Can you even call it cheating?

[SlickShady]

Inspired by another trending thread which I didn't want to derail, but actually it's not just that particular thread. How many times do people (usually women) complain their partner was cheating because they had sex outside of the marriage, yet they readily admit there was hardly or no sex within the marriage?

Can you really call that cheating?

I posit that cheating is only when you fulfil your side of the bargain but the other party doesn't. When one partner is always knackered or not in the mood, it's narcissistic to expect the other party just to do without. You can't even call it cheating if they find sex elsewhere.

Sure the favourite response is 'they have the option of leaving before cheating', but why is the onus of leaving on the partner who's deprived rather than the one depriving. Surely if one partner decides to hardly or never have sex anymore, it should be on them to leave.

That’s what I said, but was accused of being a bully! OP’s attitude is disgusting and I stand by why I previously said, that it’s likely his wife won’t shag him because he’s a knob or probably so self centred and selfish that he doesn’t satisfy her as is only concerned about his own needs.

• before anyone jumps on me about other men whose wives don’t have sex with them, I’m not implying that their spouses don’t have sex with them for this same reason, I’m only referring to this OP. I’m well aware that tiredness and hormones etc can affect libido. But this guy….blindingly obvious why. Any person who tries to justify cheating is disgusting.

There's often some kind of mitigating circumstances when someone cheats but it's still wrong.

I have an explicit agreement with my partner that we are exclusive.

I agree to have sex with him on a case by case basis because if I don't agree that's rape. Hth.

I agree to have sex with him on a case by case basis because if I don't agree that's rape
Quite!

@CFLandlordStory

Thanks for your response. While you clearly disagree, at least you addressed the issues I mentioned.

Andrew Tate? Is that you OP? I know TikTok, Facebook and Instagram are off the cards for you now but you might not find your audience on Mumsnet!

I’ve always had the rule with partners that if they wouldn’t do it when I was stood next to them, then it’s not on. And vice versa. So would he sext someone if I was there reading the messages? No, so he shouldn’t be doing it if I’m not. Would he talk to a female colleague about work with me there, yes so it’s fine. It only works if we trust eachother, but it works

Life's not black and white like that. There's no sex therefore I can get it somewhere else. My marriage didn't have sex for ages. By your rational I should have sought it else where. It's narcissistic of h to think I can do without it while he's ill, having treatment and waiting for a transplant.
I feel sorry for your partner.