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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

did my guests abuse my hospitality or is this how friends behave?

161 replies

aroundtheblock · 14/08/2022 20:29

Offered my spare room (my office) to a couple I don't know that well who are in Edinburgh to see fringe shows. They are out drinking and seeing shows all day and most of the night and didn't pay for me to attend any shows with them or take me out for dinner or even bring me a bottle of wine. I get that they are here to network but they both have jobs and I saved them over £500 in accommodation costs. Last night they polished off a bottle of really good gin when they came in pissed. I feel they are treating my place like an airbnb and not treating me like a friend. I just asked them to replace the alcohol they drank because I don't see why I should subsidise them. I can tell by their body language that they are deeply insulted that I asked them to do this. AITA for expecting a gift and telling them to replace expensive booze?

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 14/08/2022 22:14

SunnySwirl
"Sorry , we don't have room." - as suggested upthread.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 14/08/2022 22:23

They should have arrived with a gift for you and should replace the gin without even having to ask. Also should have brought you out for a meal/drinks as a way of saying thank you or at least brought you out to see a show or something. I would not be offering my room to those people or anyone again unless are really good friends, seems like they took advantage and they are tight and selfish.

HenBob · 14/08/2022 22:29

CFs. Well done you for standing up for yourself. Honestly cannot believe the cheek of some people.

Brigante9 · 14/08/2022 22:30

But they aren’t friends. They’re acquaintances. Had you even met them before they came to stay?

Talipesmum · 14/08/2022 22:33

SunnyD44 · 14/08/2022 21:12

YABU to expect them to invite you to the shows or buy you a ticket.

YANBU to be annoyed they drank your alcohol and expect them to replace it.

It sounds like you invited them to stay yours so you’d be invited along which you should have been open about.

If someone has a weekend planned and someone offers accommodation it usually does mean just accommodation.

This.

WGACA · 14/08/2022 22:35

Take great pleasure next year saying no when they ask to stay again. I’m sorry they abused your hospitality.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 14/08/2022 22:38

So , they're not good friends.
Why let them stay? Is it just because they're 'creatives?'
What does that actually mean?

Anyway, you failed to set boundaries and/or rules.
'Creatives' will think that you're being overflowing with creativeness and will regard your drinks cupboard as fair game! Because you're 'creative' and don't follow rules means that you are Earth people.
You are bohemian types, as are they.
Live and let live!
What's your problem babe?
Hang loose daddy-oh!

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 14/08/2022 22:39

I've been staying at the home of an old friend while she's away. She told me to drink whatever wine I liked but to please replace it. So this seems very reasonable to me - your guests shouldn't be put out. In fact they shouldn't needed telling. I'm also buying tea, toilet rolls, etc etc, getting a gift for her and doing a thorough clean so that I'm not inconveniencing her in any way, and she'll invite me back!

CactusBlossom · 14/08/2022 22:49

I was under the impression that people paid to stay in an AirBnB - so they are not treating your place like that! What a cheek they have!

Nanalisa60 · 14/08/2022 22:50

I stayed at our friends with my dh last weekend in Edinburg for the fringe , I booked and paid for a big show I really wanted to see for all four of us , then we bought Sunday lunch at a nice restaurant for us all and I took wine beer and snacks to there flat every thing else we just paid 50/50 , I really appreciate them letting us come and stay for the festival, it really does save us a lot of money. We had a great weekend we arrived Friday evening and left Sunday evening , we really had a ball, as we do every year we go. I would hate to feel that they feel we had taken advantage of them.

Watzzap · 14/08/2022 22:55

I agree with PPs, I would tell these CF’s to pack and leave tomorrow. Tell them to find somewhere more suitable and expensive for them to stay for the rest of their trip. Tough if everywhere is booked up, they should have been more grateful guests!

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2022 22:56

Yabu

But only because these are people you hardly know and yet you want them to treat you like a friend and pay for you to go to shows.

If you want renumeration for your hospitality, you charge, lay down ground rules etc.

Yes they should have offered to pay you or at least showed their appreciation with a thank you gift, def NOT drinking your alcohol and getting huffy about replacing it

But you've allowed them to treat you like this

Germolenequeen · 14/08/2022 23:05

Cheeky feckers - like a pp said when they've replaced the good gin tell them to leave and also make their bad behaviour known amongst your "creative circle"
💐

vincettenoir · 14/08/2022 23:08

YANBU they sound annoying. One caveat though - when I have stayed as a guest at other peoples’ homes I have given a gift at the end of my stay. So perhaps they are going to give a gift. Although that obviously doesn’t give them license to drink you dry in the meantime.

breadandwatered · 14/08/2022 23:14

What if a family member urgently needs to stay at yours for the rest of the week to visit a friend of theirs in hospital?

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 14/08/2022 23:16

I think its a shame you didn't set boundaries and expectations when it was all arranged. It all sounds very free spirited, and to expect to be taken along to the shows with a couple you hardly know seems odd. It sounds as though they thought they were just bunking somewhere without any mention of any kind of reimbursement. It would have been polite to at least not drink all of your gin, so I understand you being pissed off about that! I think I would just tell them in the morning you need to cut their visit short with immediate effect, as it isn't working out how you expected, and put this one down to experience. If you've lost money, ie the gin, meals etc then let them know what they owe.

BeBopaLula75 · 14/08/2022 23:18

This is very cheeky. Are they still at yours? Can you make an excuse and say that you need to go out of town? In future, if you're uncomfortable saying a straight out no, when asked, you can always say that you've already invited some family to stay and don't have any room. Good on you for telling them to replace gin, have they done so yet? If not, you can tell them where to buy it.

ihatebojo · 14/08/2022 23:20

Just rude.

We just spent two nights with two different sets of friends, at either end of a family holiday. We bought the first family a bottle of gin, plus chocolates and presents for the kids. Second family got a bottle of champagne, presents for the kids and we all went out for fish and chips.
It's the absolute minimum we could do, although we were only there to see them, not to take advantage of an event.
Don't invite them back, and set boundaries for future guests.

BearGryllsDad · 14/08/2022 23:32

I know a few creative. Yours sound insufferable.

DeclineandFall · 15/08/2022 00:09

Ah, the joy of living in Edinburgh during the festival.
We turned down our cheeky fucker family's request to stay at ours for part of this years festival, precisely because they were cheeky piss taking fuckers the last time we let them stay.
Moaning about buses and taxis is standard. Like Edinburgh starts and finishes within half a mile of the Cowgate.
The best guests are the ones who arrange to go in to see a couple of shows and have a few drinks with you after work. Makes you feel part of it - even if its just 1 or 2 things.
Your guests are creative dicks.

Formerpupil · 15/08/2022 00:16

Classic festival wankers. Sympathies OP, we’re at the half way point now. Hope they’re not around the whole month.

comfyshoes2022 · 15/08/2022 00:53

They’re being bad/obnoxious guests.

However I will say that I often leave the gift for my host in the room I’ve stayed in as a thank you for them to find after I’ve gone, or I will send a nice hamper or other gift to arrive the next day with a thank you card. Perhaps that has been received poorly or is just a cultural difference (I’m not originally from UK) but to me a “thank you” comes afterward as opposed to being something I necessarily show up with. Also, I can often send something nicer that way direct from a store as opposed to having to travel with it. So perhaps there is a small chance that your thank you will come later…? Probably not since these people don’t seem that nice.

vaingina · 15/08/2022 01:10

Give them a bill and ask for it in cash. Ensure you say that normally during EF the room would be £££££, but you are charging them half £££

WinterDeWinter · 15/08/2022 01:27

If you're not up for a confrontation I'd def let your mutuals know after they've gone that they seemed a little gauche in terms of what's usual when an acquaintance is hosting you.

Riverlee · 15/08/2022 07:36

I think you have different expectations on what the weekend would entail.

When you heard they were coming to Edinburgh, and you offered them accomadation, it sounds like you expected to be part of their holiday, going to gigs together etc, whilst they expected just to stay at yours.

Regarding the alcohol, if you said ‘help yourselves to drinks etc,’, they were taking you at the word. However, if they helped themselves to a bottle of gin which wasn’t on public offer, than that’s rude.

They should have brought a ‘thank you’ gift - chocolates, flowers, wine etc, but apart from that, I don’t think they were cf as such.

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