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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fuming with DD

322 replies

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 18:55

For ringing the switchboard to speak to me while I was at work today!! To ask if she could go to the cinema with her friends this afternoon! She’s 17 if that makes any difference. She did try to ring and text my mobile but I was in a meeting! I just feel she should have waited for me to see her message or missed call instead of calling the switchboard in an effort to reach me

OP posts:
Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:10

ChateauMargaux · 15/08/2022 20:09

Could her Dad have helped / been contactable. I would expect a 17 year old to know that if they had tried to contact you by text and phone call that you would get back to them when you could and that phoning the switchboard was not an appropriate thing to do.

He’s not involved and lives in Scotland (we are in London) . And yes I would of course have got back to her text and missed call as soon as I could

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 15/08/2022 20:11

Your hardly going to get into trouble for your daughter ringing in. Stop beingb so uptight, it's no big deal

MissMaple82 · 15/08/2022 20:12

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 19:08

I just feel she should have waited for me to see her text/missed call on my personal phone instead of calling the switchboard

By which time the movies finished! Come on now

Triffid1 · 15/08/2022 20:12

Does calling the switchboard also mean being pulled out of a meeting? Because when Ive worked at large companies, I'd mostly prefer friends/family to call me on my work phone although admittedly they'd have my direct line. Having to keep mobiles handy is annoying, reception is always dodgy etc.

It doesn't seem weird to me that she would try to reach you that way. But, Obviously totally different if she called you and asked switchboard to get you out of a meeting.

dribblewibble · 15/08/2022 20:12

But op. She thought she would have the money and she made plans.

Wouldn't you ring your work if they didn't pay you ? You'd try more than one number if you didn't get an answer?

Shinyandnew1 · 15/08/2022 20:13

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:08

I accidentally forgot!!! People forget occasionally!!! I’ve not forgot it before! She still could have waited for me to see her text/missed call on my mobile though before ringing the switchboard

So because you forgot to give her allowance, you think she should have only tried to contact you on your mobile? You would have been fine with not seeing her message in time, so she would have missed out on going?

I’d have felt awful if my daughter had missed out on going out because of my own forgetfulness.

MissMaple82 · 15/08/2022 20:14

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:04

She does get an allowance at the start of each week but I forgot to transfer it this morning/yesterday evening

Right, so it's your fault anyway, yetbyou have the audacity to be "fuming"

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:14

Triffid1 · 15/08/2022 20:12

Does calling the switchboard also mean being pulled out of a meeting? Because when Ive worked at large companies, I'd mostly prefer friends/family to call me on my work phone although admittedly they'd have my direct line. Having to keep mobiles handy is annoying, reception is always dodgy etc.

It doesn't seem weird to me that she would try to reach you that way. But, Obviously totally different if she called you and asked switchboard to get you out of a meeting.

She’s just said switchboard told her I was in a meeting and she asked if it would still be possible to be put through. She does have my direct desk phone number too so she would have been better ringing that as one of my team would have answered it if I wasn’t there

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 15/08/2022 20:14

Just saw your update re you forgetting to give her money. I still think that calling switchboard and getting you out of a meeting was inappropriate BUT..... you forgot to give her pocket money while on holiday and you're surprised that she was now desperate for her money? Hahahahahaha. Has payroll ever forgotten to pay you? I bet you'd take it pretty badly.

pimlicoanna · 15/08/2022 20:18

I honestly couldn't get myself worked up about that. She used her initiative.

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:19

Triffid1 · 15/08/2022 20:14

Just saw your update re you forgetting to give her money. I still think that calling switchboard and getting you out of a meeting was inappropriate BUT..... you forgot to give her pocket money while on holiday and you're surprised that she was now desperate for her money? Hahahahahaha. Has payroll ever forgotten to pay you? I bet you'd take it pretty badly.

I would have got back to her message and missed call ASAP as soon as I was out of the meeting

OP posts:
RenegadeMatron · 15/08/2022 20:19

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:08

I accidentally forgot!!! People forget occasionally!!! I’ve not forgot it before! She still could have waited for me to see her text/missed call on my mobile though before ringing the switchboard

But you said YOURSELF that she would have missed the movie, if she’d done that.

Confused

Which department is this that you’re head of? Piss-up in a brewery, by any chance?

excitingusername · 15/08/2022 20:20

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:19

I would have got back to her message and missed call ASAP as soon as I was out of the meeting

But how would she know how long that was - her cinema trip might have been imminent.

You're not fuming at all - you're just bored.

Shinyandnew1 · 15/08/2022 20:20

I would have got back to her message and missed call ASAP as soon as I was out of the meeting

But you admit she would have missed the film had she done this!

This way, despite your forgetfulness in transferring her allowance, she didn’t miss the film. Why are you not pleased?

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:20

RenegadeMatron · 15/08/2022 20:19

But you said YOURSELF that she would have missed the movie, if she’d done that.

Confused

Which department is this that you’re head of? Piss-up in a brewery, by any chance?

Head of UK and Ireland publicity

OP posts:
Notanotherwindow · 15/08/2022 20:21

This whole situation is bizarre.

You gave her the number with no instructions as to when it was appropriate to use it and she did not know, nor could she possibly have known you were in a meeting.

You forgot to give her her allowance. This whole situation is of your making so I don't really see how its fair to be furious with her.

Not even going to ask why your 17 year old still gets an allowance, that's just weird. Allowances are for school aged children. Don't her friends take the piss out of her?

I'd have been mortified to have to ask my mum for money and permission to go somewhere at that age, I don't think there was anyone in my friendship group at 17 who didn't work part time.

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:21

And it was a very important meeting, not just a meeting with my team

OP posts:
perimenofertility · 15/08/2022 20:22

Unless you work as an emergency services call handler and she called 999 to get hold of you then I don't see the problem with her calling your work. Maybe have a chat with her about not having you pulled out of meetings though.

excitingusername · 15/08/2022 20:23

Well I think to know if it's truly an important job we should also know the salary.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 15/08/2022 20:23

Just go and apologise to your DD for forgetting to send her the pocket money she'd made plans with - rather than failing trying to justify your "fuming" response Confused

LizzieSiddal · 15/08/2022 20:24

OP she only had to ring because you forgot to transfer her allowance. Can’t you see that?

Just have a chat with her and ask her not to ring the switch board unless it’s an emergency.
Then set up a DD to her account so you won’t forget again.

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:25

LizzieSiddal · 15/08/2022 20:24

OP she only had to ring because you forgot to transfer her allowance. Can’t you see that?

Just have a chat with her and ask her not to ring the switch board unless it’s an emergency.
Then set up a DD to her account so you won’t forget again.

Going to set up the direct debit now

OP posts:
RenegadeMatron · 15/08/2022 20:26

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:20

Head of UK and Ireland publicity

Um, I wasn’t actually asking you to identify yourself, OP. 😬

Triffid1 · 15/08/2022 20:26

You really are over reacting massively here. Yes, its not ideal that she didn't think "hang on,mum's in a meeting, better not disturb her". But a) you did cause this issue by forgetting to transfer her allowance and b) she's a 17 year old who made a slightly incorrect judgement call in a situation she didn't create.

Frankly, your colleagues should understand (assuming you don't regularly get called out of meetings to take calls from a 17 year old).

And if you work in PR, you should have been able to fudge that call anyway - "sorry, quick question re an event taking place. What were you saying Marty?"

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:27

RenegadeMatron · 15/08/2022 20:26

Um, I wasn’t actually asking you to identify yourself, OP. 😬

It wouldn’t matter as you still don’t know what company and I’m not sharing that on MN

OP posts: