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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

did my guests abuse my hospitality or is this how friends behave?

161 replies

aroundtheblock · 14/08/2022 20:29

Offered my spare room (my office) to a couple I don't know that well who are in Edinburgh to see fringe shows. They are out drinking and seeing shows all day and most of the night and didn't pay for me to attend any shows with them or take me out for dinner or even bring me a bottle of wine. I get that they are here to network but they both have jobs and I saved them over £500 in accommodation costs. Last night they polished off a bottle of really good gin when they came in pissed. I feel they are treating my place like an airbnb and not treating me like a friend. I just asked them to replace the alcohol they drank because I don't see why I should subsidise them. I can tell by their body language that they are deeply insulted that I asked them to do this. AITA for expecting a gift and telling them to replace expensive booze?

OP posts:
DontTalkToMe · 17/08/2022 23:40

aroundtheblock · 14/08/2022 20:29

Offered my spare room (my office) to a couple I don't know that well who are in Edinburgh to see fringe shows. They are out drinking and seeing shows all day and most of the night and didn't pay for me to attend any shows with them or take me out for dinner or even bring me a bottle of wine. I get that they are here to network but they both have jobs and I saved them over £500 in accommodation costs. Last night they polished off a bottle of really good gin when they came in pissed. I feel they are treating my place like an airbnb and not treating me like a friend. I just asked them to replace the alcohol they drank because I don't see why I should subsidise them. I can tell by their body language that they are deeply insulted that I asked them to do this. AITA for expecting a gift and telling them to replace expensive booze?

They are taking the piss. But you also shouldn't expect to be taken to shows/be given wine/taken for dinner unless it was agreed beforehand.
Did you give them the gin to drink and expect to be be paid back without being explicit, or did they take it without your permission?

Pluvia · 18/08/2022 16:41

This is ridiculous. Did your parents never teach you basic manners? If someone offers you accommodation out of kindness, saving you £££s on hotel bills, good manners require you to show your gratitude. You turn up with a gift, indicating from the start that you appreciate the gift they're offered you and indicating that you understand that having guests is a disruptive and often tedious experience. The idea that you leave them waiting till the end of a visit before showing them you value them is very poor manners. And you don't often agree beforehand what you're going to give as a thank-you gift. You arrive with wine or something appropriate, you find out how the land lies (are they free to go out for a meal, would they like to attend a show, would a takeaway be appropriate?) and you proceeded accordingly. If you want to stay friends and perhaps be invited again, you don't give them any reason to complain.

feistyoneyouare · 18/08/2022 18:54

DontTalkToMe · 17/08/2022 23:40

They are taking the piss. But you also shouldn't expect to be taken to shows/be given wine/taken for dinner unless it was agreed beforehand.
Did you give them the gin to drink and expect to be be paid back without being explicit, or did they take it without your permission?

Show quote history

Given the amount of money the OP is saving them, I think it's perfectly reasonable for the OP to have felt a gesture of thanks was in order.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/08/2022 11:03

"You turn up with a gift,"

Why wouldn't you give the gift at the end. That's when you say thank you, isn't it.

Nanaof1 · 09/04/2023 08:47

Gwenhwyfar · 20/08/2022 11:03

"You turn up with a gift,"

Why wouldn't you give the gift at the end. That's when you say thank you, isn't it.

You turn up with a gift AND you send a proper gift after you leave.
That's what polite and civilized people do when they are getting several hundred pounds of free lodging.

saraclara · 09/04/2023 08:54

Zombie thread

Solonge · 09/04/2023 13:17

Show them this thread…..

janj2301 · 09/04/2023 16:26

You were saving them way more than £500. A week in Edingurgh during Fringe. I had friends who ran B&B and they made all their money in that month

Hobnobswantshernameback · 09/04/2023 16:28

Why oh why would you reawaken a thread that's almost a year old
what is wrong with people 🤯

stayathomer · 09/04/2023 16:29

But I'm really confused with your title op, you don't know them so why would you expect them to take you to shows? That being said yes, they should have offered you something, although I'd probably assume they'd have given something on the last day. You do sound overly angry at it all given you offered to help them out though?

Gwenhwyfar · 11/04/2023 11:14

"Or that you have empathy and can care about things that don't affect you on a personal level."

Why would you send something in the post when you've just been at somebody's house. How wasteful!
I've never heard of this two gifts rule.

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