Flawless SIL. Jealous

[veniceorna]

My SIL had a baby Sunday morning.

We were all beaming and excited. Couldn't wait to meet the baby! But none of us wanted to push it for a visit too soon so were waiting for an invite

My SIL asked if we all fancied Turkish Restaurant! We were shocked but jumped at the chance to see baby etc, wondering how SIL could possibly face it

There she was, arriving out of hospital and with us. Face full of flawless make up. Heels on. Dress on. She looked amazing. My niece with her and breastfeeding

What's more, my nephew was back that afternoon with her and she had nephew (5) with her too. My brother isn't really very hands on with him and struggles so God knows how she pulls it off

When I gave birth, normal Vagina delivery; I went home and ate biscuits for a few days in bed

My SIL had a third degree tear!

I have had HG in my pregnancies and experienced post partum euphoria. I used to think my babies were the next messiah and my house was always spotless. It doesn’t last sadly!

I was the same. I was euphoric that my baby arrived safely and was so excited for her to meet her family. And to have a drink and dress up. It was nice to feel like me again.

It’s been frustrating for HVs and random people in the park to see my tiny baby to constantly insinuate that I’m doing a major feat by going out for lunch with baby in tow. “Don’t push yourself!!!”- what to sit and eat a meal in a restaurant?

for me, biscuits and a darkened living sounds like the absolute worst thing for bringing on the baby blues. But we all deal with this time differently.

Sounds like she is?

We are all different OP. And how birth effects us is different too.
When My DD was born I did a weekly shop with baby in a sling a big trolley and a 2 year old- my baby was less than 24 hours old.
Apart for a little tenderness I felt totally fine- the labour lasted only 3 hours and was during the day, so no missed sleep.

Every woman is different and every birth is different too. After child no.1 (emergency c section) I was in bed for days. Compare and contrast with child no 3 - born at home in the morning and by the afternoon I was out shopping for baby clothes and having a coffee at Costa :-) You just have to do what you feel most comfortable with and sod everyone else's opinions. Congratulations on the new addition to your family!

Ahh that sounds so mean. I don't like HV. I've had 4 and found them all useless Apart from the last one

I was just slobbing on the sofa for ages with DCs. There really was no need at all, and I wish I had more get up and go!

No excuse really. I had no tears and an easy epidural birth. I'm just so lazy and procrastinate myself into oblivion

I think people are taking the OP using the word "jealous" too seriously, I took it to mean in a flippant kind of a way (not to speak for the OP of course) I just use the word jealous in that kind of way often.

We’re all different @veniceorna and there wasn’t anything wrong with your way of doing it.

I agree, if it is comfortable to sit then eating in a restaurant is an easy thing to do and means no cooking or washing up at home.
Biscuits and a sofa would not have been good for my MH either.

Maybe it made her feel good? I had stitches after birth and was absolutely fine, out and about the next day with the pram and in a cafe on day 3. I've never had so many compliments about how good I looked - I don't imagine I particularly did, but I think a lot of people expect you to be in pyjamas. It's just luck as much as anything 🤷🏻‍♀️ Neither way is right or wrong. I'd have hated to be stuck in the house.

This. All the live-long day.

My brother isn't really very hands on with him and struggles so God knows how she pulls it off
because she has to because the father doesn’t.

Maybe she’s dying to out for a nice meal and show off her baby without the hassle of hosting at home. She doesn’t need anyone having a ‘word’ with her because they feel she should be resting at home because it’s what they would do. After my second, I would’ve loved to go to a nice restaurant and have a treat-especially if breastfeeding as you don’t need to take any equipment. So unless you know she’s doing it reluctantly, just go and enjoy the occasion.

I was fine with my second, he was born at almost midnight and by 9am I was out shopping, we went on holiday when he was a week old. I wouldn't have heels because I'm not a heels person and my make up is always terrible 😅 but I felt okay to get on with stuff. After my first it was a whole different kettle of fish

I think she meant jealous because she's in awe.

But as usual a couple of posters choose to be nasty so everyone piles in and ignores the OP's attempts to explain

I was in the pub 24 hours after dc3 showing him off to friends and family! I wouldn’t say I was flawless, but not a total mess either. It was actually an easy way for baby to meet people without the pressure of hosting anyone.

"I wouldn't be jealous, I'd be concerned. She must be exhausted and if she isn't now, it'll happen soon."

I was never "exhausted" Maternity leave was a breeze compared to my job, loved it. I was out and about asap too and didn't feel the need to suddenly slob around moaning about how tiring and stressful motherhood is (because for me, it isn't).

Guess what. Everyone's different

Pretty clear the OP means this in a 'how the hell does she do it?' kind of way, rather than wishing her SIL any ill will. Some posters don't get self deprecating humour I suppose.

As for having a quiet word with SIL about rest as per MatildaTheCat, noooo!! That is so patronising.

Looking fantastic and socialising after giving birth is fine. Sitting around eating biscuits in your pyjamas is also fine. Like the OP, I would love to have been the former, but I was definitely the latter!

Every woman is different. Literally 10 minutes after giving birth, I was up and moving about and felt I could have gone home straight away!

There's a woman who lives a few doors down from me and both of her pregnancies were a doddle. She snapped straight back into shape both times. I swear she's made from elastic or something. Anyhow, the point is, some women are just like your SIL without even trying. There are others who are wearing themselves to the ground though, trying to keep up appearances. I'd suggest trying to find out if SIL really is OK, just in case.

No need to be jealous, she's just doing what she wants to do.

My DH and I went to a lovely restaurant on our way home from hospital with DS2! DS1 was at school so we had a delicious lunch while taking turns snuggling our new baby and the waiters kept coming to fuss over us. It was lovely, it's a really fond memory for me. DS1 was 5 too, like your nephew and as soon as we got home he was delighted with his new baby. Not everyone wants to hide away after they have their baby, some want to celebrate, embrace the wider family and that's fine. Either option is ok, as long as it is what the mum wants.

I had sections and went out to lunch next day after coming home - I don't wear heels but I looked as nice as I usually do when going out.
I never understood the 'I can't get a shower in til afternoon'. I had no help, I'm certainly not a superwoman, but even with a very active toddler and baby it wasn't an issue to get properly dressed and get stuff done. My house was not showroom ready or anything but we had a string of visitors and I was happy for the distraction- babies are pretty dull!
But if that's not you - then who cares? What works for me may not be your thing at all. And it's not always me either:
In fact today it's almost noon, my kids are late teens, and I'm not even dressed let alone showered!

I think if it's no.1 it's overwhelming (I was cut for no 1, and that was bad too, but I also list a lot of blood.) I wanted to go out ASAP but I was worried I'd not look after my DD properly etc so took it easy.

I had a 3rd degree tear after my second,
nightmare, but I could not wait to get out of hospital and home and back to normality. Pain aside I was up and about pretty quickly once I got home.

I think your SIL is marvelous too btw, but then every woman who has a baby is marvellous. We all have diff battle scars, so each to their own, right?

I don’t understand these comments, habe a quiet word with them, ffs this isn’t their first child. I’m sure they don’t need the op to have a quiet word with them, how patronising,

I felt fine after both my births, it effects everyone in different ways. Particularly as you get older, I think I'd struggle a lot more now.