Page 8 | To Send ILL toddler DD on holiday

TiredHippo · 2022-08-15T03:29:50+00:00

Changed user name as don't want anyone knowing me from my other posts. My Ex BF is supposed to be taking my DD on holiday today, the flight is in the afternoon (3:00ish) but she's just woken up hot to the touch and thrown up, gave her Capol but threw it straight up. I phoned to let him know, and his attitude, to be honest, has angered me so much. I get from his tone, that he still wants to take her away with him. It's for a week away, and I'm not happy that he expects a toddler, who has just thrown up, with a temperature and is boiling hot to the touch to be able to get to the airport (1.5-2 hrs away, depending on traffic) to then go through the rigmarole of going through the airport, to then spend 4 hours on a flight. I said I didn't want her going through all that, but he said to.....stick a cold towel underneath her and see how she feels later. I get his frustration, I really do, as nobody wants their plans to change, especially when you've all been looking forward to go, but would IBU to insist I don't think she's well enough to go gievn the circumstances. Please be kind, I've got an ILL toddler at the moment.

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 11:03

Festoonlights · 15/08/2022 10:50

No Judge in the land is going to penalise a mother for keeping her two year old child at home if she ill!
If it was a repeated pattern that might different but honestly! The hysteria on here.

you are absolutely hilarious, a judge would because she has to hand the child over whether it’s ill or not …. the other parent is perfectly capable of taking care of an ill child. He decides whether it goes on holiday or not, not the mother.
No doubt you have the same opinion that no judge in the land would throw a child out of their home, I can personally absolutely assure you they would.

Thatboymum · 15/08/2022 11:04

I just had a bad 48 hour d&v bug and as an adult the absolute last place I wanted to be was outside my bed I couldn’t have traveled in a car and deffo not a stuffy plane I would have really struggled, if it was my kids I would have cancelled and claimed on my insurance I’d never put them through that even if it was just going to last 24 hours. These bugs are so contagious too I can’t believe anybody suggesting she should sit in a confined space and spread it because it’s a shame for dad to miss out 😳

DorothyDollop · 15/08/2022 11:05

Thanks @LemonsOnSaleAgain & @NCHammer2022 I suspect the lovely @OddsandSods did see my apology before replying. They just couldn’t resist going on a charm offensive.

Alas, my photo does not come up when one googled ‘Dorothy Dollop’.

I hope your DD is feeling better OP.

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 11:06

Thatboymum · 15/08/2022 11:04

I just had a bad 48 hour d&v bug and as an adult the absolute last place I wanted to be was outside my bed I couldn’t have traveled in a car and deffo not a stuffy plane I would have really struggled, if it was my kids I would have cancelled and claimed on my insurance I’d never put them through that even if it was just going to last 24 hours. These bugs are so contagious too I can’t believe anybody suggesting she should sit in a confined space and spread it because it’s a shame for dad to miss out 😳

That’s the life of divorced children.
Thats why so many women stay in shitty marriages and relationships until the children are old enough to advocate for themselves because other people will make them do things that they don’t want to in the interests of being fair to the adults.

OakTreex · 15/08/2022 11:07

@Nothappyatwork if they have a court order then yes, in the father's ordered time it is his judgement.

However the mother can choose to exercise parental responsibility whenever she chooses, just as the father can.

She may be penalised by the court though if doing so is not considered to be in the child's best interest.

To determine that, I think the OP should speak to a doctor asap or even 111 for advice so it is on record and a third party input can help determine child's interests.

Badger1970 · 15/08/2022 11:12

I'd let him collect her, and then let him see how she is. I've had a bit of mild heatstroke and that gave me a temperature/made me vomit. I felt horrendous for 72 hours or so.

There's probably an element of him thinking you're trying to sabotage the holiday, so once he's seen her and how poorly she is - let him make the call if he's willing to possibly spend days nursing a sick child. But I'd insist on seeing evidence of travel insurance just to be on the safe side.

allyouneedismarmite · 15/08/2022 11:14

Itloggedmeoutagain · 15/08/2022 09:16

My point was it was unlikely to be cancelled. Lots of posters talking about taking sick child on plane, other passengers etc, the other passengers would still be there if said child was with mum

Show quote history

What a weird comment. Of course the other passengers would still be there. But if the child wasn’t then they aren’t potentially being exposed to a sickness bug.

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 11:15

The trouble is it’s these situations that lead to things escalating. Dad will be hacked off that he’s missing out and he probably won’t believe mum. Let him pick her up and deal with it.

if the other parent isnt allowed to actually be a parent and take the rough with the smooth, that then creates the Disney dad scenario.

allyouneedismarmite · 15/08/2022 11:23

All the people being dismissive and saying “just let the dad deal with it”. You do realise we are talking about a child, right…?

Scepticalwotsits · 15/08/2022 11:23

OakTreex · 15/08/2022 11:02

@Festoonlights sadly Festoon they absolutely would and do. Mothers in family court are heavily penalised and abused. I can tell you haven't been through the system which is a bloody great thing.

Father's rights are often put ahead of children's welfare. Men who have abused children and their mothers are awarded contact and if the mother tries to resist, knowing the child is in danger, she is threatened with loss of residency. It happens up and down this country day in day out.

All the dad would have to do is claim the OP was malicious, lying about the child's illness and say the magic words 'parental alienation' and he'd likely be awarded more time, an order that blocks the mother's input on holidays and more.

Sorry but it's the truth, we assume family court is fair. It is not.

OP, I strongly encourage you to seek medical advice if your daughter doesn't go. Take her to the doctor.

If he does take you to court over this out of frustration or anger that his holiday has been 'blocked' you may heavily rely on those medical records.

Really.

courst have been proved to have a female gender bias especially the family courts.

however people playing up and over exaggerating claims because they are being acrimonious going through the court means those which need actual intervention get missed in the noise.

the courts have to balance all rights and believe it or not men have rights to their children.

not you personally but you cannot claim that men don’t step up and be parents and don’t do their fair share of child care when split and then at the same time demand they only get a evening and weekends.

that said I do agree that with cuts to legal aid there isn’t enough provision for DA victims within the system to ensure a fair and save outcome is always reached, but unfortunately people abuse the system and means others who need the system to listen get the short end as yet another person playing it up

Scepticalwotsits · 15/08/2022 11:24

allyouneedismarmite · 15/08/2022 11:23

All the people being dismissive and saying “just let the dad deal with it”. You do realise we are talking about a child, right…?

Yea and why shouldn’t the dad have to deal with the situation and ill child?

Snowraingain · 15/08/2022 11:28

I can't remember a holiday when my kids were little when one of them.wasnt ill. Dose her up and give him everything he needs. It's not ideal.but the chances are she will get better and have a fab holiday. Worst case scenario he has to take her to the doctor for some antibiotics.
It's very hard for you but he sounds nice and his gf is there so I'm sure she'll be ok.
The timing is always so crap!!

Snowraingain · 15/08/2022 11:29

Also my husband was always way better with the kids when they were ill. I was always super worried and he was always more practical and calm.

Original poster

TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 11:29

Sorry for not replying sooner, had to watch over DD and clean up sick bedsheets, floor, toilet seat etc, and have a talk with her Dad. I've only managed to get through so many posts, so sorry that I haven't read them all. I only put ILL as it kept autocorrecting to I'll everytime I put it in, so I wasn't emphasising she was ill, just my phone being stupid. Me and my ex do get on, there will be no sour legal battle or anything like that. We both look after our DD pretty much equally. We don't go through CSM or anything like that and we work together to make sure we can both look after her while we work round work and Holidays. I had no problem at all with him going away with DD as I think she'd love it, and I'm also taking her away next month. If the shoe was on the other foot, then I would definitely stop at home with her and miss out, I just couldn't bring myself to go off on my own and leave her behind, even if he offered to stay,but that's my perogative. Her temperature was 39.1. I wasn't trying to be awful about him going with her, but I just wanted what was best for my ill DD and I didn't think a day traveling when sick was the best course to getting her better. It does state on the NHS website that it is best to keep children who have a temperature home too. Sorry I can't reply to everyone individually, but thank you to those who have been kind and offered nice advice and help while I've been trying to get her better.

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/08/2022 11:30

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What a thoroughly unpleasant post.

My first thought would be that the temperature and vomiting might just be due to the heat - especially if it was as muggy and close where @TiredHippo is as it was here, last night. But it could just as easily be the start of something more, and even if it isn't contagious (and therefore a risk to other people on the plane), taking a poorly child on holiday doesn't seem like a particularly good idea for anyone - not the child, whoever has to look after them in a hotel/apartment, or for the other people in the party, whose holiday is impacted by one of the adults having to care for the sick child.

allyouneedismarmite · 15/08/2022 11:31

Scepticalwotsits · 15/08/2022 11:24

Yea and why shouldn’t the dad have to deal with the situation and ill child?

Show quote history

Because he’s about to head off on holiday… have you not read the thread?! In this particular situation, if the child doesn’t make a very quick recovery, the mum is best placed to care for her.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/08/2022 11:32

@TiredHippo - I hope she feels better soon.

user1498572889 · 15/08/2022 11:33

Did she go op?

allyouneedismarmite · 15/08/2022 11:33

TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 11:29

Sorry for not replying sooner, had to watch over DD and clean up sick bedsheets, floor, toilet seat etc, and have a talk with her Dad. I've only managed to get through so many posts, so sorry that I haven't read them all. I only put ILL as it kept autocorrecting to I'll everytime I put it in, so I wasn't emphasising she was ill, just my phone being stupid. Me and my ex do get on, there will be no sour legal battle or anything like that. We both look after our DD pretty much equally. We don't go through CSM or anything like that and we work together to make sure we can both look after her while we work round work and Holidays. I had no problem at all with him going away with DD as I think she'd love it, and I'm also taking her away next month. If the shoe was on the other foot, then I would definitely stop at home with her and miss out, I just couldn't bring myself to go off on my own and leave her behind, even if he offered to stay,but that's my perogative. Her temperature was 39.1. I wasn't trying to be awful about him going with her, but I just wanted what was best for my ill DD and I didn't think a day traveling when sick was the best course to getting her better. It does state on the NHS website that it is best to keep children who have a temperature home too. Sorry I can't reply to everyone individually, but thank you to those who have been kind and offered nice advice and help while I've been trying to get her better.

Poor thing! I hope she recovers soon.

Chocolatetrifle · 15/08/2022 11:45

My toddler had a temperature of 40.2 in the night, you can clearly tell when it's not just due to a muggy night. He's been to the Dr this morning and has antibiotics for tonsillitis. He too vomited.

Trust your instincts OP, you have a poorly child who needs care and looking after, not just a dose of calpol and being bunged off on a flight.

sidheandlight · 15/08/2022 11:48

He has to make the call if you are equally parenting. It is his time and he is responsible for her. It may also pass quickly and she misses out then on her entire holiday. I think it is up to him.

rainbowmilk · 15/08/2022 12:13

I think it’s so selfish of parents that do this. My sister’s honeymoon was ruined by a bout of noro from the small child on the plane behind her (her DH heard the vomiting which was explained to cabin crew as travel sickness but then once they’d gone the parents would start discussing whether or not the child could go in the pool with noro). No doubt someone will pop up and ask why my sis was more deserving of a nice holiday than the parents, but I just think knowingly exposing a plane full of people to whatever bug your child has is vile behaviour.

DuchessDarty · 15/08/2022 12:18

Thanks for the update OP. I hope your DD recovers quickly.

OakTreex · 15/08/2022 12:24

@Scepticalwotsits men do not have rights to their children as such. It is the child that has the right to see the parent, not the other way round.

I don't disagree with you in principle that there may be people out there abusing the system. However, there are serious failings that often put children at risk and I find it very difficult. I don't understand why anyone would willingly put their children and themselves through the financial and emotional trauma of court just to hurt the other parent.

Christmasiscominghohoho · 15/08/2022 12:30

rainbowmilk · 15/08/2022 12:13

I think it’s so selfish of parents that do this. My sister’s honeymoon was ruined by a bout of noro from the small child on the plane behind her (her DH heard the vomiting which was explained to cabin crew as travel sickness but then once they’d gone the parents would start discussing whether or not the child could go in the pool with noro). No doubt someone will pop up and ask why my sis was more deserving of a nice holiday than the parents, but I just think knowingly exposing a plane full of people to whatever bug your child has is vile behaviour.

Iv never took a ill child on a plane but I can’t understand why people do.

You pay thousands, wait all year and then a bug that will be gone within a few days shows up as you’re about to leave. You may not be able to rearrange annual leave so you can leave later or change the dates and it can cost hundreds to change flights.

Its not right but I can understand why people do it. I think theres far worse things out there that which counts as vile behaviour then a parents wanting to take their child on holiday.