To be fuming with DD

[Snowisallaround]

For ringing the switchboard to speak to me while I was at work today!! To ask if she could go to the cinema with her friends this afternoon! She’s 17 if that makes any difference. She did try to ring and text my mobile but I was in a meeting! I just feel she should have waited for me to see her message or missed call instead of calling the switchboard in an effort to reach me

If switchboard staff asked a teenager, who hadn’t received an allowance and wanted to see a film that started soon, if a call is urgent then yes, from her perspective it was urgent. From yours it wasn’t. You’re getting mighty wound up over this slight misunderstanding. Maybe she weighed up the pros and cons and decided a bollocking from a parent was preferable to missing day out with friends. I can remember doing a similar cost benefit analysis loads at that age. It’s easier to seek forgiveness than permission. Might be worth reading up on brain development to understand her perspective a bit better.

Fuming. Some sort of grip needed.

You’re fuming and need to calm down... over this?! Imagine if she had actually done something wrong! Yes it was probably a little embarrassing and it wasn’t ideal but it was time critical and therefore urgent to her, because you messed up. The very cause of the problem was you forgetting to give her the money
I would never want my children to feel like work came first and they couldn’t contact me unless they were dying or whatever else you would personally class as an absolute emergency.
You haven’t given a single good reason why you’re so mad. The world isn’t going to end because you had to take a 30 second phone call. I think you’re asking for problems in the relationship you have with your daughter by reacting in this way.

Wow total over reaction. I actually think how polite she was to wait to ask you in the first place.

just ask her not to call your switchboard and that if you don’t reply to texts it’s because you are in a meeting.

i have a teen and she would probably do the same but i would not be cross - she has done worse!

My 14 yo dd has dh’s credit card on her phone rather than an allowance. She doesn’t abuse it. I get why a 17 yo would need an allowance more than a 14 yo as she’s far more dependent. But perhaps having access to your card for urgent situations or emergencies could be a good thing?

Oh and I also think you’re overreacting. Your dd has had the No for years and not used it.

It's happened once. Take a chill pill. Cinema with friends is important to her. Does she have a job? Does she get an allowance? Mayne make sure she always has some money. She should do at 17.

If you gave her the number for emergencies, and she abused it by calling when it wasn’t an emergency, you need to ask her how she expects you to earn money for her to go to the cinema when she interrupts you at work for something that isn’t an emergency. If my daughter had done something like that, the answer would have been that not only did she not get the money she wanted, but “from now on” she can earn her own spending money. Seventeen is too old to be behaving so inconsiderately of Mom.

Just caught up. You forgot to transfer her the money! So completely your fault then. Don't shift the blame to your daughter. Her hanging out with friends is as important to her as you being in your big important meeting.

Plus since covid it has become completely normal for people to be disturbed by kids, postmen etc during meetings. Even the big important meetings.

If you're in PR you should have known how to style it out with humour.

Why didn't she call her father?

Ok I had a good long think today, and decided that I was being a bit too harsh with DD over yesterday. So I’ve since apologised to DD for not paying her allowance on time and set it up as standing order for future reference. I’ve also had a brief char with her about when may be appropriate to ring the switchboard in future but i did stress that I wasn’t having a go and that she wasn’t in trouble or anything

He’s not involved unfortunately

Awk no, she's 17, it's an age where some may still feel like they need permission and on the other hand doesn't. At least she asked... she wanted to let you know. And she's went and had fun with friends.
I personally wouldn't be annoyed at her :)

Phew. And that's really good to hear.

Good job OP! Sounds like things turned out well.

“I won’t get into trouble. I’m a head of department in an extremely large company“
You won’t be challenged about this so no worries at work.
You’re “fuming”
Yes absolutely YABU.
She’s your daughter, presumably she doesn’t do this regularly and there’s no negative fallout for you.
At 17, she doesn’t have access to funds of her own? Is it because she’s not good with money and had to ask you for some?
I can’t fathom why you are so incensed unless there is more to it.
If it’s purely the phone call, I’d say you need to relax.

Gosh you sound very self important. Get over yourself. When you are gone your memorial stone will mention your family not your job!!

That sounds really sensible. I do think ringing at work can be a bit of a minefield.

I used to be allowed to call my father's office because if they were out on a job no one was there and if they were there it was fine to chat. You never called mum's work unless it was something really pretty bad (but not like a hospitalisation emergency, it didn't have to be that bad). I called a couple of times, there wasn't any mobile signal, but I usually timed it for a break.

Whereas my parents now can call me pretty much whenever but it Has to be on my mobile. I have been known to ditch a meeting before to answer my mobile as we were in a really difficult phase with my grandparents and someone had rung me 3x in 5 minutes. It turned out my dad didn't know how to do something on word <sigh>. My work are pretty good though, pretty much anyone would answer a call from their parents if they got so many in that time, so I don't think anyone minded.

Doesn't really matter what you like to do. This post is about the OP. And the OP took good advice and apologized to her daughter. Realizing that her level of anger was inappropriate.

It's not too late for you to take parenting classes you know. But I doubt you will because of the amount of talking you do, thinking you are right and trying to convince others of it. If you want to talk more about YOU, write your own post.

The thing I’d be embarrassed is not her calling me at work , but about what my colleagues Wouid think about my 17 year old daughter having to try to get hold of me to ask for permission to go to the cinema !
The will think she’s being locked in the cupboard under the stairs now lol 😂

But that would in effect be a lie, because OP knows full well that the call didn't jeopardise her ability to earn money by one iota. And the chances are that her daughter would know it, too. Blatant lying is hardly a great foundation for a mother/daughter relationship, is it?

This! I think this is on the switchboard/reception as they should screen rhe call and ask if its an emergency, not just go "ok, a teenager wants to talk to mum..Guess I'll just have to do it". They also presumably know when the meeting finishes and can tell her. Or, once they know what it's regarding, pass you a message so that you can politely excuse yourself to deal with it if you want to. Just putting the call through on a teenager's say so is really not professional at all.
And if you had to excuse yourself to quickly sort it and transfer money, well yes, thats because you forgot, so seems fair enough

So this is on you.
You shouldn't have to 'calm down' and fuming is really OTT.
She needed her allowance to go out, you're at work. Her life isn't less important to yours.
You might feel annoyed but she's done nothing wrong.

@Snowisallaround it was fine for her to call but not fine to pull you out of a meeting. But had you set up a standing order (don’t make it a DD!) then she would not have been in that position. So just a quick chat like “sorry I forgot to transfer your allowance. I’ve sorted that now. Can we just be clear that while it is fine for you to call work (use my direct line if I don’t answer mobile), it is not ok to call me out of a meeting unless it is an emergency” (health, safety - whatever OP considers appropriate). It’s not her fault she still had your number and the boundaries were not understood.

Utterly absurd. Laughable.