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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming with DD

322 replies

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 18:55

For ringing the switchboard to speak to me while I was at work today!! To ask if she could go to the cinema with her friends this afternoon! She’s 17 if that makes any difference. She did try to ring and text my mobile but I was in a meeting! I just feel she should have waited for me to see her message or missed call instead of calling the switchboard in an effort to reach me

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/08/2022 19:41

I don’t understand why she doesn’t have money of her own! If DS had to phone me and ask for money to be transferred every time he needed to go to the cinema/buy clothes/grab some food with friends, etc, it would do my head in, and his too!

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/08/2022 19:42

Wow kids however old they are can really do no wrong on mumsnet!

as a mum you can never be annoyed or irritated or angry at your offspring

it wasn’t an emergency, she should have waited for you to text. But no she wanted money from Op for cinema and that’s all that mattered to her at that point

BigFatLiar · 15/08/2022 19:42

It's a bit sad she has to ask for money to have an afternoon out with her pals, unless of course she's always spending. I'd check that she has access to enough cash to enjoy the day, even if it means you ask her to do some chores around the house.

carefullycourageous · 15/08/2022 19:43

I still do not understand why the OP is so annoyed.

excitingusername · 15/08/2022 19:43

So, you're not embarrassed, you're not in trouble, why then does this warrant any kind of reaction other than a small explanation to your child at the end of the day.

Though we do now know you are head of department and were in a very important meeting. I mean, we're all the better off for knowing it.

godmum56 · 15/08/2022 19:43

is it her money you had or was she asking for a loan?

Darkness22 · 15/08/2022 19:43

Oh my god, I constantly used to ring mum at work through the switchboard!! You've just brought it back to me!!

RenegadeMatron · 15/08/2022 19:43

So you’re not in trouble, you’re not embarrassed and you don’t have anger management issues.

But you are ‘fuming’ and you do need to calm down.

Have I got it right…? Confused

This is one of the biggest non-events I’ve come across. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.

P.S. I suggest loosening the purse-strings a bit and making sure your 17YO has access to some cash.

Zingy123 · 15/08/2022 19:46

What a complete overreaction over nothing. Just because you are Head of department you are still her Mum.

Wishimaywishimight · 15/08/2022 19:54

Why on earth do you need calming down? You must know you are being utterly riduculous. Daughter phones mum at work - shocker...

wordler · 15/08/2022 19:55

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 19:03

I won’t get into trouble. I’m a head of department in an extremely large company. But no I won’t be in trouble for it

Show quote history

Then why are you fuming?

She did the logical thing after not getting a response from your mobile.

FunnyBeaux · 15/08/2022 19:56

Talk about OTT.

NumberTheory · 15/08/2022 19:57

I think fuming at her is a huge over reaction. It wasn’t intended to be detrimental to you and it wasn’t detrimental to you. What are you angry about?

All it’s done is shown that she is unaware of work norms around using a main switchboard number. Perhaps exacerbated a bit by a typical teen lack of thought about what it probably means if you aren’t answering your mobile. So she sounds a little immature in that sense, but just needs a bit of an explanation and maybe some exposure to a working environment.

There’s also the issue of her wanting to do something that costs money and running to you to fund it - which is itself a bit of a childish arrangement for a 17 year old, unless it’s just an anomaly.

Cantgetoffthisbus · 15/08/2022 20:02

At least she used her initiative and maybe she didn't feel comfortable asking for a loan from her friends. Hope she had a good time.

Mariposista · 15/08/2022 20:02

As you aren’t in trouble for this, it’s absolutely ridiculous. Your adolescent daughter is telling you where she will be rather than just get the money off a mate and go anyway, leaving you unaware. Ringing to ask ‘where’s the milk’ would be a cause for irritation, your daughter sounds responsible.

Original poster
Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:04

She does get an allowance at the start of each week but I forgot to transfer it this morning/yesterday evening

OP posts:
dribblewibble · 15/08/2022 20:05

That's your fault then. Set it up as a weekly standing order.

Original poster
Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:06

dribblewibble · 15/08/2022 20:05

That's your fault then. Set it up as a weekly standing order.

Yeah I might do moving forward

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/08/2022 20:06

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:04

She does get an allowance at the start of each week but I forgot to transfer it this morning/yesterday evening

Bloody hell op. Then it’s you who should be apologising to her for putting her in that position. Honestly. You need to do all the head wobbling / grip getting / unclenching / calming the fuck down / eating humble pie you can muster.

Original poster
Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:07

Serialcatmum · 15/08/2022 19:40

I mean j kinda get why you’re annoyed. She’s 17 and folk are acting like she’s 9 and doesn’t understand it’s inappropriate.

You are definitely ignoring all the posters asking why she doesn’t have any access to money.

i think this makes all the difference. If she needed you to transfer her allowance over (that you were Due to do that day/ had forgotten) or if you “looked after “ her part time wages or something then ri feel it’s justified really. If she’s spent her allocated money and jusy wants extra, that’s very cheeky and putting you in an awkward position.

Just answered in a pp about why she needed me to have access to money

OP posts:
dribblewibble · 15/08/2022 20:07

I can't believe you're fuming with her when this is on you

Original poster
Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:08

BitOutOfPractice · 15/08/2022 20:06

Bloody hell op. Then it’s you who should be apologising to her for putting her in that position. Honestly. You need to do all the head wobbling / grip getting / unclenching / calming the fuck down / eating humble pie you can muster.

Show quote history

I accidentally forgot!!! People forget occasionally!!! I’ve not forgot it before! She still could have waited for me to see her text/missed call on my mobile though before ringing the switchboard

OP posts:
ChateauMargaux · 15/08/2022 20:09

Could her Dad have helped / been contactable. I would expect a 17 year old to know that if they had tried to contact you by text and phone call that you would get back to them when you could and that phoning the switchboard was not an appropriate thing to do.

Original poster
Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:09

dribblewibble · 15/08/2022 20:07

I can't believe you're fuming with her when this is on you

I’m not fuming with her for asking for the allowance. I’m fuming with her for ringing the switchboard instead of waiting for me to see her text/missed call on my mobile

OP posts:
NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 15/08/2022 20:10

You sound extremely stressed and VERY controlling OP.

You forgot to give her her usual pocket money.

She made plans using the money she'd expect to get.

She didn't get it so called and texted you.

You didn't reply so she called your switchboard.

You won't get in trouble. You are not embarrassed.

So ... the only problem is that you let her down and she called you out on it?

Jesus, poor kid.