Husband had a private lapdance

[Skye90]

On a stag do. Says he was so drunk he hardly remembers it. He wasn’t the only one but all the others are single.

Not sure how I feel about it tbh.

AIBU

Oh yes, we are all very good mind readers aren’t we? We always know if a mate is going to have a stripper at a future hen or stag do or if a mates mate is going to get a surprise one that pops up. So silly of me to forget that we know who’s a scumbag. Amazing all those women in abusive relationships though? Why aren’t they mind reading to avoid the wife beaters?

Oh stop pretending we're talking about wife beaters. No of course you can't always tell which men are going to turn out to be abusive arseholes. And there are unfortunately many reasons beyond some women’s full control for why they end up with awful men.

However, you can tell plenty about a man from the kind of men he's friends with, and if you know him at all well, you can make a pretty good guess at how easily led he will be. It's not as if most men are a closed book when you marry them. But the MN relationships board is full of women talking about the red flags they missed or ignored, or the behaviour they disliked but tolerated, even in the early stages of the relationship. I'm pretty sure they vastly outnumber the 'completely changed his personality after I'd married him' ones.

I wouldn't be OK with this. Imagining my husband with some girl giving him lap dance. No way I would stay calm. And obviously damn alcohol. Too drunk to remember. I hate this evil thing.

I’m one of the glad to now be singles but I agree that on MN marriage and men seem very disposable. Domestic violence and any other scenario where the spouse and children live in fear are obvious deal breakers but the amount of women on here ready to break up their families because their husband had one lap dance at a stag do is over dramatic. If it was a habit then that would be an issue but if it’s a silly thoughtless one off then I personally don’t think that merits sitting your children down and telling them their parents are splitting up and divorcing.

Well yeah that is what was said.

A Pp said she told men they were gross and perverts if they use strippers. Which they are. You claimed that was verbal abuse. Where’s the twisting????

Quite well, thank you.
I don't think the woman who does so is evil, I don't think that her laissez-faire attitude towards using trafficked workers is necessarily defining of her overall character. But it is an immoral action. And- in this case- an easily avoidable one.

Nope, would be the end for me… but everyone’s different. You are not being unreasonable to be annoyed at all though.

The poster wasn't actually referring to a husband, but if any man chooses to behave in this way he deserves to hear the truth about his reprehensible behaviour.

Isn't it just - and so depressing that so many women are not only happy with such a low bar but are actively arguing for it.

Case of the very low self esteem in your case. Also "methinks" is the word of a twit

The mocking started with the women who were not ok with the cool wives slur being deployed within the first page of the thread. Oh, and it was the women not ok with it who then said the women ok with this are “the insecure ones”.

So, go back to the start. Your lot started the mocking and name calling.

One is someone's choice to be more open to various sexual experiences and is totally fine

One is someone's choice to play along with the idea that other women's bodies are available for hire for cheap, sexual gratification. And that is totally not fine.

"it's just some body parts"
oh dear god
that's what some women are reduced to.....

Exactly you cannot tell. The poster I responded to was arguing this and saying you can always tell in advance because there’s always a “bouquet of red flags” that “women choose to ignore”.

Oh ho, so now I’m a doormat because this is a minor thing to me? Niiiiice.

He was sober enough to choose a woman, talk to her, agree to a private dance and pay the correct amount, OP. He’s a cheating bastard.

He didn’t pay for her body. He paid for a dance. A performance. Tired of this being conflated with going to a brothel for a slap and tickle.

Yeah right, sure he did.

No low self esteem in me, thank you! All this thinly-veiled faux outrage on "morals" is very transparent 😉

Transparent? What is it that you think you're seeing through it?

He wouldn’t have coughed up if she was in her winter woollies, would he? He paid to go somewhere private with her and have her rub her naked body on him.

@winterlilies

I will add that, between 12 years in the naval police and several working in the organised crime division of the CPS, I have quite a lot of experience with the effects of human trafficking. The people I know who've worked in similar roles also have quite a low tolerance for the sort of "human mistakes" which involves knowingly turning a blind eye to exploited, trafficked and otherwise vulnerable people.

As convenient as it might be for you to pretend that me disagreeing with you is a result of me being unusually sheltered or not living in the real world, there is just a significant amount of "real world" greed, selfishness and wilful ignorance that I've no inclination to make excuses for.

So? He’s paying for a dance. He’s not paying for her body.

It doesn't even matter if there was physical contact. The whole point is to buy a woman for sexual gratification. It's all part of the "sex industry".