Husband had a private lapdance

[Skye90]

On a stag do. Says he was so drunk he hardly remembers it. He wasn’t the only one but all the others are single.

Not sure how I feel about it tbh.

AIBU

I know there will be posters who will be outraged, but for me, I wouldn’t like it, but I wouldn’t let it damage the relationship. I can see how easy it would be for a woman to find herself in a similar position at a Hen do. Drink flowing and a male stripper. He told you about it and said it would never happen again. He obviously regrets it (unless there is someone else who might have let the cat out if the bag). Life is too short. It’s not an affair, or kissing of another woman. My advice, it was a sex act at a Stag do, let it go and put him and yourself out of your misery.

@Pumperthepumper stuck at a mid level position below their potential because they don’t get the kind of ‘bonding’ or ‘networking‘ that goes on in the boys club.

Calling people "cool wives" because they don't agree with you, is a little odd.

I would be far more upset, angry, jealous and disgusted if my partner kissed Linda from the accounts department than had a lap dance.

The stripper doesn't cause me a problem. There's zero emotional attachment or feelings. It's a once off. I can't get bothered about it, I just don't care. However, imo if there's actual cheating with Linda or whoever, that's entirely different. Everyone has their own boundaries.

Male strip clubs are all a bit of a laugh for those women though aren’t they? I doubt they are actually turned on by it. I wouldn’t be

I went to a one of these on a hen night as mother of friend of the bride.
It was a well known act.
It was not a sexual experience. It was a bawdy laugh. Not one woman in the audience was in it for anything else but a wicked cackle at the tackle.
It was comedy central. When the dicks got whipped out, they all fell about laughing. Why would the strippers care though? They get their money and the audience get to fall about laughing. More than Ricky Gervais could ever hope for.

Let’s reverse it OP. You’re at a hen do and there is a chippendale type dancer/stripper, you’re drunk along with all your friends. Would you 100% never get involved with getting a bit of a dance or licking some cream off him or whatever it is they do? If DH found out, what would you hope his response would be?

I know it’s not quite the same, but just a thought.

Of course it's cheating. It would make my skin crawl to be near him.

The point is as much as you think you know your kids morals, you don’t! You see what they show you, based on what they think you will accept/tolerate.
My friends parents have no idea how she made so much money, as far as they know she worked in a bar on a weekend and made a lot of tips, a few details obviously missing.

I wouldn’t accept DP paying for a private dance but I wouldn’t be as concerned about him going to a strip club in general for a stag party.

Not in a million years.

It's the objectification of another woman's body and the commercialisation of sex which I find disgusting and abhorrent. Of course it's cheating. I don't know how anyone can't see that.

It's so weird how so many women think it's totally normal to be i a relationship with a man who commoditises women. Honestly couldn't be with anyone who thought buying and selling women is acceptable

Me too. Tacky and slightly sad but not a flogging offence. Anyway, I've been to hen nights where they've hired a male stripper and he's been waving his "package" in the soon-to-be bride's face.

🤷🏼‍♀️ Couldn’t get worked up about it.

Husbands, partners, boyfriends, specifically and especially men, are viewed as lesser humans by many on this site. Disposable, to be thrown away in disgust the moment they do not meet the standards imposed upon them, often in retrospect, by the saintly posters who have never made a mistake or done anything questionable in their lives.

I think it is awful how much the site encourages, promotes and provokes the break up of families, often on the flimsiest of rationales. Every day, people here are advocating the end of living relationships without a thought for the heartbreak involved not just of those involved but of their children.

They present themselves are moral, whereas those who propose calmness and reason are portrayed as simpering, “cool wives” etc.

There are hundreds of posters here who feed on drama and feast on rage. I honestly wonder what makes them like this.

Not all stag and hen dos do. I went for a dinner and then went to see an ABBA musical. Didn't get drunk. Didn't feel hangover the next day. Didn't have anything I regretted. I was 29 on my hen do so hardly an old lady. Different people have different preferences for their stag and hen dos

Quite, I didn't have any sort of hen do. I bucked the trend and declined all offers. I just didn't want one. But if you're on somebody else's hen do, you are more or less in thrall to their plans. This is sometimes not about your own stag/hen.
It's what happens when you go to somebody else's.

This is a big no for me and I made this clear to my DH early on, although I know some women would be ok with it.

YANBU in my opinion.

@LoisLane66 They’re certainly completely naked in London clubs. If not on the pole, then during a private dance.

I’ve been in many, worked in one and was in Stringfellows not that long ago.

Men who go to prostitutes or lap dancers are the ones who view women as lesser. They divide women into the type of women they would marry and the lesser type who can be used for commercial sex. I would not want that sort of man anywhere near my children.

There is a world of difference between lap dancing and prostitution. But you know that.

Adult entertainment is legitimate, for adults. For men, for women, for all consenting parties.

You might not like it, but it doesn’t make it wrong for adults to have adult interests and for things to get a bit carried away on a stag or hen do!

Well I would hope that men would see buying a lapdance as being all kinds of wrong. We do all know that those women aren't there for the love of the job?

So although I haven't explicitly said my DP shouldnt pay for a lapdance, I expect that he might think about it and say no, I wont do this to a woman, any woman.

Let’s reverse it OP. You’re at a hen do and there is a chippendale type dancer/stripper, you’re drunk along with all your friends. Would you 100% never get involved with getting a bit of a dance or licking some cream off him or whatever it is they do?

Or a bit of dry humping/grinding on his erect penis? That's the equivalent really isn't it? The purpose of a lapdance is arousal, not having a laugh like male strippers often are.

Dont read the threads?
I've never had a lapdance, so no I'm no saint but I dont treat women like that.

You do know that women are often treated as disposable by men? It's not a one way street. You go tell the men off and see where that gets you.

Oh get in the bin. The desperation to sexualise children is a bit sick.

But it’s the “commoditisation” of mens bodies. That’s always bad right, no room for interpretation.

Man has lap dance - says ”I was very drunk” - don’t listen that, it’s an excuuuuuse!!!!

Woman has cock waved in face at male strip show while shrieking - says ”its just for a laugh” - yes yes, of course, that’s fine then.