to be sick to death of people thinking they have to tell me how awfully painful childbirth is?

[betterhalf]

I am now 39+3 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and people just delight in telling me the horrors of childbirth! Today I had someone who knows my Mum say 'Has anyone explained to you how terribly painful it will be for you?'
Well, thanks for that love, you've really cheered me up! I was feeling nice and calm about the impending birth, knowing I will have pain but feeling confident I can cope, and now my confidence has been shot! Grrrrr

Film scenes are unrealistic not because they show a woman screaming in pain but because babies get born in minutes

Havent read all the thread either. People scared me with there stories and dont think that it helped as i kept thinking something really terrible was going to happen to my baby and i.

When i was in labour i hung up my babies going home outfits (from hospital) and kept looking at them and tried to imagine seeing my gorgeous little baby in it!

I would definately consider having more children in the future, my son is 7 months and was worth every hour!

Epidural first time, after 2 days of contractions getting me to 3cm. Fast birth with no pain relief second time. The second was the much more positive experience. It was all very bearable - in fact 'good' pain, if there is such a thing, productive, healthy pain - until I arrived at hospital at 9cm. Transition and the pushing stage were very painful. But it was always just this side of bearable. I screamed and screamed and found the screaming gave me strength. I completely let myself go, which can be liberating.

With ds1 the epidural was a blessed relief, as the long-drawn-outness of it had made me miserable, but I do clearly remember feeling very disorientated that the (very efficient) epidural had just switched off that feeling of 'working' I'd been getting with the contractions.

i wish someone had told me their horror stories, i was very nieve never thought about it, everyone i knew had really easy births little did i know that i was going be the "one" that spent 28 hours in labour got to 7 cm dilated on cocktail of drugs, followed by e c section that hurt like mad when cut open which new it would as epidural didnt take edge of contrcts then to have GA. How STUPID was I? I spent 7 months doing hypnobirthing thinking baby would just drop out! not called labour for nothing, its bloody hard work.

Betterhalf, everyone is different I can only go from giving birth to two lovely babies it is uncomfortable but not the worst pain in the world, also you know it will stop and you forget it.

Good luck xxxx

Betterhalf I can sympathise. I had my first in July and constantly got the 'it'll be sooo painful' chat all the time from random strangers e.g. boyfriend of friend of friend at BBQ, shop assistant at grocers etc etc, but strangely not from any women with children. I think the annoying thing is not the 'information' that they are giving you (of course you've thought about this do they think you're stupid) but the fact that it's such an intimate thing - both physically and psychologically - for someone that you are not close to to presume to discuss with you. It really is exceptionally rude. There is no way that you would say something similar to someone who was about to have an operation or had an illness etc.

FWIW I didn't think the birth was that painful (and I said that to the mw as they were stitching me up so it's not just a hazy memory!). I didn't have the perfect labour by any stretch (2 days of contractions) but the gaps between contractions make it all manageable and I found gas and air great.

As others have said the rudeness doesn't stop there - as soon as you have a baby people feel they can openly question your decisions on all sorts of things. My approach - now and in pregnancy - has been to look at them for longer than is comfortable and then calmly say something along the lines of 'it's extremely ill-mannered of you to make such personal comments and I'd be grateful if you would refrain from doing so'. People tend to get embarrassed then whereas if you get angry they thing they're onto something (and it bugs me to much not to say anything).

Good luck, hope it goes well for you.

By CoteDAzur on Sun 20-Jan-08 21:18:32
Film scenes are unrealistic not because they show a woman screaming in pain but because babies get born in minutes envy

UMMMMM, DS1 15 mins
DS2 19 mins

My wise mum always says... no matter how bad the pain is, no-one EVER faints from it. And she's right. It is a bearable pain.

tell the next person;

"Actually, I thought passing something the size of a melon through a hole the size of a pea would be the LEAST painful thing in the world - what do you mean it will hurt?"

in good old fashioned sense - if you ask a silly question, you get a silly answer!

Oh but it really does hurt you know?

betterhalf, be confident. Whatever happens you will cope and come through to the end with a baby!! Nobody can say what pain experience you will have, as much of this is down to your threshold, determination, positioning of the baby (back to back labours tend to be longer and more painful than correct presentations), pain relief you choose etc. .

Look on the bright side, if it was that bad then we would now be extinct!!

I've had four with no pain relief. Cops like fook but it's really brilliant and exciting too. I'd do it again tomorrow. I'm sad I'll probably defintiely not get to do it again.

Haven't read all the posts so this has probably already been said but if it hurt that much no one would have more than one would they.

I take my hat off to all those women 60+ years ago who had 8 kids with no pain relief.

I'm a total wimp had 32 hour and 16 hour established labours..the epidural is a wonderful thing. I'm having DC3 in May so it can't be all that bad.

My friend had a 9 hour labour with just a TENS machine.

You'll be fine, next time someone says anything directly to you tell them to ' off' and let them think your hormones are to blame for the outburst.

Definitely go back and see her and tell her what a wimp she must be and how it wasn't that bad (no matter what you actually think ). Might stop her doing it to the next pg woman she sees.

I heard so many horror stories (Like as I'm in the process of being induced my lovely says "So are you dying yet?") That when I actually gave birth I was like "This is it"

I was waiting for Texas Chainsaw Massacre type pain, and even though I didn't have any pain relief it wasn't as bad as I expected.

Pain is different for everyone and really you might find it completely manageable.Have tiny fairy like friend who walked home three hours after giving birth,no tears,nothing.I found the pain copeable,as it is a wierd sort of feeling,not like trapping finger in door,more like extreme tightening. but didn't go all the way as had c-section,so who knows how I would have felt,but I hated all the blooming comments about the agony etc,not helpful,just make you feel scared and then more likely to be stressed and in pain! so ignore ignore ignore.My mother went on at a friend of mine about hideousness of her births(thanks ma)and my pal nearly fainted,but she coped fine with labour,no drugs.also have two friends who gave birth alone at home and several who say they didn't find it painful at all.Read Michele Odent,get a doula if you can afford it,and hope for the best-even a c-section is ok when you get a baby at the end of it.

I'd do childbirth again in a shot. Tbh, I had a fair bit of pain in my early weeks of pg as my womb was stretching - it must have been as tight as a drumskin before! I actually enjoyed most of my labour apart from when everyone seemed to be yelling at me to push at the end. That made me until I realised that I'd floated off elsewhere in a euphoric haze. Once I rejoined proceedings, so to speak, the rest followed very quickly .

Labour pains do hurt but you can also manage most of the pain - unlike having a broken arm for example where it'll hurt for a bit even after it's set (I'm guessing here). It's hard to explain but trust your body to know what it has to do and relax.

Were you induced KKM? I took about 2 hours to get from 0 to 6cm after being induced. I was too busy reading my book to worry about a few cramps down below.

Not quite 0-60 in 10 secs though .

Yep, it fucking hurts, mate.

I wish someone had told me, tbh. It would have given me enough time to buy a gun to shoot myself with

I'm a complete wuss with pain. I was induced and had an epidural about 6 hours after I went into labour. It was all FINE. I was so scared beforehand I was crying on the way to the hospital. It was fine, exhilirating, amazing, I'm jealous of you - I want to do it again and dd is only 11 wks!

I was not helped by crazy lady at beach telling me a week before I was due to be induced how she had been induced and had been in "unbearable agony", even when they put the gel in to induce her. B*llocks! It just felt like a normal smear test! Unbearable agony, my arse. Well, maybe she was, but I certainly wasn't.

If it gets too much pain relief is available. I( know EVERYONE says this, but it really is the most amazing, exciting, emotional, wonderful, incredible experience and I would do it again tomorrow without a second's hesitation. Good luck.

Ooh, yes, hatrick - tea and toast never ever tasted so good...

Not only tea and toast afterwards, but I had the most blissful bath I've ever had in my entire life. Hot water and some sort of salt thing in it. It felt so good! I was wallowing for hours - DH tells me I was anyway.