Husband had a private lapdance

[Skye90]

On a stag do. Says he was so drunk he hardly remembers it. He wasn’t the only one but all the others are single.

Not sure how I feel about it tbh.

AIBU

So did any of the men in your university also do this?

Green eyed monster about what?

Nope no research linked there. Not a single publication from a peer reviewed journal.

What’s the point of this? If it’s to convince me lapdancing is bad and there is risk of exploitation, I’ve already said that from post 1. This isn’t going to convince me it is as bad as prostitution or that the advice to break up a family over a one off drunken lap dance is a proportionate response.

Not this blanket exploitation argument again. There are plenty of women who see it as easy money. Good for them. Not only that, exploitation is the last thing a bloke would be thinking about in cases where he is looking to get aroused.

It’s because you denied that women are sex trafficked into pole dancing. They are, and to pretend otherwise is grim.

Got a lot of armchair experts here shouting down those with actual lived experience. Talk about silencing women…it’s happening right here on this thread.

I did no such thing. You are twisting my words.

You literally said it here. Here’s a peer reviewed study for you:

link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12117-021-09431-0

The naivety about general exploitation really is unreal on MN. All the armchair theorists come out with the feminist arguments but I ask how many of you have actually worked in the sex industry?

My partner did this, and I was very upset. We had some big discussions. He realised how shit it had made me feel and was full of regret. I’m pretty laid back, and I think he thought I would be cool with it because I had no problems with him going to a strip club. Now we are both clear where the line is. We got over it and are happy.

I note your on another thread @Discovereads, where you feel it was wrong for someone to deface a topless photo of a 16 year old, because it wasn't their property.

You like to ensure men get all their sexual kicks from women being abused, you need to question your reasons for this.

Do you have trouble in relationships?

@Discovereads "This isn’t going to convince me it is as bad as prostitution or that the advice to break up a family over a one off drunken lap dance is a proportionate response."

And how do we or the OP know it's a "one-off" ???

@oiltrader has.

That is one. Any more?

That’s pretty grim.

How many do you need?

It would be a deal breaker for me, no hesitation. There will always be a lot of people trying to convince you that this stuff is normal, just a bit of fun, everyone does it, you're overreacting, you're being hysterical or controlling or boring or jealous or blah blah blah blah. Ignore them and their issues. It feels wrong for a reason and you're perfectly within your rights to be upset. Whatever depressing strangers on the internet say, it's ok to have standards in a relationship, and plenty of men out there will reach those standards. What you do next is entirely up to you, good luck x

Well you are only interested in regurgitating empirical evidence, based on specific studies. That's all well and good but why is it every time a thread like this comes along, it is hijacked by those who derail the OP's advice? It always turns into a debate about exploitation, whilst totally ignoring those, in the profession, who have the sense to see that sex sells. On their terms, nobody else's.

Because per an OP update he instantly regretted it and promised it would not happen again.

How do they get it on their terms and no-one else’s?

Those who choose to sell their bodies for money, decide. Why are you assuming this particular pole dancer was exploited?

They don’t though - they have to pay for a slot and fill it with dances to get paid. Have you ever worked in the sex industry?

Have you, because you seem to know it all.

Thank you. Said this about 12 pages ago. They don't listen though. They're determined to push their agenda.

Unlike yourself?