Husband had a private lapdance

[Skye90]

On a stag do. Says he was so drunk he hardly remembers it. He wasn’t the only one but all the others are single.

Not sure how I feel about it tbh.

AIBU

Depends! did he ask and pay for it or did his friends get drunk and out of hand and decide to buy one for him while he protested?

Is your point out school age daughter could still turn to sex work? That’s a bit sick no? Thankfully we are all off enough she’ll be funded

Of course not. No, I'm not suggesting that at all. Just that, at 19, you really don't know what they'll eventually end up doing. Being a 'surgeon' is really specific, and will take many years of study and commitment. My daughter wanted to be a barrister and passed all the exams, got a pupillage in a local Chambers.
And then suddenly changed her mind. She has an MSc in Maths and she suddenly felt that she wasn't using all her brain. Law was just reading up stuff from the past. Just a lot of reading.

My point is that your teenage daughter has said she wants to be a surgeon.
All power to her elbow. Great. Support her all the way. But bear in mind that she might end up being something else.

I wouldn't be jealous, couldn't care less. But I would not have any respect for anyone who pays money to sextrafficking gangmasters. And I think anyone who has a stag or hen night in 2022 must he a bit dim, it's an outdated, misogynistic ritual. Gross people.

I find the excuses to be more annoying then the actually lap dance. He must have known it would upset you. And then he discounts your feelings by trying to minimize it by saying he was drunk, doesn’t remember, everyone else was doing it! Sounds like something a teenage boy would say.

Some couples are comfortable with that kind of thing and in that situation it’s not a problem. But you’re clearly not that kind of couple. So his reasonings are lame.

No, it would show they are not prepared to put up with their crap for a second longer than necessary.

How about the man obviously didn't care enough about their partner, to have proactively put their hand in their wallet and pay for a random lap dancer to grind up against them.

oh yes sorry I forgot, he was drunk and couldn't help himself. Diddums.

I wouldn't leave an otherwise good relationship for this, on its own, but I'd be very upset, and I'd want to see that he took it seriously and understood why it bothered me. I'd also prefer he not go anywhere there would be strippers, again.

Thinking about my husband getting a lap dance makes me laugh. He’d turn 50 shades of red & be uncomfortable the entire time.

I’m sure the dancer was professional — she probably has done this hundreds of times.
Then left.
Go easy on your DH - he was at a stag do & it was extraordinary circumstances.
Unless you don’t trust him.

So drunk he hardly remembers it, yet presumably not too drunk to pay! Yeah right 🤨

Why? Genuinely, why would anyone be envious of a woman being with a man who pays for a sleazy sexual activity in a sleazy setting? They really aren't. 😂

If DP told you he got drunk and Barbara across the road had given a private lap dance for free would you be okay with that? If no, why does Barbara giving that same lap dance for a fee at the club on Fridays suddenly become permissible?

To me the first instance is cheating. The second instance is cheating with the bonus of paying for a woman like a commodity.

Not being cool with your husband being a punter has nothing to do with being insecure.

Very well put.

No, there is not a "world of difference" between them. Both involve scum who think they have a right to buy a woman 's body for sexual gratification.

@StreetwiseHercules

Well said on the below:

I think it is awful how much the site encourages, promotes and provokes the break up of families, often on the flimsiest of rationales. Every day, people here are advocating the end of living relationships without a thought for the heartbreak involved not just of those involved but of their children.

I wouldn't be upset about it. You don't need to like it but I wouldn't destroy my marriage over it.

I'm no prude but this is a really strange thing to say. 'Obliged not to rock the boat'? He still has bodily autonomy and could at any point have decided to go home/ not participate in this part of the evening. He's a grown man, not 'obliged' to do anything at all. If he's still so influenced by peer pressure at his age then he needs to take a look at himself.

OP, I'd be very upset if we hadn't discussed it beforehand.

Honestly I wouldn’t care. I have worked almost solely with men for more than 20 years and the vast majority of them do this shit, and much worse, despite what they tell their wives!! When they are telling their stories (yes they brag about it too) I find great entertainment in asking them what they think the dancer thought of them?? Invariably this is met my a blank look, because it hasn’t occurred to them. I point out that the glamorous young dancer is highly unlikely to have been looking at the old, fat, sweaty pissed idiot thinking “oh I’d like to get it on with you”. They are just another sad Wanker who has paid for a closer look at her tits and the primary feeling is a bit of contempt, mixed with a lot of boredom and a desire to just get through it, along with a “ Christ I hope he doesn’t try to touch me”…. (I knew a few dancers) That always wipes the smile off their face!!!! It’s sad and pathetic but not a LTB for me.

I agree.
It's cheating.

That’s absolutely not true, the club where I live they are 100% fully naked.