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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a cat even though DH HATES them

154 replies

Luckyforyou · 16/08/2022 22:18

DD (5) really wants a cat, she talks about one everyday, I am really open to the idea
and think it will be a good companion. DH hates them and will not budge. DD even asked if daddy could move out so we could get one.

OP posts:
gannett · 16/08/2022 23:00

Luckyforyou · 16/08/2022 22:34

He doesn’t have allergies, but I know I can’t get something he really doesn’t want

Do you actually think he's lying about having an allergy or are you pretending you know about his health better than him?

I'm allergic to cats (unfortunately, I like them). Can't really be in a room with one for more than half an hour. In my 20s I had to move out of a houseshare with almost no notice because one of my housemates got a cat without telling anyone. Awful experience - even dosed up on antihistamines I felt like my head was going to explode whenever I was in the house for the last two weeks. If your husband is allergic to them then you're showing absolutely no concern for his physical wellbeing at all - I wouldn't put up with a partner who cared so little about me. Seriously, if DP got a cat the relationship would be over.

I'm not allergic at all to dogs. There's no link at all.

Of course pets are great things but that doesn't override another household member's health. Your daughter will survive, I'm sure.

blubberyboo · 16/08/2022 23:01

I wouldn’t be indulging a child who is incredibly rude and unkind about her father.
she needs discipline not a pet. She already has a dog which will teach her responsibilities, she doesn’t need another animal.
it is completely unreasonable to bring a pet into a household where one member of the family doesn’t want it.

PacificState · 16/08/2022 23:02

I get you OP, it's really tricky when you love pets and your partner doesn't. Mine is horrendously allergic, which means I can't spent much time with my dad's dog who I completely adore. To be fair DP has gone the extra mile getting anti-allergy pills on prescription which at least means we can have the mutt here sometimes. I'd love to get a cat, but it would just not be fair. It sucks though!

noirchatsdeux · 16/08/2022 23:08

I hate dogs, and my ex H had one when we were dating...it died before we started living together. He knew that there was no way on Earth I would ever want a dog, and never ever suggested getting one.

He liked cats (I love them) but had never had owned one. We got 2 kittens a year after we married - his idea - and when we separated he kept both of them (I still got to see them as often as I liked and cat sat for him whenever he went away) ... sadly one died 18 months ago, but her sister just had her 19th birthday on Sunday (also my 54th birthday).

If he'd said 'no cats' I would have reluctantly accepted it.

Greengr · 16/08/2022 23:10

Cats rule!
My Dh doesn't like cats😹 funnily enough he's the one that has doted on them the most over the years and they all love him more than me🤷‍♀️.
Sid is his latest 'child'.

To get a cat even though DH HATES them
Megapint · 16/08/2022 23:10

You could as long as you don't expect him to feed them or clean out the poop tray. My husband came home with 2 kittens, I don't like cats, I never agreed to have cats. 10yrs on they are well loved & well looked after, just not by me, I really don't have much to-do with them.

clpsmum · 16/08/2022 23:11

Yabu but you know that!!

Scrapologist · 16/08/2022 23:11

You already have a dog? Then you should be encouraging your daughter to make the most of having a dog, instead of subtly pitting her against your husband because you'd like a cat, yourself.

There's so much you can do with a dog. I'd focus on enjoying the pet you already have, if your husband insists he doesn't want a cat.

clpsmum · 16/08/2022 23:12

Could you compromise and get something else would he be on board for that?

SwishSwishBisch · 16/08/2022 23:12

Unrelated but I do not trust anyone that says they “hate” cats, or any other animal to be honest. Afraid of, allergic to, ambivalent about - fine.
But hatred is fucking weird and the marker of a shitty person if you ask me!

JustSortYoursefOut · 16/08/2022 23:13

A kid of 5 is far too young to have a cat - or any other pet. All children go through the stage of wanting a pet, but it's YOU who will be feeding it, clearing out a litter tray, taking it to the vet, combing it, dealing with flea/worm treatment. Cats live, on average, for 15 years (my old cat is about 19). It would be irresponsible of you to get a cat when your husband doesn't like them.

RayneDance · 16/08/2022 23:13

Well DH doesn't hate cat's at all but wasn't keen.

We've got one and after one night he said he doesn't want to sleep with me ,he prefers the cat 😸🐈

BeechFairy · 16/08/2022 23:20

I wouldn't recommend a cat as a "companion". They vary of course but they are often aloof unsociable creatures at best and scratchy bitey at worst. You don't get the affection from a cat like a dog.
I have a cat by the way 😂

StoneofDestiny · 16/08/2022 23:23

YABVU - you can't bring an animal into the home if someone is uncomfortable around them.

IndigoC · 16/08/2022 23:39

My partner was resistant at first too. His mother hated cats because of their impact on bird life and he had a low opinion of them without ever living with one. He relented and was pretty quickly smitten, and we’ve since had several cats that he has adored (and were not the avian mass murderers he’d expected).

I also think that many men reject cats out of hand because they are perceived as less macho pets than dogs.

Thepossibility · 16/08/2022 23:45

My DH thought he was allergic to cats. His parents always said he was, so he'd never had one. Then he bonded with my cat and was FINE. Funny that. He even kept my sister's cat when she moved out because the cat preferred him.

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 16/08/2022 23:49

It isn't fair on the cat!

LemonApplePeach · 16/08/2022 23:52

BeechFairy · 16/08/2022 23:20

I wouldn't recommend a cat as a "companion". They vary of course but they are often aloof unsociable creatures at best and scratchy bitey at worst. You don't get the affection from a cat like a dog.
I have a cat by the way 😂

Totally disagree with this. My cat is the most loving affectionate moggy you'll ever meet.

Zott · 17/08/2022 00:17

I like cats, if DH is in a room a cat has been in he has a severe (hospital visit) asthma attack. Friends think if they simply remove the cat he will be fine but he basically can’t go into a house that has a cat living in it. Dogs are no problem. So we have always had dogs.

Allergies aside I don’t think you should get a cat if the whole family isn’t on board with the idea.

MidnightMeltdown · 17/08/2022 00:38

I would get that cat and DH could move out.

I can't really can't imagine that I'd want to be with someone who didn't like animals.

Leafy3 · 17/08/2022 00:41

DD even asked if daddy could move out so we could get one

I like your dd - an entirely reasonable proposition 😉

Hottt · 17/08/2022 00:56

MidnightMeltdown · 17/08/2022 00:38

I would get that cat and DH could move out.

I can't really can't imagine that I'd want to be with someone who didn't like animals.

They already have a dog and DH is allergic to cats... With this kind of attitude, DH really should move out.

MidnightMeltdown · 17/08/2022 01:05

OP has said that he doesn't have allergies. He's just trying to make an excuse because he doesn't want a cat. He's being very selfish.

At the end of the day, as long as he's not the one looking after it, then it shouldn't matter.

Loopyloopy · 17/08/2022 01:08

I like patting other people's cats, but it can be a lot to live with one - hair, stinky cat poo, revenge / stress urination on beds/clothing, bits of dead animal left as a gift around the house. Not fair to force it on someone.