Flawless SIL. Jealous

[veniceorna]

My SIL had a baby Sunday morning.

We were all beaming and excited. Couldn't wait to meet the baby! But none of us wanted to push it for a visit too soon so were waiting for an invite

My SIL asked if we all fancied Turkish Restaurant! We were shocked but jumped at the chance to see baby etc, wondering how SIL could possibly face it

There she was, arriving out of hospital and with us. Face full of flawless make up. Heels on. Dress on. She looked amazing. My niece with her and breastfeeding

What's more, my nephew was back that afternoon with her and she had nephew (5) with her too. My brother isn't really very hands on with him and struggles so God knows how she pulls it off

When I gave birth, normal Vagina delivery; I went home and ate biscuits for a few days in bed

My SIL had a third degree tear!

I was out the next day, just for a walk and a coffee, and went for brunch with family a few days later, and I did shower every day and put a little bit of make up on even the day I had DS, purely because it helped me feel more human, but we’re talking tinted moisturiser, lip balm and a swipe of mascara, hair in a mum bun, not full contour and high heels!

I felt terrible and DS didn’t sleep at all for 3 weeks unless he was held and I just needed to do something each day to remind me I was human.

Give you SiL a break! She's enjoying herself. And YABU for being jealous ...

But more generally, just what is it with all these sister-in-law threads? OPs posting them often give the impression of being in competition with and jealous of their SiLs. Such insecurity.

The only unreasonable ones here are posters like you who can't understand the tone of this post

I also think the restaurant is ingenious. Means no hosting at home, she gets to call it quits when she wants, and has to do no work. You can tell it’s not her first rodeo.

My mam always talked about how Euphoric she was after my birth, like a wave of love like she never felt before hit her.

I did NOT experiance that myself with any of my kids, the baby plops out and I instant fall asleep lol. Theres been complications with me everytime and birth is the most exausting thing Ive ever done, I need the sleep.

I sometimes wondered if Im broken when listening to other women, like I have no urge to be delivered to my chest, do skin to skin and breastfeed I dont 'need' that to bond (but DH loves the bond of finally getting to hold them and put their first outfit on etc... which is fine by me).

Over time I think I realised that maybe it was because my mother wasnt 'maternal' and had no great urge to have kids (my dad talked her into it) so that hit her all at once.

Where as I always really wanted kid, went through years of trying and IVF and loss so I felt that 'love' long before birth and it wasnt an overwhelming 'suprise' feeling for me just a relief that baby was here alive and I could relax because now it was finally in someone elses hands.

I'm jealous of her, I'd love to have flawless makeup heels and look so together and I haven't just had a baby. When someone is jealous they want what the other person had.

It is ultimately a compliment, op writes as if in awe, in fact she is putting herself down.

if anything just pop in during the week with ready made meals and ask to take the older kids so she can focus on the baby - or look after the baby so she can shower

for the love of god don’t do this, by all means phone and offer but do not be fronting up at her door with meals and saying you will look after the baby. Ask if she needs anything, offer, but don’t be so presumptious as to just turn up

why are some posters so adamant a woman having her second or third really can’t be coping and need speaking to and careful management, it’s so patronising it’s cringe.

each birth is different. With number one I felt fantastic through pregnancy but she nearly killed me and I was on a ventilator etc and in itu for a few weeks. However when I got home she slept, never cried etc and I was fantastic. C section and recovered fast. Horse riding and canoeing in 4 weeks and scuba diving in 6 weeks.

baby number 2, in hospital for most of my pregnancy and delivery was quick but he was a poorly baby and I felt shot for years he’s 8 and still doesn’t sleep through the night - he had to sleep on me and then 20 minutes feed vomit poo and repeat - shudder it was awful.

if I had pregnancy 1, delivery 2 both c section and recovered and same day and a baby that slept like 1. I would have been running in days -

Good for her. Everyone is different. I left hospital with my hair done and make up on. The evening I left hospital we went for a Chinese meal with family and I had a glass of bubbly. I felt great. Once the painkillers wore off the pain of the third degree tears did kick in 😭.

She admitted she was jealous in the title, can't some people just learn to understand nuance.

I was exactly the same after kind. I felt like I had just bought my children I honestly felt fine

It's also mush easier to meet people en mass otherwise the constant dribble of visitors is exhausting. I bet she doesn't have her heels on the rest of the time. It's easier to make an effort for one blast.

Go easy on her

Why wouldn't she be able to shower? 😂

These replies

Team SIL here.

I didn't go quite as far as she but I was back in my jeans before I left hospital after having DS and keen to pick up the reins of my life as quickly as possible. Having had the most miserable pregnancy I was raring to go.

I found all the instructions to rest from well meaning people just plain irritating. I'm not the sort to slob around in PJs all day eating biscuits and I don't even own any "loungewear".

We are all different.

Nobody here is saying that 'the ideal is always put together with make up', though, are they?

They're just pointing out that there's no need to sneer or be suspicious of women who feel better after they spruce up a bit, that's all.

I had to have surgery a while ago and after I'd come round and was able to sit up in bed, I washed and moisturised my face, tidied my hair up and put some mascara and concealer on and spritzed myself with cologne. Instantly felt much more cheerful as a result.

I felt amazing after each of my 3 births! Had a shower in hospital before I left, done my hair, makeup , even shaved and done my tan straight after my last 4 weeks ago..on the way home with my 3DC who is 4 weeks old, we went out for dinner on the way home. Sun was scorching , even wore a belly crop top, felt like I looked great and was overjoyed. I don’t remember resting with any of them and EBF them all. You can feel great and look great and also manage births . I had an episiotomy and PPH so was in theatre the whole night and also needed a blood transfusion. It maybe was hormones and euphoria but I certainly don’t remember sitting about in my dressing gown once 🤣! It’s okay to be okay you know ! Good on her!

Third degree tear is no joke. I’d not be jealous at all poor woman!

What!???? 😖

Good for her. My SIL also looked amazing after all three of her kids were born. I looked like death warmed up for about 3 months both times but I always dressed nicely and put some make up on. Personally I'd rather be up and about rather than sat on my sofa all day.

Want she at least walking like John Wayne?

@10HailMarys

Well, yeah they are.

The op definitely is. She's jealous and in awe.

That definitely implies it's an ideal she wants to achieve.

Its not.

And we really have to be asking why women feel the need to do all this shite in order to feel good

I was your SIL. Out the hospital the next day, out walking every single day, out for lunches, back at the gym 3 weeks PP.

Big mistake. Took me months to heal inside and I was in pain for ages.

She's just in a love bubble.

Xx

It's been two days, her hormones are probably all over the place. Maybe she's trying to fulfil some outward image of perfection due to low self-esteem. Maybe she's just a bit loopy after the birth and manic. Maybe she got incredibly lucky with a simple straightforward birth and genuinely feels absolutely fine. I'm sure in many parts of the world women have no choice but to birth wherever they are and then get up and crack on with baby in a sling.

Couldn't be me tbh, two days after birth I was still unable to sit down or stand up without help, completely incontinent and sobbing 24hr per day because of the problems DC had once he came out. But everyone's different.

I recon she must still be surviving on that post birth adrenaline rush, I got it and was full of energy for a few days. I wasn't in much pain post birth and was full of energy but totally crashed after that!

Everyone is different and each circumstance is different. I bounced back a lot quicker after DD2 was born, plus I was on an adrenaline rush (DH and I went out to a restaurant when she was 2 days old.)

If I slob around in my PJs with no makeup on I feel absolutely awful. Staying at home eating biscuits and not getting dressed would probably have made me depressed to be honest. But it's exactly what some other people need and that's totally fine too!

That's her armour to enable her to cope.