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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why all of the Queen's adult grandchildren have chosen to have kids?

308 replies

itsbeen4minutes · 16/08/2022 18:47

Out of the Queen's 6 adult grandchildren, all of them have had children. AIBU to ask whether this is normal in terms of pretty every member of a family having chosen to have kids?

I have chosen to not have children so feel like if I was a member of the royal family I would be judged quite a bit on my choice to remain childfree.

OP posts:
Redshell1976 · 17/08/2022 21:08

I was pretty much set that I wouldn’t have children and had worked too hard for my successful career. I then met my husband at 40, two years later I was unexpectedly pregnant and I only knew it was right for me when I saw the positive pregnancy test. So never say never I guess. However I digress…..I have worked with a lot of powerful and successful women in my career, many of which had decided with their partners that children weren’t for them. It’s a personal choice and you don’t have to feel guilty or judged because of that. It’s not for everyone.

Rana12345 · 17/08/2022 21:12

Most people have children

amispeakingintongues · 17/08/2022 21:31

Maybe because children are a blessing and not some sort of inconvenience as society loves to portray these days. I couldn’t ever imagine not wanting children, as much as it is hard work its MORE than worth every struggle. Living for just myself bored me to depression after a while, and I had a great standard of living in my 20’s. Having children is a wonderful and miraculous thing and not enough people value it anymore which is frankly sad considering we were all children once and if these attitudes existed decades ago half of us wouldn’t be here right now debating on whether a dog even comes close to having a child. (It doesn’t.)

Buffs · 17/08/2022 21:32

They have lots of money, makes having children easier.

Silvers11 · 17/08/2022 22:08

YABU - why shouldn't they all have kids. Most people do, if they can - and I imagine financial considerations don't have any factor to play. Don't know why you are surprised really. Your choice not to have them and no reason for you to feel guilty

Blantw · 17/08/2022 22:45

Their choice. Most people wouldn't think about it. I don't really understand the point of the question

TwinklingFairyLightz · 17/08/2022 22:48

amispeakingintongues · 17/08/2022 21:31

Maybe because children are a blessing and not some sort of inconvenience as society loves to portray these days. I couldn’t ever imagine not wanting children, as much as it is hard work its MORE than worth every struggle. Living for just myself bored me to depression after a while, and I had a great standard of living in my 20’s. Having children is a wonderful and miraculous thing and not enough people value it anymore which is frankly sad considering we were all children once and if these attitudes existed decades ago half of us wouldn’t be here right now debating on whether a dog even comes close to having a child. (It doesn’t.)

Such an unkind post and perspective.

fatchilli123 · 17/08/2022 23:00

Normal nature is all about breeding to keep the species going .

RampantIvy · 17/08/2022 23:17

amispeakingintongues · 17/08/2022 21:31

Maybe because children are a blessing and not some sort of inconvenience as society loves to portray these days. I couldn’t ever imagine not wanting children, as much as it is hard work its MORE than worth every struggle. Living for just myself bored me to depression after a while, and I had a great standard of living in my 20’s. Having children is a wonderful and miraculous thing and not enough people value it anymore which is frankly sad considering we were all children once and if these attitudes existed decades ago half of us wouldn’t be here right now debating on whether a dog even comes close to having a child. (It doesn’t.)

Not all of us feel that life is pointless without children. They change your life. There is no doubt about it. My life changed when DD was born. It didn't become better or worse, just different.

I don't feel that I need to define myself by being a parent. It is just part of me, not all of me.

BobISMyUncle · 17/08/2022 23:19

WHAT has it got to do with you? Why are you so interested? FFS! They have children for the same reason as the rest of us.

Dibbydoos · 17/08/2022 23:29

I've met several people who have chosen not to have children, some were high flyers too, so there are def a growing number of people, who are like you OP.

But I suspect if you are a Royal, you are indoctrinated to have kids to keep the bloodline on the throne. I mean just look how badly Elizabeth I - an unmarried and hence childless queen 🤯 - was and maybe still is viewed.

99redballoonsgobyy · 17/08/2022 23:37

I know quite a surprising amount of women, work colleagues, friends, neighbours etc that have not had children and are all late 30s, 40s and 50s and they have not had children for various reasons. I was actually quite surprised at how many that have remained childfree by choice. I live in a very multicultural area and have friends from many different backgrounds but all the child free ones are white British so I do think there's a cultural thing to it too where western woman have more of the right to choose and different cultures it is expected of them to have children. I am yet to meet a child free Muslim or African woman of which there are many in my area.

CelestiaNoctis · 18/08/2022 02:01

My in laws are a family of 8 children and they all have kids, some multiple. I think larger families tend to encourage others to also have large families. I think it's more uncommon to choose to not have any children, even if you fostered or adopted. I personally would find life very lonely and unfulfilling without mine and would adopt if the process wasn't so difficult.

LMCOA · 18/08/2022 03:56

amispeakingintongues · 17/08/2022 21:31

Maybe because children are a blessing and not some sort of inconvenience as society loves to portray these days. I couldn’t ever imagine not wanting children, as much as it is hard work its MORE than worth every struggle. Living for just myself bored me to depression after a while, and I had a great standard of living in my 20’s. Having children is a wonderful and miraculous thing and not enough people value it anymore which is frankly sad considering we were all children once and if these attitudes existed decades ago half of us wouldn’t be here right now debating on whether a dog even comes close to having a child. (It doesn’t.)

Wow. I have spent a lifetime bringing up other people's kids.
I value kids, but I certainly don't want them unless I am in a stable position financially.

I feel quite inadequate 😂

Londoncallingme · 18/08/2022 04:53

Only 2 in my large family with no kids - neither by choice. But I do have 2 friends who are happily married and chosen not to. One because of her own no-polar she doesn’t want to. The other just doesn’t want to because she’s never felt it’s ‘for her’.

Herejustforthisone · 18/08/2022 06:50

I’d have more kids if I had full staff to help me.

RampantIvy · 18/08/2022 08:19

I personally would find life very lonely and unfulfilling without mine

I had a very full and fulfilled life before DD was born. I didn't feel that something was missing. TBH I found being a new parent lonely and isolating. I don't now of course, but I did at first.

KimberleyClark · 18/08/2022 08:57

Well I couldn’t have kids but I have got over it to the point I am relieved I never had them now the way the world is going. I think it shows a pitifully narrow perspective on life if you can’t see how life without children can be equally fulfilling as life with.

Whadda · 18/08/2022 11:37

I personally would find life very lonely and unfulfilling without mine

I genuinely find a response like this tragically sad. The idea of someone having a lonely and unfulfilled life until they’re 30/35 or whatever and have children.

My advice to you would be to start working on yourself now and learn how to cope on your own, and find fulfillment that’s not centered on other people. Your children won’t be with you forever and you need to make sure you’re not back in such a dark and lonely place when your nest is empty.

💐

theveg · 18/08/2022 12:37

*I genuinely find a response like this tragically sad. The idea of someone having a lonely and unfulfilled life until they’re 30/35 or whatever and have children.

My advice to you would be to start working on yourself now and learn how to cope on your own, and find fulfillment that’s not centered on other people. Your children won’t be with you forever and you need to make sure you’re not back in such a dark and lonely place when your nest is empty.*

I genuinely find responses like this tragically patronising.

People find meaning in different ways in life. Some people find meaning and purpose in their children and that is fine. We're not all the same. My mum is nearly 70, her youngest dc left the nest 20 years ago but her life didn't suddenly become dark and lonely. she still finds joy and happiness in her children and grandchildren. They don't disappear, they just live somewhere else Confused

RampantIvy · 18/08/2022 12:46

I think it shows a pitifully narrow perspective on life if you can’t see how life without children can be equally fulfilling as life with.

The idea of someone having a lonely and unfulfilled life until they’re 30/35 or whatever and have children

I agree with both of these. Maybe if more people took this view they wouldn't find it so difficult to come to terms with being unable to have children. I thought I couldn't have children, and had a good, busy and fulfilled life until DD unexpectedly appeared when I was 41.

Whadda · 18/08/2022 12:49

theveg · 18/08/2022 12:37

*I genuinely find a response like this tragically sad. The idea of someone having a lonely and unfulfilled life until they’re 30/35 or whatever and have children.

My advice to you would be to start working on yourself now and learn how to cope on your own, and find fulfillment that’s not centered on other people. Your children won’t be with you forever and you need to make sure you’re not back in such a dark and lonely place when your nest is empty.*

I genuinely find responses like this tragically patronising.

People find meaning in different ways in life. Some people find meaning and purpose in their children and that is fine. We're not all the same. My mum is nearly 70, her youngest dc left the nest 20 years ago but her life didn't suddenly become dark and lonely. she still finds joy and happiness in her children and grandchildren. They don't disappear, they just live somewhere else Confused

Well, finding my response as you do is certainly your prerogative, just like my response to the post is mine.

The original post I quoted made me feel like I do when you hear couples say they didn’t know what happiness was until they knew each other.

I genuinely find the idea of people sitting around and waiting for their happy life to start because someone else is in it very sad.

LovelyIssues · 18/08/2022 13:33

I'm one of 7. We all have multiple children. They also have as much money as needed and nannies/chefz 24/7

Fluffmum · 18/08/2022 13:54

My brother has no children but everyone else in my family and cousins have at least two kids. This is the norm

squishee · 18/08/2022 14:16

I think you've answered your own question in the last sentence of your OP 😀

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