To expect DD15 to feed herself?

[SteveHarringtonsChestHair]

Went on a lunch date today. DCs are all older teens. DD (15) is outraged that I didn’t sort out something for her to eat when I got home at 2.30pm

I told her there is bread for toast, wraps, crumpets, leftover chicken in the fridge, noodles/pasta etc and that she can make herself something. She thinks it is selfish of me to feed myself and not her.

WIBU?

YABU she needs lunch and you are mean not to provide her with this before you left or after you came home

YANBU she is 15 with no additional needs, perfectly capable of fending for herself and needs to grow the F up.

I thank you.

No, it's not that simple😁. We're dealing with possible asd, but also lots of unresolved anger and grief from an emotionally abusive but physically absent father. They were always hungry because of missed meals when they had contact. So a simple sandwich left in the fridge means so much more than it should.

Hahaha I used to make my own dinner at that age frequently as my mum didn't enjoy cooking and I used to be a fussy eater who just wanted lots of pesto pasta.

YABU but only because mine would be worried about what they were allowed to eat. Left over chicken in our house is usually to make dinner with for example. I'd probably let them know what's in the fridge and that they need to feed themselves. Just a "I'm going out for lunch. There's chicken if you want a sandwich or wrap. Crumpets. If you want, you can heat up some of the spag bol" would do. I think kids do worry about making mistakes and being yelled at.

How is she 15 and still thinks she cannot fix herself lunch? She sounds spoilt and selfish. Nip that in the bud asap

Only if there's a history of them being yelled at for taking food from the fridge...
Maybe you shouldn't do that, if you've raised kids frightened to make lunch in case they make a mistake?

Agree

My 15 year old ds made himself a fishfinger sandwich for lunch today..

He doesn't feel hard done to

I have a 16 year old that would rather not eat than fix herself a sandwich or a cheese toastie. What she perenially wants, is McD's. It's a marvel, the 'reasons' she comes up with why McD's is a perfectly logical idea. But only so long as we're paying.

Um, no babe. You can go hungry. Or use your own two little hands, and what is in the ample fridge, to feed your own little beak.

Really getting quite profoundly fucked off with it. She knows how, she just doesn't want to. She admits herself that she's lazy!

YANBU, mine is 14 and is capable of making their own lunch, I'm a single parent and work out of the home so they've been at home on their own sometimes while I've been at work over the holidays, they crack on with it.

So even though she is capable, she thinks YOU should be there to do it for her...... YAMDNBU. I am gobsmacked that she actually said this to you.

but why did you do the lunch in the end for her-whats the whole point of this

It's i not e

Is that really all you've got in the way of argument?!

Do posters not bother reading an OP updates.
The kid acted out because she wanted to feel cared for, and apologised, agrees she's able but wanted to be looked after. It isn't the greatest behaviour from a teen but it was emotionally honest which is no small thing. Yet so many people telling OP how they should punish her and berate her and how their 5 yo regularly cooks French cuisine for 50

It's not an argument, it's a point of fact 🙄. You want to debate the spelling??

@pollymere if you read the post properly she did say what she could have.

I'm in my twenties, and have four younger siblings. All of us made our own lunch, dinner, etc once we hit secondary school on a regular basis. It's got nothing to do with being young, and all to do with being lazy. Maybe instead of berating her for being lazy though, encourage her to feel independent by doing it and to enjoy having choice.

I just showed my two eldest this and their response was

DS13: Eh? Why didn’t she just make a sandwich or toast?

DS10: Oooo I’d have made noodles! (shock horror, practically lived off of them and makes them himself).

Clearing up after their making themselves lunch, would be a whole different subject 😂

I can see the being miffed at having to eat general lunch items whilst her mum went out for a nice lunch but those are two separate things and not your problem at all. I was making dinner for my whole family at the age of 11. And I wasn’t left to fend for myself by any means. I didn’t think of it at the time but I was accruing those necessary life skills. I started doing my own washing at 12 and my sister too. (Just the putting on and in the dryer, mum folded and we put away).

Making your own lunch at 15 is hardly slave labour 🤦🏻‍♀️

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair please tell your DD that both my 10 yr old DD and 13 yr old DD make their own lunch and breakfast and have done so for a number of years. We all have pressure and life to live. Doesn’t mean your DD is incapable of becoming more self sufficient not is it ok for her to think of you as some sort
of waitress. Quite simply she needs to grow up and take some responsibility.

Ha ha .... she's hilarious! You're not her slave, ffs, and tbh, in my very humble opinion, you're doing her no favours acting like one!
'Weight of the world ' etc ...... Good grief, it doesn't sound like she lives in the real world! No offence OP, but the sooner she learns to ditch the stroppy mare attitude, and learn to look after herself a bit, the better for all concerned!
Expect tears and tantrums .... she won't like it ... but she'll be better for it!
Good luck!

Nobody wants to debate the spelling, ffs. What's the matter with you?

My ND 11YO would have been able to whip up something she considers rather tasty from that list, and enjoy doing it too.

My NT 14YO would react the same way your DD did.

My DD is very capable in the kitchen but she also has days where she feels and says exactly what your DD has said. And that as I birthed her I'm responsible for feeding her!
It passes.

YANBU, she is old enough to make a meal for herself when she's hungry.
My DD 9 can make spaghetti bolognese from scratch so I'm sure your daughter can use he iniative or follow a YouTube recipe to make something from the cupboard ingredients.
Hopefully you have taught her to cook, otherwise she needs to pull her finger out.
At her age I was cooking one meal a week to help out my parents.

I do sympathise with her even though you are not being in the least unreasonable. Some responses are extreme and lack any empathy. Sometimes we all want a little pampering especially as you'd had a nice lunch. 👿You say yourself she's a help normally. Agree with the suggestion that you get her to help you with food prep in the kitchen so she gains confidence. Maybe two or three lunches and dinners. My grandchildren help with Hello Fresh and Gousto meals, which have all the ingredients and step by step instructions. If you try this option get her to wash and chop all the vegetables first. The meals take a little longer for less experienced cooks!