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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

did my guests abuse my hospitality or is this how friends behave?

161 replies

aroundtheblock · 14/08/2022 20:29

Offered my spare room (my office) to a couple I don't know that well who are in Edinburgh to see fringe shows. They are out drinking and seeing shows all day and most of the night and didn't pay for me to attend any shows with them or take me out for dinner or even bring me a bottle of wine. I get that they are here to network but they both have jobs and I saved them over £500 in accommodation costs. Last night they polished off a bottle of really good gin when they came in pissed. I feel they are treating my place like an airbnb and not treating me like a friend. I just asked them to replace the alcohol they drank because I don't see why I should subsidise them. I can tell by their body language that they are deeply insulted that I asked them to do this. AITA for expecting a gift and telling them to replace expensive booze?

OP posts:
SunnyD44 · 14/08/2022 21:12

YABU to expect them to invite you to the shows or buy you a ticket.

YANBU to be annoyed they drank your alcohol and expect them to replace it.

It sounds like you invited them to stay yours so you’d be invited along which you should have been open about.

If someone has a weekend planned and someone offers accommodation it usually does mean just accommodation.

FlissyPaps · 14/08/2022 21:12

The title says friends
But the OP says couple you don’t know “that we’ll”.

It’s rude for people you don’t know well to do that.
But even ruder for friends to do that.

I wouldn’t have expected them to pay for you to see a show. But it’s expected that they treat your home with respect.

Keep on at them until they replace the drink they took. And hopefully this is a learning curve to not let your home out to people you don’t really know.

godmum56 · 14/08/2022 21:17

honestly OP what did youn expect?

bloodyplanes · 14/08/2022 21:20

They are a pair of selfish, sponging pisstakers!! I wouldn't want people like this as friends.

Mrsjayy · 14/08/2022 21:21

Turf them out honestly you don't owe them anything, they are taking the absolute piss,

starfishmummy · 14/08/2022 21:24

Present them with their "bill so far" and say that you'd like cash before they leave.

Moonandstar5 · 14/08/2022 21:29

I think you were a bit naive to expect a lot from them if you don’t know them well. It would be a very different story if it was a good friend of yours but they work, don’t oay for any board, you’ve not set any boundaries so unfortunately they took advantage. It’s horrible but like others have said, if there is a next time, make a contract so everyone knows where they stand. Or at least give them house rules and consequences. And definitely charge them. It may seem harsh but you wouldn’t want to get into this situation. And if they are decent people they will understand and do their part.

Moonandstar5 · 14/08/2022 21:32

And yes don’t feel bad to kick them out now. They’ve shown you no courtesy. You do t know them and don’t owe them. I wouldn’t bother trying to get any money back from people like that. Even if you try they won’t give you.

Moonandstar5 · 14/08/2022 21:35

It’s definitely a ‘got my fingers burnt, another lesson learnt’ situation. Sorry for that.

Original poster
aroundtheblock · 14/08/2022 21:38

yes! they complained about having to get cabs because we are not so near the city as they thought, and how long it took to get an uber, so they missed a show! well next time they can pay through the nose to stay in a city centre hotel.

OP posts:
TinySophie · 14/08/2022 21:38

Very cheeky.

I think that you’d be well within your rights to cut short the arrangement.

Original poster
aroundtheblock · 14/08/2022 21:39

i do know them, i meant we are not close friends as I haven't had them to stay before, we are part of a large network of creatives and we have many mutuals, which is why I let them stay, they are not randoms!

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 14/08/2022 21:41

what's unreasonable is that you didn't discuss the ground rules before they showed up.
you needed to set boundaries.

Mrsjayy · 14/08/2022 21:42

They are abusing your hospitality they should have better bloody manners, you must be so annoyed they have let you down.

Selkiesarereal · 14/08/2022 21:44

Hmm, might be worth reminding them that they are not only getting a freebie in Edinburgh but during the festival which is as rare as hen’s teeth!

InquiringMinds · 14/08/2022 21:44

MarmiteCoriander · 14/08/2022 20:34

I'd take it as a lesson learnt NOT to give away your spare room during Fringe to people you don't know and for FREE!!!!

Real friends should of course take you out for a meal, bring a gift etc. These don't sound like close friends though.

Spot on!

Lipsandlashes · 14/08/2022 21:47

They aren’t your friends, they are freeloaders.

RustyShackleford3 · 14/08/2022 21:48

I never let people stay with me unless they are good friends or family. I'm not even a particularly assertive person, but this is so easy to achieve; "sorry, we won't have room". Sorted.

Mrsjayy · 14/08/2022 21:51

aroundtheblock · 14/08/2022 21:38

yes! they complained about having to get cabs because we are not so near the city as they thought, and how long it took to get an uber, so they missed a show! well next time they can pay through the nose to stay in a city centre hotel.

I was at the festival during the week and we had to get cabs between shows, Edinburgh is a big city clearly your visitors thought it would all be within walking distance, I didn't notice how long are they staying?

TaysideTeuchter · 14/08/2022 21:53

aroundtheblock · 14/08/2022 21:38

yes! they complained about having to get cabs because we are not so near the city as they thought, and how long it took to get an uber, so they missed a show! well next time they can pay through the nose to stay in a city centre hotel.

So they didn't bother to use google maps beforehand to check the distance between your place and the fringe venues for the shows they wanted to see? Not your fucking problem OP.

EVHead · 14/08/2022 21:59

Ach well there’s rain forecast tomorrow and Tuesday so let them wander about Edinburgh looking for a replacement bottle of gin while getting soggy. 😈

PersonaNonGarter · 14/08/2022 22:00

TBF, unless we were close I would think offering accommodation meant accommodation only, and did not mean hanging out with my host/guests. But I would think bringing wine and offering to pick up a take away would be pretty standard.

I’ve had guests for the fringe this week and they invited me to everything! (Not expected).

SunnySwirl · 14/08/2022 22:01

That’s so rude!! Guests act in a variety of ways. I’ve hosted regular play dates for school friends and been given flowers, then another time a massive box of lovely chocolates. Totally unneeded, but such a kind gesture.

Then I’ve dog sat for a week… the dog turned out to be doubly incontinent, as well as very badly behaved!! We didn’t even get a thank you gift, never mind any recompense for the damages 🤔

Then we hosted a friend and her DD for 3 weeks!! We bought all the food, cooked and did a fair bit of childcare. Not even a box of maltesers to say thank you. Nothing 🤔

We’ve got different friends who’ve announced they want to come visit us for 2 weeks… with their 3 children 😭 I really can’t be arsed. I need to think of a big excuse!!!

sidheandlight · 14/08/2022 22:11

I know you say they are not randoms, but in truth, if you don't know them that well and yet offered them a place in your house, they are. Having said that they just sound like freeloaders. Hopefully you can get rid soon and rethink the invitations you proffer for your household.

Thefruitbatdancer · 14/08/2022 22:14

If you're going to do this again then charge people mates rates or even better don't offer again.

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