did my guests abuse my hospitality or is this how friends behave?

[aroundtheblock]

Offered my spare room (my office) to a couple I don't know that well who are in Edinburgh to see fringe shows. They are out drinking and seeing shows all day and most of the night and didn't pay for me to attend any shows with them or take me out for dinner or even bring me a bottle of wine. I get that they are here to network but they both have jobs and I saved them over £500 in accommodation costs. Last night they polished off a bottle of really good gin when they came in pissed. I feel they are treating my place like an airbnb and not treating me like a friend. I just asked them to replace the alcohol they drank because I don't see why I should subsidise them. I can tell by their body language that they are deeply insulted that I asked them to do this. AITA for expecting a gift and telling them to replace expensive booze?

Quite possible.
Over the years I've met personally and heard of self-proclaimed "artistic geniuses" (or should I say "who self-identify as artistic geniuses"?) whose self-entitlement was simply astonishing - they basically treated all people "in boring mundane jobs" as if they owed them a living.

Kick 'em out. Let them try and find somewhere else. (Unless they've gone already.) These are piss takers. Selfish sods.

Cheeky fuckers. Are they quite young?

We've had friends up for the fringe before. They took us out for a couple of meals, brought in wine etc for the odd nights they were staying in. So we all enjoyed it. They are taking the piss

Well at least they haven’t moved in permanently.

@aroundtheblock
the ‘replacement’ will be sub par Gin I can almost guarantee that

Why not rock up to their place with a friend and return the favour!

I'm sure they will look after you very well, ahem.

Ok. You are not being unreasonable to expect them to treat you to a meal or buy you flowers or something nice as a 'Thank You'. But as I read it they are still staying with you, so you can't be sure they weren't going to do something like that at the end of their stay - although now you've complained (quite rightly) about the gin, it probably won't happen now, even if that was their intention. Depends how you asked them to replace it when you spoke to them I guess

While I completely understand that you feel you are being used, I don't think it is entirely reasonable to expect them to pay for you to attend shows (plural) with them or several dinners. You offered them the place for free and you knew they were coming to Edinburgh to see lots of shows at the fringe so it might have been expected that they would be out a lot and enjoying a holiday while in Edinburgh

They may be CF's - or there may just have been a lack of communication, when expectations on both sides were different as to how this would work. All I can suggest is that in future, there are clear discussions as to what you and any guests expect out of any arrangement you come to before any future similar guests come to stay. Are you feeding them things like breakfast or are they paying for all their own food etc for example?

Absolutely OK to ask them to replace the Gin with the exact same make though as that WAS cheeky of them

This

I’d be telling them that they’re taking the pods and that they can leave

*taking the piss

No idea how autocorrect managed to change it to pods 🤣

I stayed with my own parents who live an hour from Edinburgh this last week to see some shows. We took them for a couple of meals and split the cost of food for the week, that's my own parents! With a friend I'd definitely be doing something. Awful.

I think they could of got you a bottle of gin or wine or something to say thank you but I don’t see why they have to invite you to a show with them.

They should also replace what they drank although I’d never ask guest to replace booze they drank at mine as they are guests and you would normally get some form of drink in for them.

or at least I would.

Dude. Just say the carbon monoxide detector has pinged so they’ll have to find somewhere else, sorry goodbye.

I could understand it a bit (not polite but not rude necessarily) until the bit where they drank your gin! They are unreasonable. They are guests they shouldn't just help themselves!

The gift comes at the end doesn't it? I always give it at the end anyway.

You can't really cover everything in ground rules though. 'Don't drink all my gin' might not occur to me on a list for example.
Guests might do things that might never occur to you to put on a list.

For comparison, we just put our home on Airbnb for three weeks while we were abroad and sounds like they treated it better than your guests - all three groups left lovely thank you notes, left the place spotless, the last lot left us a bottle of milk in the fridge, and our good gin was untouched! They’re being very rude.

We stopped letting a friend stay with us when we lived in London when she used to visit for various group things because we just felt like she was using us as she never once even bought us a bottle of wine or seemed remotely grateful.

Well, yes, they abused your hospitality. I would suggest being much more discriminating in the future about only hosting people whom you know and trust.

We've done many a fringe and stay with close family members in Edinburgh. We pull our weight and do not expect them to ferry us about. We take the bus into the centre which takes about 40 minutes and schedule accordingly!

You don’t know them that well yet you complain they don’t treat you like a friend 🫤
You offered them your spare room, and expect them to take you out to shows? 🫤
I think you both have completely different ideas of what this arrangement meant. They’ve accepted your offer of a room 🤷‍♀️

Utterly rude and disrespectful..!!!

cheeku fuvks i take family out for a meal when im staying with them and bring them something

I think they should have bought you a gift, yes, as a thank you, but they may be going to do this as they leave as opposed to on arrival

i do think it’s unreasonable to expect them to pay to take you to shows with them or out to dinner.

I would suggest you show them your post and the replies and the fact that only 5% of mumsnet think you are being unreasonable...(I would like the names of these 5% so I can go and stay with them, drink them out of house and home and freeload as they clearly think its ok to do that). Once they have read it I would ask them what exactly their thoughts are regarding the fact you saved them hundreds of pounds and have not only not given you a thankyou gift but helped themselves to your expensive Gin....and would they appreciate you doing the same to them. If nothing else it will make you feel better"!