree.

jennyofthenorth · 17/08/2022 01:43

random opinion here- My guy HATED cats, Used to talk about how there good for nothing flea bags ect. Well, I had 3. At first he ignored them, called them little A**holes ect. Well after two weeks (and the cat sitting on him alot, sleeping near him ect) he decided that the cat was ok! Came home one day to the cat hater snuggled up hand on the cats back, asleep!

watingroom2 · 17/08/2022 03:07

Badgirlriri · 16/08/2022 22:22

I doubt he’d hate it for long 😂 they always manage to win men over.

Don't bet on it - my OH hates cats - he claimed he'd be fine with them (he will feed them if I'm away - but also shouts at them - nudges them out the way - and whinges when they free roam - they are 'downstairs//outside' cats

SleepingAgent · 17/08/2022 03:20

Luckyforyou · 16/08/2022 22:27

He says he is allergic but we have a dog, wouldn’t he be allergic to that too?

It's a totally different allergy. Many people are allergic to the mites that live on cats or their saliva or dander rather than the hair itself.

I've got several friends who are allergic to cats but have dogs no problem. (And one vice versa).

SleepingAgent · 17/08/2022 03:31

MidnightMeltdown · 17/08/2022 00:38

I would get that cat and DH could move out.

I can't really can't imagine that I'd want to be with someone who didn't like animals.

I see the crazy cat ladies have arrived ... Hmm

I really can't imagine being with someone who'd ignore the opinion (and potentially health if he IS allergic anyway) so disrespectfully.

sashh · 17/08/2022 04:42

Luckyforyou · 16/08/2022 22:18

DD (5) really wants a cat, she talks about one everyday, I am really open to the idea
and think it will be a good companion. DH hates them and will not budge. DD even asked if daddy could move out so we could get one.

I'm with your DD.

Spinasaurus · 17/08/2022 04:47

I'm your DH in this situation. I am actually allergic to cats and dogs. And lots of other small furry animals. I get mithered constantly by my DC who wants a cat. It would probably be good for him TBH. But I'm not sacrificing my own physical health in my home for a cat. And hate being guilt tripped by my kids over it.

It's the expense. The cleaning. I'm the one home all day WFH so who would be mithered all bloody day by cat.

Nope nope nope.

PortMac · 17/08/2022 04:50

Luckyforyou · 16/08/2022 22:18

DD (5) really wants a cat, she talks about one everyday, I am really open to the idea
and think it will be a good companion. DH hates them and will not budge. DD even asked if daddy could move out so we could get one.

Seriously?!?!? And we wonder why there are so many entitled kids.
My kids want all sorts of stuff that we don't, so they don't get it.
My daughter wants a ferret, what happens when she moves out and can't take it? She can wait til she's got her own house and buy one then.
How would you feel if your husband wanted something but you didn't and he did it anyway because your 3 year old asked?
I realise you haven't got it yet but do you really need to ask?

Marvellousmadness · 17/08/2022 05:20

"Dd5 really wants a cat"

And dh hates cats

Who indulge a FIVE year old
Because in 5 years time she won't care about no damn cat anymore
And the cat will live another 13 years after that.

So you'll have a cat that only you want
And a husband that resents you for it

Sounds like a great idea op

Orangesare · 17/08/2022 05:39

Badgirlriri · 16/08/2022 22:22

I doubt he’d hate it for long 😂 they always manage to win men over.

Sort of true.
we’ve just had a very young cat arrive at our house (very rural) and cat hater dh has just added it to the list of animals he feeds every night. So clearly it’s staying!
(it’s a feral or abandoned kitten, it is definitely not someone’s cat)

maddiemookins16mum · 17/08/2022 06:12

TheUsualChaos · 16/08/2022 22:41

Environmentally, we should all be limiting the number of pets we keep tbh. Cats in particular are a nightmare to wildlife. I like cats but won't have one for this reason as we try to encourage wildlife here. I don't agree with house cats. Plus the heart break if it got runover or went missing.

I’ve heard it all now.

Claricethecat45 · 17/08/2022 06:58

Def a possibility of being allergic to cats but not dogs...DH of mine has co-existed with dogs, horse, small mammals, of all types for years....5 mins in a house with a cat, and he's crying and itching

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 17/08/2022 07:04

My DD is allergic to cats and not dogs. We tried having cats and she ended up in the hospital. We have dogs now and she is absolutely fine.

Get a hamster.

mountainsunsets · 17/08/2022 07:04

If you truly love cats, you wouldn't get one knowing that one member of the family would resent it (at best) and be allergic to it at worst.

We have three cats and a dog - DH agreed to one of the cats and the dog - the other cats just arrived Wink but the difference is, he loves the cats, he doesn't pay for them or do any of the work involved. And most importantly, he's not allergic!

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 17/08/2022 07:07

Luckyforyou · 16/08/2022 22:27

He says he is allergic but we have a dog, wouldn’t he be allergic to that too?

I am insanely allergic to cats, they set off my asthma and make me itch to the bone. I’m not at all allergic to dogs.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 17/08/2022 07:11

Please do not do this OP.

I worked with a cat rescue organisation years ago. I have lost count of the number of cats & kitten we had to rehouse because of peoples' unwise choices.

No-one should take on any animal unless all the family are on board with the idea and will help look after it.

HarryBlaster · 17/08/2022 07:14

My mum is allergic to cats and other animals but not dogs. The fur is different and doesn’t irritate. She gets breathing problems and rashes around cats and it gets progressively worse.
You definitely should not get a cat if your husband has allergies and doesn’t want one.

HotHeatDays · 17/08/2022 07:20

ThreeRingCircus · 16/08/2022 22:46

So he doesn't like dogs, but you got a dog anyway. Now you're (seriously?!) asking whether you should just ignore what he's telling you and bring an animal into his home that he doesn't want?

You've already got a pet, so the argument that it would be good for your DD don't really stand.

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and there was something you hated that he just brought into your home anyway? And used your daughter as part of the argument to get what he wants? Because that's what you're doing.

This.

Are you going to get your 3 year old everything they ever ask for throughout their life?

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 17/08/2022 07:20

ItsReallyOnlyMe · 16/08/2022 22:30

You could install a catio and then the cat lives outside - would your DH be happy with this ?

You could also foster cats with rescues so you only have a cat for a short period (a test period). This does have downside though with a 5 year old as she may not understand the temporary nature of the arrangement. Incidentally Cats Protection would provide outdoor housing if this is required.

I wouldn’t have thought they’d get accepted for fostering unless the whole family was on board? Plus living in ‘outdoor housing’ doesn’t sound fair on the cat.

Anothernamechangeplease · 17/08/2022 07:20

I'm allergic to cats and guinea pigs but not dogs and rabbits. I have no idea why they're different.

I think you're being very unreasonable to even consider overriding his wishes on this. Yes, it's a shame that your dc cannot have a cat, but it isn't fair to make anyone share their home with an animal that makes them uncomfortable.

Flowersintheattic57 · 17/08/2022 07:28

Explain to your dd how many songbirds your cat will kill over its lifetime and that instead of getting a cat you are going to install a fabulous multi-storey bird feeding station and bath in the garden where she can see it and help to keep it clean , watered and stocked up.
As a bonus you won’t need to arrange for cat sitting/ kennels when you go away.

stuntbubbles · 17/08/2022 07:33

Just dress the dog as a cat, surely this is the obvious solution.

DancingBeanstalk · 17/08/2022 07:35

I am allergic to cats. I am not allergic to dogs.

YABVU. Regardless of whether or not he is actually allergic, if he doesn’t want one, you don’t get one.

Whataretheodds · 17/08/2022 07:37

Do you generally disregard your husband's health needs or is it only when it comes to what you 'really want' ?