To expect DD15 to feed herself?

[SteveHarringtonsChestHair]

Went on a lunch date today. DCs are all older teens. DD (15) is outraged that I didn’t sort out something for her to eat when I got home at 2.30pm

I told her there is bread for toast, wraps, crumpets, leftover chicken in the fridge, noodles/pasta etc and that she can make herself something. She thinks it is selfish of me to feed myself and not her.

WIBU?

YABU she needs lunch and you are mean not to provide her with this before you left or after you came home

YANBU she is 15 with no additional needs, perfectly capable of fending for herself and needs to grow the F up.

I thank you.

I was expected to be pulling my weight in the household and cooking evening meals for the family at that age so was DH.

look at junior bake off fgs! Geniuses cooking.

All dc should have good cooking skills at that age in preparation for leaving home. Otherwise when are they going to learn? Better now than either nagging them to cook whilst studying for ALevels or send them off to uni living off toast and ready meals

My standard response to this from teenagers
"This is awful, do you have the number for child line'

I'm going to agree with her. Isn't that why she has a mum, to feed her, wash her clothes and clear up after her. Everyone needs a mum😁,wish mine was still around.

We joke in our house that my children 'forage' their own food. But they've been able to find a snack, or occasional light lunch for over 3 years now - they're 11 and 13 now, so from 8 and 10yo.

The rules are no sharp knives or heat if there isn't an adult in the house, otherwise crack on.

At 15 I was able to follow a recipe and cook unaided. I did most of the Xmas baking by myself (except for pastry things- my hands are too warm. My younger sister did the pastry things from about 13/14yo).

My 11 and 10 year old make their own lunch, if at 15 they couldn't make a simple sandwich or wrap I'd be flabbergasted lol. Time to teach your DD how to make a meal lol.

She did threaten to call them at one point!

It's amazing the little Princess has survived to the age of 15.

I understand why she might be jealous that you got to eat out but I bet that there are plenty of times that she's gone out and you've had a sandwich or something basic for lunch.

It's not her brother's job to feed her either. My kids are the same generation and make their own lunches and I make dinner.

Cutted up pear

She's having a diva moment!!!

How dare you go out to eat and leave her with CRUMPETS!!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂

@SkygardenTower yes, really.

But then I don't tie myself up in knots about this stuff. I have a lovely boy and I just .. make lunch.

I know it's hard for some people to imagine others doing different to them though

I'll go against the grain here. My youngest is 15 and I make him lunch - not an issue for me tbh. But then I don't subscribe to the Mumsnet viewpoint that you mustn't do a single thing for your kids from the age of about 7

oh dear - you are raising expectations here of them being incapable, and need mothering! Role on 15 years and his wife will be on here complaining about a man child who’s mother still does his washing.

I was making bolegnese, currys, shephards pies and DUmpling stews at 14 ...
Im now 29, i think its important to teach children and if she cant make a simple lunch by now then she needs to learn

It's not remotely similar. Stop entertaining her nonsense.

YABU to even ask this question and even entertain her foolishness.

😂😂

I'm stealing that.

Though my DD will probably call childline when she is old enough.

If she’s generally a good teen how about getting her to do a shop with you, either online or in person?! That way she can choose lunch items eg, nice salad bits, super noodles, ( mine love those) ready meals etc? So not haute cuisine but a step in the right direction?

I feel for her - we all have days when we look in the fridge "we don't have food, we have ingredients" and we just cannot be arsed.

Of course she should make herself lunch. Obviously. But I empathise with just not being faffed. It's ben too hot for too long and we're all a bit fed up.

Me too. Little madam. Life's not fair, welcome to the world.

It sounds like you have a great relationship with her. Much better to tackle this sort of stuff with humour than be all outraged about it.

If there’s a 1% vote for YABU we’ll know where it came from - HardRockOwl and DD!

Boo! Hiss!

Now 1% think you are unreasonable.

Must be all the under 18 year olds and sexists.

You had advised her before you went out, said what was available (so not using food intended say for an evening meal). Not gone out for an indefinite period.

YANBU.

FWIW, my DC (all in their mid to late teens) all make their own lunch unless I tell them before hand that I'm making something special for lunch for everyone. They've also been cooking one dinner a week each for the family over the summer.

However, it does sound like there might be more going on here than just lunch. You mentioned that she's fallen out with her friends and hasn't been doing anything without you over the summer. My guess is that she's quite sad about the falling out and has become a bit more needy towards you over the summer as she's been spending so much time with you. I think she does need to learn to make her own lunch, but I think she likely also needs a big hug and some reassurance.

Even if you did make yourself crumpets or toast and chicken or whatever and ate it in front of her there is absolutely no need for you to make hers as she's 15yo and more than capable of making her own.

And I say that as a mum of a 17yo who does have additional needs (physical disability and autistic)
He actually can't to a lot of cooking tasks but would be expected to put his own toast in the toaster!