Flawless SIL. Jealous

[veniceorna]

My SIL had a baby Sunday morning.

We were all beaming and excited. Couldn't wait to meet the baby! But none of us wanted to push it for a visit too soon so were waiting for an invite

My SIL asked if we all fancied Turkish Restaurant! We were shocked but jumped at the chance to see baby etc, wondering how SIL could possibly face it

There she was, arriving out of hospital and with us. Face full of flawless make up. Heels on. Dress on. She looked amazing. My niece with her and breastfeeding

What's more, my nephew was back that afternoon with her and she had nephew (5) with her too. My brother isn't really very hands on with him and struggles so God knows how she pulls it off

When I gave birth, normal Vagina delivery; I went home and ate biscuits for a few days in bed

My SIL had a third degree tear!

In that case I think it was your SIL who fancied Turkish for dinner and everyone else was just along for the ride! Glad she's feeling better and enjoying life again.

But the thread is titled "Flawless SIL. Jealous". Every body is different. I had a 36 hour labour and 3rd degree tear but really wanted to be outside so the day after I went home, we went out for lunch. There is no right way to "behave"!

Interesting thread.

I went to a coffee shop with DD 2 or 3 days after she was born. I was back in my normal clothes (well, leggings instead of jeans) , put make up on and did my hair. I saw a couple of people I knew and they said they didn't look like me after birth and that I looked really well.
But inside I wasn't right. I felt I had to prove that I was fine and normal. I wanted my life to go back to how it was before I gave birth, and that was my way of trying to do it. I was exhausted, I couldn't think straight. A couple of months later I developed post partum psychosis and PND.
Not to scare anyone, but things aren't always what they seem. Hope she is ok.

Also had a third degree tear.

I knew your sister in law was a HG woman just by your description. I went to Toby Carvery on the way home from hospital with DC3's birth (she was born at 3am and we had a pub lunch at 1pm). With DC2 we went to a cake shop. With DS1 I went to Morrisons cafe. All within 24 hours of birth. Eating food normally is the biggest joy on earth after 9 months of vomiting everything you eat or drink. I felt the best I have ever felt! I will never forget those first meals haha!

This is so refreshing rather than people on here wanting to 'hide away with their little family' for weeks on end after having a baby. Some of us are just fine and with a second, life goes on. Toddlers don't appreciate you resting in your pyjamas watching Netflix on the sofa!

Everyone's different. The morning after I had my second baby I was up, showered, make-up on and dressed to take my toddler son to an appointment. I felt fine. Few stitches.

I've never been one of those who thinks having a baby prevents you showering. My kids have a very hands-on father. I don't snack or comfort eat. So... I dunno. Getting dressed and going out is more fun for me?

I was the same after my DS was born (minus heels because heels are silly) - out with friends the day after we left hospital. I felt great and was over the moon with my baby and wanted to show him off to the world.

I remember a well-meaning but misguided family member suggesting I put on makeup as we had family visiting the baby four days after the birth and I laughed🙂😂
could barely be bothered to put a bra on

good for your SIL but I could not have been bothered with that shit

Behind closed doors!

at home I’m a slob as in Waynetta degree at work 100% cleaned and polished every single day.

Yeah give it a rest. Some people have a hard time in labour or adjusting and need a break from the likes of you.

I read this post and thought the poster was actually in awe of her SIL rather than critical
of her.

I felt like this for a day or two then crashed after my second. Actually think I had a ‘high’ type feeling then actually had a bad couple of weeks. Keep an eye on her and be supportive. I always think it’s hard to know actually how someone really feels.

I hate the implication that people are only out and about and ‘put together’ after having a baby if they are actually heavily insecure and suffering with PPD.
I was up and dressed pretty soon after a C section. Out for coffee, lunch and a drink a few days later with makeup on.
I felt fine, great even, being out and about and enjoying exploring with my baby.
I was by no means putting on a facade because I felt like I had to.

Everyone is different. Just because some people want to hideaway in sweats with freezer meals for weeks doesn’t mean everyone does or that there is anything wrong with going out.

I think everyone is different. I was lucky to have an easy and short birth with my only child although did have a 2nd degree tear but it really didn’t bother me at all. We went out for the lunch the next day and went out for lunch most days that week. Husband was only off for a week and the first day he went back I was out for lunch with friends. When baby was 3 weeks we were on a flight with husband as he had a business trip to a holiday destination and were out to busy bars etc every night and also on that trip we were back to having regular sex. There has been other times of parenting I definitely have not been flawless and been a hot mess but everybody finds different stages of parenting easier/more difficult.

I will say after my PP:

My first was a preemie and I nearly died, I wasnt concous for most of his first day and we werent allowed to leave the hospital (even after both of us recovered and where completely fine they basically kept us prisoner with bullshit excuses about test results for tests they never even did - I was climbing the wall, hospitals are awful places to be trapped).

With my second I had to be induced, tore HORRIFICALLY (including bursting my urethra) and he was rushed to the NICU and high risk for the first week of birth so obviously couldnt leave. When we did I made an effort to braid my hair and put on nice enough clothing but we went straight home (it actually the stay in hospital that mental distroys you and needs 'recovery time').

With my 3rd she had complications but was cleared after 24 hours and we where sent home, we went to visit both our parents then went shopping and for a walk. Having never had a brand new born outside of the hospital I had no idea it was wierd not to go straight home and hide, I was just happy for the freedom.

Maybe she fancied Turkish food rather than everyone descending on her house? Some women need to rest and take it easy, others prefer to resume a normal routine. Neither is wrong or odd. I just got on with things too and it really frustrated me to hear people tell me I was doing to much or even worse, tell my oh to get me to ‘slowdown’. So patronising.

As others have said woman can do no bloody right!
I was your sister in law. I was lucky and felt ok after my four births. Some days I was tired so I chilled at home, some days I was fine so I went out for lunch with the baby.
I did the school run the morning after having ds4. Lying in bed or on the sofa for as long as you need to is also fine!

Does she work and do you work full-time?

No but she's a full time carer to her disabled son and also travels to her grandmother a few times a week to help care for her too

I work FT yes but I do less 'work' in all honesty

My SIL is the woman everyone wants to be but very few can pull off really

This is very similar to a thread the other week where the op claimed to be jealous of her flawless friend who was a carer to her disabled kid. She also had a useless oh.

I wouldnt want to be like her and I think its sad op does

I felt okay as well, gave birth early hours of the morning, and was out for a dog walk and a coffee/pastry after being discharged. Also met people for lunch and dinner that week, actually found it easier than having to clean up at home and host (our place isn't very big).

However what someone else said upthread, I had gestational diabetes, a high risk pregnancy and a very long induction where I couldn't eat much so I was really happy to be able to just go out and eat something normal! Plus see people again.

Interesting people are mentioning HG, I was in and out of hospital for drips, it was the most horrendous experience and the main reason I'm sticking to one child! So maybe just feeling human again and being able to get up and go got me out and about everyday

I remember being told off by a well meaning neighbour for being out about a week after my first! I was devastated because I thought I was doing something wrong.

Sure, put people down when they feel and look great, because that cant be right 🙄