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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Send ILL toddler DD on holiday

304 replies

TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 04:29

Changed user name as don't want anyone knowing me from my other posts. My Ex BF is supposed to be taking my DD on holiday today, the flight is in the afternoon (3:00ish) but she's just woken up hot to the touch and thrown up, gave her Capol but threw it straight up. I phoned to let him know, and his attitude, to be honest, has angered me so much. I get from his tone, that he still wants to take her away with him. It's for a week away, and I'm not happy that he expects a toddler, who has just thrown up, with a temperature and is boiling hot to the touch to be able to get to the airport (1.5-2 hrs away, depending on traffic) to then go through the rigmarole of going through the airport, to then spend 4 hours on a flight. I said I didn't want her going through all that, but he said to.....stick a cold towel underneath her and see how she feels later. I get his frustration, I really do, as nobody wants their plans to change, especially when you've all been looking forward to go, but would IBU to insist I don't think she's well enough to go gievn the circumstances. Please be kind, I've got an ILL toddler at the moment.

OP posts:
Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 18:50

Whiskeypowers · 15/08/2022 18:25

Again another person who posts about a subject they are ignorant of.

keeping a sick child at home as the OP has done here doesn’t amount to parental alienation when otherwise the child enjoys regular happy time with both parents and there has been sufficient food relations to avoid court and cms

parental alienation is the gradual and systems erosion and denigration / demonisation of one parent in terms of manipulating and skewing a child’s view of the other parent. It is NOT a parent worrying about whether to send a vomiting child off to see her other parent and get on a plane to go on holiday

absolutely pathetic nonsense
wonder if you pedal this sort of rubbish because of things to do with you and your behaviour ???

Show quote history

No I “peddle this nonsense” because that’s what I have seen with my own eyes in the family courts.
sadly I am far from ignorant from this subject, I truly wish I was.

it’s wonderful news that the OP does have a great relationship with her ex and they are able to parent this child cooperatively together.

However the conversation had moved on somewhat from that and we were talking in general terms.

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 18:54

Whiskeypowers · 15/08/2022 18:27

And @Nothappyatwork
if this was a repeated occurrence and said withholding of child was backed up by visits to GP / 111 / a & e / urgent care prescriptions etc all of which could be obtained then it most certainly would count in terms of evidence as it provides a basis for a decision being made by a responsible parent

And @Whiskeypowers it bloody well would not, you’re actually being ridiculous. It would be expected the NRP would be able to manage emergency appointments out of hours medical care, prescriptions etc until it was proven that she/he couldn’t do it the presumption would be that he was perfectly capable of taking care of a sick child. do you think disabled children never spend any time with the non-resident parent who manages their complex care ?

Whiskeypowers · 15/08/2022 19:31

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 18:54

And @Whiskeypowers it bloody well would not, you’re actually being ridiculous. It would be expected the NRP would be able to manage emergency appointments out of hours medical care, prescriptions etc until it was proven that she/he couldn’t do it the presumption would be that he was perfectly capable of taking care of a sick child. do you think disabled children never spend any time with the non-resident parent who manages their complex care ?

Show quote history

You misunderstand
I’m not talking about equally competent and responsible parents sharing any scheduled or unscheduled care whilst they are looking after their child.

im talking about being accused of parental alienation because you - rightly in the interest of the actually child.- felt it was not appreciate to hand a sick child over between each other on the basis of her having a temperature and vomiting to get on a plane and go on holiday. the reach with that is incredible and pathetic.

and let’s face it there’s not been an update to say Dad has cancelled his holiday and stayed at home to care for his daughter. Looks as though it’s fallen to the OP.

equally unless there is true shared care then most of this will fall to the RP. in that situation if the RP can produce medical or clinical evidence to substantiate any decisions regarding contact they make as a parent would be relevant. Anyone who takes that evidence and start prattling on about parental alienation is being ridiculous. especially when they are not doing the majority of the actual parenting. A normal decent NRP in that ssituation wouldn’t use a child being unwell as leverage to attack the other parent.

Whiskeypowers · 15/08/2022 19:32

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 18:50

No I “peddle this nonsense” because that’s what I have seen with my own eyes in the family courts.
sadly I am far from ignorant from this subject, I truly wish I was.

it’s wonderful news that the OP does have a great relationship with her ex and they are able to parent this child cooperatively together.

However the conversation had moved on somewhat from that and we were talking in general terms.

Show quote history

In what context have you seen it “with your own eyes” then?
as a professional or as a parent ?

stillvicarinatutu · 15/08/2022 21:12

Surely this is between the parents to decide and not trial by Mumsnet ? Mum says she has a good relationship with dad and the only reason the tot isn't going is because she is too poorly to go .
That's life . Sometimes people get ill and can't do what they planned . People ring in sick to work . Call off dates . Undo plans because something has prevented them from carrying through . I think a temp and vomiting is a good enough reason not to get on a plane .

Namechangehereandnow · 15/08/2022 21:36

stillvicarinatutu · 15/08/2022 14:21

Read the update .

Show quote history

Update does not mention norovirus at all. There’s no doubt the child is ill, but no need to make up your own ‘facts’ …

stillvicarinatutu · 15/08/2022 21:49

I said she's ill. Covid or noro or something else.
She still isn't fit to travel . That's the fact .

Namechangehereandnow · 15/08/2022 21:57

For those saying take her , next time you catch a bout of noro virus - OP has not said she has norovirus - don’t make it sound like she has.

stillvicarinatutu · 15/08/2022 22:16

It's moot point . The child is being sick and has a temperature.
Mum clearly came to a resolution with dad .
Why keep not picking?

Are you Stephen ? The only militant advocate I know for fathers for justice is a fruit loop who keeps banging on about parental alienation to anyone who'll pretend to
Listen.

RampantIvy · 15/08/2022 23:07

How is your DD now @TiredHippo?
I hope she feels better soon Flowers

Katyaadlerscoat · 16/08/2022 08:17

Did the DD go on holiday with the dad?

thesunwillout · 16/08/2022 08:32

I don't know, all I've scrolled through is people arguing and taking over the thread.
Again

SheeWeee · 16/08/2022 08:45

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 18:13

@SheeWeee you’re just going round and round in circles arguing over nothing this particular case is resolved itself and has been dealt with. You can Huff and puff about everybody being wrong as much as you like, the mother might get to keep the kid back for being sick once maybe twice before it escalates and as of the posters of pointed out it starts to look very much like a case of parental alienation at which point the mother will get her arse kicked in court and no GP records in the world will matter because the standpoint will be the dad will need to do manage the illness as much as mum does.

WTF are you raving about? Are you on the wrong thread?

Namechangehereandnow · 16/08/2022 10:40

stillvicarinatutu · 15/08/2022 22:16

It's moot point . The child is being sick and has a temperature.
Mum clearly came to a resolution with dad .
Why keep not picking?

Are you Stephen ? The only militant advocate I know for fathers for justice is a fruit loop who keeps banging on about parental alienation to anyone who'll pretend to
Listen.

A poster asked you Where in the OP's post does it say the kid has norovirus? .. as OP has never said this … your reply Read the update, was a bit rude given the fact that the poster had read the update, something you also did, but then just made your own stuff up … 🤷‍♀️ You then continue with If it's not noro- it's something. She's ill. … I think we all agree the child is ill, but saying she has norovirus is is just plain silly when you know nothing of the sort.

As for your Stephen comment, that’s laughable … I think you’re the fruit loop, where exactly have I mentioned parental alienation?? 🙄

1HappyTraveller · 17/08/2022 10:47

late to the discussion with this one… YANBU

DD could get worse

Holiday insurance - DD may not be covered abroad if she knowingly went away unwell.

Infection control - you don’t know what it is. It’s unfair for other travellers.

Those saying YABU are being short-sighted.

TiredFrogs · 17/08/2022 10:53

Did she go on holiday? I also get what you are saying about her being ill, kids do bounce back quickly. How is she in herself?

Fireflybaby · 17/08/2022 10:57

My brother in law delayed his flight from London to Bermuda for 3 days because his daughter got a ear infection. She was seen by our local GP and flights got rebooked. If they have travel insurance, they can re-book for a later date. Please take child to GP to get a sickness certificate and ask your partner to speak to the airlines to change the dates. The holiday doesn't need to be ruined, just delayed a bit to make sure toddler is feeling better.

1HappyTraveller · 17/08/2022 11:03

rainbowmilk · 15/08/2022 12:13

I think it’s so selfish of parents that do this. My sister’s honeymoon was ruined by a bout of noro from the small child on the plane behind her (her DH heard the vomiting which was explained to cabin crew as travel sickness but then once they’d gone the parents would start discussing whether or not the child could go in the pool with noro). No doubt someone will pop up and ask why my sis was more deserving of a nice holiday than the parents, but I just think knowingly exposing a plane full of people to whatever bug your child has is vile behaviour.

Agree 100%!!!

Lyns18 · 17/08/2022 11:06

No way I would have either of my children going away on holiday when unwell. One of mine has a history of febrile convulsions and I get extremely anxious about fevers so I may not have the same approach as others.

1HappyTraveller · 17/08/2022 11:08

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 09:00

In these situations you don’t really get a lot of say it’s his time with the child you have to give him his child and let him make a decision as to whether he takes it on holiday or not.
but you don’t get to reduce contact because the child is not well.

what a crock of horse sh!t

seriously are you even a parent?

vroom321 · 17/08/2022 11:10

There are so absolute NOB heads in here. It's a stressful situation, her dd is/was ill and she had to make a fast decision. My god!!!

1HappyTraveller · 17/08/2022 11:10

Festoonlights · 15/08/2022 13:30

Yes he can stay at home and look after her instead of going on holiday agreed. What he can’t do is insist she flies because it suits him and his plans, and not put the needs of his child first.

The guidance given by medical professionals is that she much stay at home for 48 hours. So he is very welcome and should be doing what all parents should be doing which is cancelling the whole holiday and looking after a sick toddler at home. Op is being very generous to offer to
help.
The decision is based on the needs of the child, and as she is way too young to advocate for herself, of course her mother must do it if the stupid man can’t comprehend the basics of parenting and caring for a very young child who is ill and he doesn’t seem to understand or wish to abide by the simple rules and restrictions of aviation and travel.

Show quote history

@Festoonlights

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

oakleaffy · 17/08/2022 11:35

Thatsmoneyhoney · 15/08/2022 05:38

If it was my child I wouldn't send them away unwell. Also... If it's a tummy bug the rest of them would catch it within a day or two and the trip would be ruined anyways.

Sounds like possible Norovirus type thing that is doing rounds at moment
a sick child on a plane will infect others in that environment.
A tricky one.
It will likely spread to the people taking her too.

IrishladyNE · 17/08/2022 11:35

I am quite new here and the amount of people that come for support but never return due to the abuse they get is staggering. It’s only a handful of posters they’re vile to everyone and always turn it around on OP. We see you! Miserable twats

Motherofalegend · 17/08/2022 11:41

my kids covid symptoms started this way. I’d suggest doing a covid test.