Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flawless SIL. Jealous

156 replies

veniceorna · 16/08/2022 09:21

My SIL had a baby Sunday morning.

We were all beaming and excited. Couldn't wait to meet the baby! But none of us wanted to push it for a visit too soon so were waiting for an invite

My SIL asked if we all fancied Turkish Restaurant! We were shocked but jumped at the chance to see baby etc, wondering how SIL could possibly face it

There she was, arriving out of hospital and with us. Face full of flawless make up. Heels on. Dress on. She looked amazing. My niece with her and breastfeeding

What's more, my nephew was back that afternoon with her and she had nephew (5) with her too. My brother isn't really very hands on with him and struggles so God knows how she pulls it off

When I gave birth, normal Vagina delivery; I went home and ate biscuits for a few days in bed BlushSad

My SIL had a third degree tear!

OP posts:
Yogity · 16/08/2022 10:31

I'm always in awe of women like that, especially with other DC at home. Perhaps she felt good after having her first baby and regretted not going out.

I had a 2nd degree tear with DD and it took a good week for the anti inflammatory suppositories to wear off. I felt like a superhuman birthing queen in that time. I also did my hair and makeup in hospital because I was waiting 3 hours for pharmacy to bring over meds so i could be discharged and DD was asleep. If you checked in a week later things were very leaky boobs, sofa & biscuits though 😋

IceStationZebra · 16/08/2022 10:31

tealandteal · 16/08/2022 09:41

There is such a thing as Post Partum Euphoria, the opposite of PPD basically but potentially still as harmful as you can push yourself too much. She may have genuinely recovered but perhaps keep an eye that she doesn’t feel pressure to show she is coping.

That’s interesting @tealandteal , never heard of that. I recall getting a frown and raised eyebrow from the health visitor when DS was about four weeks old - she’d arrived to find me fully dressed and made up, because after the appointment with her I was heading into town with the pram to meet a friend for lunch. I was really looking forward to it and it ended up being a great afternoon, he slept the whole time except for a feed just after we’d finished lunch, perfect timing. Made up for the days when I stayed in sweaty pyjamas until noon.

Crunchymum · 16/08/2022 10:31

I also know someone who gave birth on NYE (daytime) and was home that evening sipping champagne at a family dinner.

maranella · 16/08/2022 10:33

I felt great after my second delivery and was shopping in Sainsbury's the day afterwards. After my first delivery I sat on the sofa for a week and couldn't have imagined doing anything normal! Doing all that with a third-degree tear though is impressive. I hope she's doing as well as she seemed - she was probably exhausted afterwards.

Mumspair1 · 16/08/2022 10:33

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 16/08/2022 10:20

Not for every woman is childbirth a physical and emotional desaster .

But there is a trend here on MN that all women who seem to be 'to balanced and happy in themselves' or who 'seem to cope just fine' need to be taken down a notch.

Yes I have noticed that. The standard is you should be looking like shit and allowing nobody to see the baby. I had an elcs and was ready to host a week later. I applied makeup on my second day In hospital as I had visitors who wanted to see the baby.

SemperIdem · 16/08/2022 10:34

Whilst I think your SIL has hit upon a genius idea re letting everyone meet the baby in one hit without it being at her own home, making a mess and potentially out staying their welcome - no I could not feel jealous of her. The lazy arse “hands off” husband is not to be envied.

Topgub · 16/08/2022 10:35

I think the belief that women must not ever look like 'shit' or that the ideal is always 'put together' with make up really harmful.

That brings women down far more

CapturedLeprechaun · 16/08/2022 10:35

My 2nd was born just before Christmas, so I brought him along to our group "girls" christmas meal, he wasn't even 24 hours old! I had a lovely evening getting to see all my friends, ate some wonderful food, and felt fantastic. It also saved 10+ visitors coming to my house in dribs and drabs to meet him, so I much preferred it that way!

I think it's a good easy way for the baby to meet lots of people in one big hit without having to host everyone at your home, so for extroverts I can entirely see why it works well!

downfield · 16/08/2022 10:37

I applied makeup on my second day In hospital as I had visitors who wanted to see the baby.

when was this? aren't most people out of hospital asap nowadays & the days of the entire family turning up to see baby on the ward gone?

Crunchymum · 16/08/2022 10:38

maranella · 16/08/2022 10:33

I felt great after my second delivery and was shopping in Sainsbury's the day afterwards. After my first delivery I sat on the sofa for a week and couldn't have imagined doing anything normal! Doing all that with a third-degree tear though is impressive. I hope she's doing as well as she seemed - she was probably exhausted afterwards.

I was utterly exhausted after my first delivery (50+ hour labour) and we were kept in for 36 hours after birth due to meconium in the waters / time of day I delivered. I think I managed a walk when baby was 4 days it was winter and freezing but we has people up from day we got home. Everyone who visited literally a had a cuddle and a cuppa then they left.

I too was in Sainsbury's the day after my second delivery. It was a much faster and easier delivery and I was discharged 6 hours after baby arrived.

surreygirl1987 · 16/08/2022 10:41

it's extremely patronising that anyone feels its necessary to pull that person aside for a "quiet word" to direct them back to their bed and their pyjamas

Absolutely!

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 16/08/2022 10:41

I have some flawless and together friends who can do stuff like this (managing multiple children, FT jobs, glamorous turnout) with no problems, and they take pleasure from it.
Very different from me (both in wanting to be like that, and/or actually being ABLE to be like that!) but it's just them and I love them for it as well as being in awe ;-)

Original poster
veniceorna · 16/08/2022 10:45

Cyw2018 · 16/08/2022 10:28

I had Hyperemesis and felt like I'd been poisoned for my enitre pregnancy, this cleared instantly on delivery and I felt amazing. We did so much in the 2 weeks DH was on paternity leave, lots of walks in snowy mountains, meals out, visits to PIL 1.5 hours away.

Interesting. SIL also has HG throughout. I remember her phoning me after her first one born, she said she felt like a person again

OP posts:
Mumspair1 · 16/08/2022 10:46

downfield · 16/08/2022 10:37

I applied makeup on my second day In hospital as I had visitors who wanted to see the baby.

when was this? aren't most people out of hospital asap nowadays & the days of the entire family turning up to see baby on the ward gone?

This was 6 years ago in another country where a CS stay is 3-4 days as a standard.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/08/2022 10:49

Why are you so jealous/bitchy?

downfield · 16/08/2022 10:50

This was 6 years ago in another country where a CS stay is 3-4 days as a standard.

thought it didn't sound familiar!

Original poster
veniceorna · 16/08/2022 10:51

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/08/2022 10:49

Why are you so jealous/bitchy?

I am very jealous. I can't get anything together like that! I'm a bit too chaotic

I'm not bitchy. My SIL is amazing

OP posts:
Beamur · 16/08/2022 10:52

I think if you've had a difficult pregnancy, you probably do feel much better after giving birth!
I felt like I had been run over for 24 hours post partum, but actually felt ok after that and was up and about pretty much as normal once I was discharged from hospital. I stayed in a couple of days as DD needed some treatment before she could come home.

Misunderstoodagain · 16/08/2022 10:52

I was out within 24 hours of having my 1st (and only). I was walking around a beach tourist area the next day breastfeeding and eating with my family. I just wanted to show him off! Apart from one day me and my partner were out each day with my family who had flown over to visit for the 1st few weeks. I loved every minute of it. This was the year before covid so maybe I might of been more cautious.
On the other hand my friend didn't leave the house for 6 weeks! I just couldn't get it really and even when I did finally see her I wasn't allowed to touch the baby despite her all over my newborn the week he was born 🤨
Everyone is just different, doesn't make either way wrong.

NiqueNique · 16/08/2022 10:52

Ah well that explains it then - she’ll be feeling human again after an absolutely torturous pregnancy.

Don’t worry about the comments from people who couldn’t accurately read the tone of your OP - it was perfectly clear that you weren’t being spiteful.

MrsMoastyToasty · 16/08/2022 10:53

We went out for pub meals about 4 time in the first fortnight after DS was born. It was easier than shopping for food, getting it home and then cooking it.

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 10:53

Some people on here really do struggle with reading comprehension

You're clearly not jealous in a bitchy way

More a 'how does she do it' way

YANBU I'd be in awe too

SleeplessInEngland · 16/08/2022 10:53

Good for her. I see there are some on here who can't believe something more sinister isn't going on but some mothers just get ove births quickly. Lucky them.

superplumb · 16/08/2022 10:54

I'm sure she knows what shes doing. My sister was like this. She also walked home from the hospital afterwards. Some women recover easily and others take a bit longer. Just be there for her if she does need help.

Topgub · 16/08/2022 10:59

But why are you jealous?
What is there to be jealous of?

Certainly not a useless oh.