To expect DD15 to feed herself?

[SteveHarringtonsChestHair]

Went on a lunch date today. DCs are all older teens. DD (15) is outraged that I didn’t sort out something for her to eat when I got home at 2.30pm

I told her there is bread for toast, wraps, crumpets, leftover chicken in the fridge, noodles/pasta etc and that she can make herself something. She thinks it is selfish of me to feed myself and not her.

WIBU?

YABU she needs lunch and you are mean not to provide her with this before you left or after you came home

YANBU she is 15 with no additional needs, perfectly capable of fending for herself and needs to grow the F up.

I thank you.

Sorry didn't see your post before I posted.

Tell your DD that newspapers pick up threads on MN so they will know she has tried to fix the poll.

YANBU

I might have pointed out to my teen (who is 13) that those ingredients were there, she could/ should make something before I went, just so she knew. But then she’s a little bit younger.

Equally it might have been nice for her brother to say “oh dsis, I’m making some lunch do you want to do that together?” But no obligation on him to do so.

Definitely yanbu though

I haven't made lunch at home for DC since aged 8 when they could make a sandwich. I do make and eat it infront of my teens because I can! Ds15 makes a nicer lunch than me now (but rarely offers me some)

It's the summer holidays.

What weight has she got?

No school and no homework and I'm also assuming she doesn't have a job?

Plus "these days?"

Tell her she's hilarious. We managed to cook for us and siblings at a younger age and without the help of Google or you tube instructions if she finds using a toaster and saucepan a challenging task!

A 15 year old should be more than capable of sorting their own meal out if there's food in the cupboards. I think I would turn the tables on her a bit. Give her the choice of being treated like a child or treated like a teenager. One or the other but not both as suits her. If she want's to be treated like a child then she gets meals made for her and the like but in bed by 9 o'clock, screen time befitting a 10 year old and mum chooses all her clothes. She'll soon buckle.

Basic cooking skills are a must and should start from around age 11, although no problem with sooner. How will they survive when they leave home? GO to Uni etc. Being able to make a curry, bolognaise, chocolate cake and other baked goods are a recipe for making friends for sure. My 17 yr old is a bit of a foodie to be honest but she spent the early years watching Master Chef with her Dad and then the cheeky monkey used to score the true chef - ie me. so now Dad cooks weekends and the odd weekdays when I force his hand and she cooks usually once a week. Both make their own lunch and brekkie, still working on them clearing up after themselves even tho she washes up in a cafe. We have a great video of her baking with my sister when she was three - did all the steps and weighing herself and when my sisters back was turned the hand went in lol

Translation: I really don't care that I'm creating a manchild, what's independent living? He'll never need that as some woman will do it for him.
🙄🙄🙄
Not the gotcha you appear to believe it is.

Oh dear ! I'm afraid that I may have seen red at the comment of " I just don't see why I should have to" ! There are lots of children who have no choice other than to feed themselves so she needs to realise that she is privileged to have you do it for her sometimes . Buy her a good cook book and arrange a rota so that she and your son both have 1 night a week where they are responsible for cooking dinner. They will need to plan it so that you can arrange for any shopping that is required but as they get more confident ( older too) they can shop for it themselves. I did this with my son's and they can both cook really well now , all from scratch too.

”Second hand spaghetti” 😂😂

I mean it sounds like maybe she’d like to go out for lunch with you another day? And has a poor way of phrasing it — as you say she’s generally brilliant and not lazy.

I don't think my mum made my lunch a day after I turned 11, apart from the very occasional packed lunch day when she didn't have change for the canteen! :D Would have considered it odd back then if my teenage peers couldn't put together a sandwich or some crackers cheese and fruit - it's not rocket surgery :)

Does she not understand how Deliveroo works? Has she not memorised your credit card number for terrible occasions like this?

We missed out on a day out last week as I was ill. Will be sure to rearrange it and maybe get her to cook me dinner when we get home?!

Ha ha how true is this, I hear it every day! :)

well if she's happy to starve then tell her to crack on....

If I'm in the house I make everyone lunch.
If I'm not they have to make their own. Leave her one round ham sandwich, a small pack of raisons and a babybel next time (with instructions that she needs a bath at 7pm and then straight to. bed afterwards).

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair

Just has no confidence in the kitchen

how much confidence does it take to make a sandwich??

I think her 'can't see why I have to' is the bottom line here! And would be met with, because YOU were hungry & Im not your skivvy!!

she fell out with her friends? Perhaps she had unrealistic expectations there too??

Why are you allowing them not to take turns cooking if that's what you want to happen? . I just don't get how kids these days don't just do as expected of them? To sound ancient, I was expected to prepare the vegetables pretty much every night after school & get the potatoes on at x time etc. I didn't enjoy it, I probably whinged a bit, but it simply wouldn't have occurred to me to just not do it?!

OMG you are so cruel.

Suggest Princess 15 years old and knows everything watches some Master Chef (celebrity masterchef is on at the minute, if Paul Chuckle can cook a bit, so can she!) - maybe go through youtube and look at the invention tests where they have a set of ingredients and make something up and also websites like this:

realfood.tesco.com/what-can-i-make-with.html

You just put in the ingredients you have and it chucks out likely recipes you can make. There are several websites like this and frankly I am shocked that a modern teenager, who obviously knows everything, doesn't know that!

Youtube is also full of decent cookery stuff - obviously avoid the 5minutecrafts/soyummy type shiz, watch How2CookThat with the blessed Anne Reardon also (if a bit American) Struggle Meals is another good YT channel.

Starving yourself til Mummy gets home to make you food is ridiculous, my dog would find himself food sooner!

I rarely make lunch for my two teens. Starting in lockdown when I was working full time and they both had working hands, brains and eyes. Lunch is DIY.

There are such brilliant replies on here - thank you for making me laugh!

Does she want her to spoon feed it to her too, my 12 year old can make his own lunch albeit boring he won’t starve for one day having to make it himself. Surely by going into the kitchen and learning how to make something she can feed herself, you didn’t leave for a week. Tell her to get the just eat app if she’s that hungry she can order herself something. I have 4 boys, they can successfully feed themselves if I am late home or out, my eldest can feed his little brothers.

I caved and microwaved the second hand spaghetti for her She had actual tears in her eyes at one point so I think it’s probably not about the food at all (and I’m a pushover clearly!)

But will definitely come up with a dinner rota for when we all go back to work/school!

Hahaha, too funny.

I had Gastro the other day and my 5 year old made himself a grazing type plate for lunch and poured me a glass of lemonade. He doesn't usually make lunch of course but helps me enough to know what to do.

I just asked DS (17) and DS (13) for their opinion on this...

"She sounds a bit entitled. I mean... if her mum does other stuff for her like her washing and cooking dinner... her mum doesn't have to do everything for her. She should be able to make a sandwich at least"

I asked what they'd do if there was no food to their taste in the fridge.

"I'd go up the shop and buy something I like"

To be fair, I find that not feeding them on a regular basis makes them pretty self-sufficient..! 😂

@LBOCS2

It's certainly one way to check that they can still 'vertical' and their legs still work!

Tell her my 6 year old granddaughter makes her own ham sandwiches.
Also hope she gets a well paid job,to pay her personal chef, when she eventually leaves home 😉