Page 20 | Husband had a private lapdance

Skye90 · 2022-08-14T21:07:40+00:00

On a stag do. Says he was so drunk he hardly remembers it. He wasn’t the only one but all the others are single. Not sure how I feel about it tbh. AIBU

lemmein · 15/08/2022 15:03

GriseldaPlum · 15/08/2022 00:37

Male strip clubs are all a bit of a laugh for those women though aren’t they? I doubt they are actually turned on by it. I wouldn’t be

I went to a one of these on a hen night as mother of friend of the bride.
It was a well known act.
It was not a sexual experience. It was a bawdy laugh. Not one woman in the audience was in it for anything else but a wicked cackle at the tackle.
It was comedy central. When the dicks got whipped out, they all fell about laughing. Why would the strippers care though? They get their money and the audience get to fall about laughing. More than Ricky Gervais could ever hope for.

I understand the pp perspective that it seems hypocritical to condemn lap dances but then think women watching male strippers is 'a bit if a laugh', however I used to go to a club when I was a lot younger that had both male and female strippers, the difference in the atmosphere from male to female was really quite stark. When the male strippers were on the women laughed and cheered, they played along with the act - when the female strippers were on the atmosphere became really intense and serious; lone, expressionless men stood around in a circle watching a woman writhing about on the floor...quite intimidating really. Maybe it was to do with how the act was presented? The males typically did a 'comedy' strip routine...so dressed as a headmaster/pilot/whatever - whereas the female routine was just focused on the woman, undressing - I can't explain it but there was a definite difference in the audience reactions.

I'm not sure how I'd feel if DH had a lap-dance. Probably disappointed that he thought it acceptable to purchase a woman, but then, I've been with him forever and know he would've found the whole experience painfully embarrassing so...yeah, not sure. I've done things I'm not particularly proud of in drink, so I'd probably forgive a lapse of judgement in those circumstances once.

As an aside, I don't really understand the mindset of paying someone to be with you when you know they wouldn't look at you twice in any other scenario. I guess men just need to feel desire rather than being desired?I wouldn't want a man dry humping me who thought I looked like the back end of a bus but it doesn't seem to bother men - weird creatures they are!

CounsellorTroi · 15/08/2022 15:12

Maireas · 15/08/2022 12:23

Ok, @winterlilies - what is clear is that you have frequented strip clubs up and down the land. Not one is sleazy. I'll take your word for it, as I've never been to one, not my thing. You do, fine.
Are people inventing stories of exploration and trafficking, then?

Strip clubs are art don't you know.

WinterDeWinter · 15/08/2022 16:05

Discovereads · 15/08/2022 08:08

This is hyperbole. You’re only ‘buying a body’ if you’re having sex with them as in full on prostitution. When it comes to erotic dancing you are buying a dance performance. That’s it.

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It's a continuum. Otherwise they'd all be at the ballet.

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 15/08/2022 16:22

waterlego · 15/08/2022 13:48

Have you ever come across the notion that people like different things?

Chippendale ‘hunks’ do absolutely nothing for me whatsoever. You might be tempted to believe that there is something wrong or odd about me in this, but you’d be completely wrong.

The sort of thing that lights my fire are tall, skinny, geeky men, especially if they’re good at writing poetry or lyrics. They also tend to be the sort of man that wouldn’t go anywhere near a strip club!

And for what it’s worth, I don’t usually wear anything in bed. 😬

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Seriously who doesn't appreciate a well toned masculine muscly hunk?

Well me for one. The men I find attractive are the sort of men who wouldn't go anywhere near a strip club.

knittingaddict · 15/08/2022 16:31

Passedmybedtime · 15/08/2022 13:30

I'm going to be controversial and I really don't care if it offends by going with some of the posts is it any wonder men go to watch lapdancers, you'd think what I'm understand the women commenting go to bed with ankle length sleeved woollen nighties, duvet up to chin and make a pillow fortress. "I won't go to a male strippers, they offend me"

Seriously who doesn't appreciate a well toned masculine muscly hunk?
Men who see lapdancers appreciate a well toned womans body.
To me there's no difference.

🙄

speakout · 15/08/2022 16:43

"Seriously who doesn't appreciate a well toned masculine muscly hunk?"

Watching some greased up chippendale gyrating about would do nothing for me. I would find such a man deeply unnattractive.

waterlego · 15/08/2022 17:10

See @Passedmybedtime? Not all women are into Magic Mike or firefighter calendars!

No offence to those chaps but that look leaves me completely cold. Doesn’t even register a tiny flicker on the lustometer.

Pumperthepumper · 15/08/2022 17:12

chaosmaker · 15/08/2022 14:43

I'm a carer, not a job I'd do unless I got paid for it.

The point made was that they aren't seeking to do anything with someone's partner/husband beyond dance for them.

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Surely that’s worse though? And do you really see no difference between your job and taking all of your clothes off in front of drunk men who couldn’t give a shit if you lived or died?

Fairislefandango · 15/08/2022 17:18

I'm going to be controversial and I really don't care if it offends by going with some of the posts is it any wonder men go to watch lapdancers, you'd think what I'm understand the women commenting go to bed with ankle length sleeved woollen nighties, duvet up to chin and make a pillow fortress. "I won't go to a male strippers, they offend me"

Seriously who doesn't appreciate a well toned masculine muscly hunk?
Men who see lapdancers appreciate a well toned womans body.
To me there's no difference.

I'm not sure which is dafter - your absurd assumptions about the personal sex lives of people who are intelligent enough not to support the exploitative sex industry, or your frankly weird impression that all women like cartoonish, oiled-up muscle-bound 'hunks'. The sight of a male stripper would make me either laugh or feel a bit queasy, I think. Possibly both.

DaughterofDawn · 15/08/2022 17:28

Fairislefandango · 15/08/2022 17:18

I'm going to be controversial and I really don't care if it offends by going with some of the posts is it any wonder men go to watch lapdancers, you'd think what I'm understand the women commenting go to bed with ankle length sleeved woollen nighties, duvet up to chin and make a pillow fortress. "I won't go to a male strippers, they offend me"

Seriously who doesn't appreciate a well toned masculine muscly hunk?
Men who see lapdancers appreciate a well toned womans body.
To me there's no difference.

I'm not sure which is dafter - your absurd assumptions about the personal sex lives of people who are intelligent enough not to support the exploitative sex industry, or your frankly weird impression that all women like cartoonish, oiled-up muscle-bound 'hunks'. The sight of a male stripper would make me either laugh or feel a bit queasy, I think. Possibly both.

I never personally liked the stereotypically “sexy” men. When I see a built man I usually have one of two thoughts in my head. Wife beater on steroids or “he spends 90 percent of his time in the gym. He’s lol never have time for me.” 😂

WinterDeWinter · 15/08/2022 17:29

Male strippers are funny, not arousing. They're funny precisely because they're an 'allowed' reversal of the power structure (like lots of comedy). The men are entertainers - they are not part of the sex industry.

Stripping/lapdancing is not played our in a vacuum - it exists in relation to, and exploits, the power relations of the world we actually live in.

To call them equivalent is an attempt to deny that those power relations exist - in other words, to shill for the patriarchy.

oiltrader · 15/08/2022 17:35

its harmless. part of a long standing tradition

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 15/08/2022 17:39

Passedmybedtime · 15/08/2022 13:30

I'm going to be controversial and I really don't care if it offends by going with some of the posts is it any wonder men go to watch lapdancers, you'd think what I'm understand the women commenting go to bed with ankle length sleeved woollen nighties, duvet up to chin and make a pillow fortress. "I won't go to a male strippers, they offend me"

Seriously who doesn't appreciate a well toned masculine muscly hunk?
Men who see lapdancers appreciate a well toned womans body.
To me there's no difference.

So if women are happy for men to go, they go!

If women are unhappy for me to go, they go, because their wives deserve them to go because their lacking in the bed room,

So men go, end of conversation?

You've made yourself look very silly, very amusing though.

FYI I don't go to and never have been to see a male strip show. Your partners may be unable to sexually please you, that's a problem for you not everyone!

After all you're saying the men who go are going are because their not sexually satisfied, so I presume your in the same boat! Never mind, try and get someone that satisfies you?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 15/08/2022 17:43

oiltrader · 15/08/2022 17:35

its harmless. part of a long standing tradition

A long standing tradition......

Like women doing all the domestic work, like women giving up their careers, like women being virgins when they married, like performing animals in circuses.

You may not realise that it's 2022 and things change, thank god!

Pumperthepumper · 15/08/2022 17:44

It’s also not harmless, it causes a great deal of harm.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 15/08/2022 17:47

oiltrader · 15/08/2022 17:35

its harmless. part of a long standing tradition

and who is it not harmless to? The partner at home that is upset, the women that's being objectified and leered over?

The only one it's not harmless to is the pervert getting a sexual thrill out of watching it.

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2022 17:48

Light that touch paper and let it burn!!!!

Nice one OP!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 15/08/2022 17:53

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2022 17:48

Light that touch paper and let it burn!!!!

Nice one OP!

Actually OP is a long standing poster.

oiltrader · 15/08/2022 18:23

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL · 15/08/2022 17:47

and who is it not harmless to? The partner at home that is upset, the women that's being objectified and leered over?

The only one it's not harmless to is the pervert getting a sexual thrill out of watching it.

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its a tail as old as time. stop being OTT.

its harmless fun and a way for people to fund university since free education ended

WinterDeWinter · 15/08/2022 18:29

its harmless fun and a way for people to fund university since free education ended @oiltrader

That's the narrative of misogynists who refuse to see the damage, yup. The rest of us see that being meat is suboptimal.

oiltrader · 15/08/2022 18:31

WinterDeWinter · 15/08/2022 18:29

its harmless fun and a way for people to fund university since free education ended @oiltrader

That's the narrative of misogynists who refuse to see the damage, yup. The rest of us see that being meat is suboptimal.

it helped me through uni. no harm was done! friends for life made

WinterDeWinter · 15/08/2022 18:32

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HRTQueen · 15/08/2022 18:32

Well women have always been exploited for men’s pleasure so why change

it keeps men happy so what is there to argue against 🙄

Pumperthepumper · 15/08/2022 18:32

oiltrader · 15/08/2022 18:31

it helped me through uni. no harm was done! friends for life made

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What was the worst thing you had to do while you were working?

oiltrader · 15/08/2022 18:35

Pumperthepumper · 15/08/2022 18:32

What was the worst thing you had to do while you were working?

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a daytime shift. the place was dead. ended up down cash that day with travel and the fees