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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD15 to feed herself?

451 replies

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/08/2022 15:20

Went on a lunch date today. DCs are all older teens. DD (15) is outraged that I didn’t sort out something for her to eat when I got home at 2.30pm

I told her there is bread for toast, wraps, crumpets, leftover chicken in the fridge, noodles/pasta etc and that she can make herself something. She thinks it is selfish of me to feed myself and not her.

WIBU?

YABU she needs lunch and you are mean not to provide her with this before you left or after you came home

YANBU she is 15 with no additional needs, perfectly capable of fending for herself and needs to grow the F up.

I thank you.

OP posts:
PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 15:21

YANBU of course

Essexgalttc · 16/08/2022 15:22

YANBU!

Original poster
SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/08/2022 15:23

She thinks my post is biased. Her take on it is:

I went out to feed myself, leaving her with only the rudimentary components to make what equates to a boring and unfulfilling meal, I have left her to fend for herself. DS (17) has also made himself something and not offered her anything. She thinks it’s similar to me making myself lunch and eating it in front of her and then telling her to make her own.

OP posts:
123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 16/08/2022 15:23

Even my 17yo lazy DS will make himself something and worse case he will make cereal if he really cant be bothered and is 'starving'.

Need to nip that attitude in the bud. I do however sometimes if going out bring him a takeaway back as a treat but that is all it is, a treat not an expectation.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 16/08/2022 15:23

YADNBU! Lazy mare can make her own lunch

Justmuddlingalong · 16/08/2022 15:23

Has she been pandered to up to the age of 15 and that's why sorting herself out has come as a shock?
If yes YABU.
If no YANBU.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 16/08/2022 15:24

Not her brother's job to make her lunch either!

whateveryousay · 16/08/2022 15:24

Eh? I have not made lunch for my kids since they started secondary school. I provide a range of ingredients and they make their own. Sandwiches, beans on toast etc. I do still make their dinner, but if I’m going out they are perfectly willing and able to stick a pizza in the oven. Youngest is now 14. YANBU

refreshingseahorse · 16/08/2022 15:25

Please thank your DD for the laughs.
YANBU

BrutusMcDogface · 16/08/2022 15:25

Of course yanbu! My 12 year old would rather I did her lunch, of course she would. She’s a lazy so and so. She is more than capable though, and does make her own food. The 10 year old (boy) happily makes his. Your 15 year old definitely needs to grow the F up but mainly in terms of the way she finds it acceptable to speak to her mother!!

Topgub · 16/08/2022 15:25

She thinks it’s similar to me making myself lunch and eating it in front of her and then telling her to make her own.

This is also acceptable

godmum56 · 16/08/2022 15:26

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/08/2022 15:23

She thinks my post is biased. Her take on it is:

I went out to feed myself, leaving her with only the rudimentary components to make what equates to a boring and unfulfilling meal, I have left her to fend for herself. DS (17) has also made himself something and not offered her anything. She thinks it’s similar to me making myself lunch and eating it in front of her and then telling her to make her own.

tell her she is hilarious and to get over herself...and tell her I said so!

Original poster
SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/08/2022 15:27

Apparently I have chosen an audience that is unrepresentative of the general population and don’t understand the trials of young people in this day and age with the weight of the world on their shoulders Grin

OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 16/08/2022 15:28

If she is used to you making her lunch then I can imagine this to be quite a shock but she should definitely be sorting her own lunch at her age.

Also no obligation on her brother making her lunch either. How strange.

Keep in easy sandwich type things then everyone can make their own lunch. Sometimes one will make for others but this also includes her making for other people.

Nip this in the bud now.

Original poster
SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/08/2022 15:28

godmum56 · 16/08/2022 15:26

tell her she is hilarious and to get over herself...and tell her I said so!

Show quote history

Grin I am laughing so hard at these answers!!

Bless her she a good kid really, does loads around the house, always washing up etc, but she has a block where cooking and food prep is concerned!

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 16/08/2022 15:28

Oh, the poor little thing! 😉

Carrotmum · 16/08/2022 15:28

Next time stay out for the whole day. She either makes her own lunch or goes hungry 🤷‍♀️

NotRainingToday · 16/08/2022 15:29

You could offer her cornflakes and then explain that Mr Kellogg was a religious zealot who believed that boring cereals discouraged masturbation.

(she might not ask you to sort food out again after that)

Jumpking · 16/08/2022 15:30

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/08/2022 15:23

She thinks my post is biased. Her take on it is:

I went out to feed myself, leaving her with only the rudimentary components to make what equates to a boring and unfulfilling meal, I have left her to fend for herself. DS (17) has also made himself something and not offered her anything. She thinks it’s similar to me making myself lunch and eating it in front of her and then telling her to make her own.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Seriously?
How very dare you.
How very dare DS.

Fwiw, DD has been making meals for herself since she was about 10. This is both the food you describe and things like spag bol, cheesy pasta.and other things. She goes through a mountain of eggs, as she loves fried egg sandwiches and egg fried rice. She may offer to make food for DS, who is 2 years older than her, if she is making some for herself.

Have you never let her make her own lunch? Have you never made your own lunch, eaten it in front of her, then told her to get her own when she told you she was hungry? If not, why not?

BrutusMcDogface · 16/08/2022 15:30

My daughter would probably be miffed that I’d had a nice lunch out and she had the boring, normal food I’d lovingly bought and provided and stocked the kitchen with. Spoilt rotten! I’d enjoy telling her how delicious it was.

BobMortimersPocketMeat · 16/08/2022 15:30

I was cooking an evening meal for my whole family, regularly, at her age. It meant when I left home and lived in my own I knew how to make really delicious food just for me, whatever I fancied, for any given meal. She will thank you later.

torfa · 16/08/2022 15:30

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/08/2022 15:27

Apparently I have chosen an audience that is unrepresentative of the general population and don’t understand the trials of young people in this day and age with the weight of the world on their shoulders Grin

Anyone seen my tiny violin?

YANBU op

Original poster
SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 16/08/2022 15:31

Carrotmum · 16/08/2022 15:28

Next time stay out for the whole day. She either makes her own lunch or goes hungry 🤷‍♀️

She will do though! She’s gone until 7pm without eating anything apparently when I was out for the day.

she has just said “I am CAPABLE of making myself a sandwich you know. I just don’t think it’s fair that I should have to” Confused

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 16/08/2022 15:31

Give her a cookery book for Xmas

BasiliskStare · 16/08/2022 15:32

In our house lunch is what you can forage from the fridge. Hunter gatherers we