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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick to death of people thinking they have to tell me how awfully painful childbirth is?

325 replies

betterhalf · 20/01/2008 19:29

I am now 39+3 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and people just delight in telling me the horrors of childbirth! Today I had someone who knows my Mum say 'Has anyone explained to you how terribly painful it will be for you?'
Well, thanks for that love, you've really cheered me up! I was feeling nice and calm about the impending birth, knowing I will have pain but feeling confident I can cope, and now my confidence has been shot! Grrrrr

OP posts:
WindUpBird · 21/01/2008 11:06

YANBU. I was thinking about this just the other day. I'm halfway through my second pregnancy and my friend positively delighted in telling me about her recent birth experience plus other 'awful experiences' from her ante-natal club. I really didn't want to know! Also, through my local nct I met up with lots of other mums-to-be, most of them first timers, some of them scared. Other second timers were regaling them with the details of their births - it doesn't help anyone! I think you have the right attitude to begin with, be as relaxed as possible and focus on holding the little baby at the end of it. I looked forward to my last birth and will do this time. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

Mungarra · 21/01/2008 12:47

I don't get that either. Once you get the labour over with, you'll get people telling you about sleepless nights' (but never about how lovely babies are). Then you'll get 'oh, you don't want him to start crawling/walking' (well, actually I do). Then the crap about 'terrible twos' and 'threenagers'. People seem to want to frighten first timers.

I remember a farewell card to someone at work who was going on maternity leave with her first child. At least a third of the comments were about pain and 'taking the drugs' and 'shitting watermelons'. Most of the people who'd made those comments hadn't even had children or seen anyone give birth.

ruty · 21/01/2008 12:51

Ah well I'm rather sick to death of mothers telling me 'Oh well I did it all with hypnosis and homeopathy' or 'oh well I had a few mild contractions and turns out I was fully dilated and the baby slid out within the hour' So I guess it works both ways

[I had v difficult long birth and am pregnant again]

KrippledKerryMum · 21/01/2008 12:57

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lennygrrl · 21/01/2008 12:57

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MrsEi25 · 21/01/2008 12:57

YANBU!
i hated talking to anyone IRL about childbirth when i was preg with DD because they automatically feel the need to describe every detail to you...(thanx nan lovely and graphic) my mum actually spent my last few preg weeks telling me how i wouldnt be able to cope as she had to have two pethedine injections and gas and air when in labour with me... i just had to force myself to ignore all of the 'advice' and see how i coped myself. to be totally honest it wasnt anywhere near as bad as what i thought it would be so chances are you will be fine aswell dont get me wrong it did hurt but there is a point to the pain which made it easier to cope with iyswim
good luck
xx ei xx

lennygrrl · 21/01/2008 12:57

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Hecate · 21/01/2008 13:07

I rather enjoyed it.

I mean, it hurt like being buggered sideways by a donkey, but for some reason it also felt GREAT, a real high. Your body must kick out a very high dose of something or other!

Ok, so I personally had extras that weren't nice at all, which we won't go into, but in terms of the pain, it was the most intense pain I've ever experienced, and yet the best feeling too.

And when the baby is born and the pain stops, well...you've never experienced intensity like it, it is amazing.

MirandaG · 21/01/2008 13:11

I wish somone had told me that the after pains can be worse than labour pains. I had after pains a week after birth, but because it was so long after the birth, dh and I thought that either I was dying (I'm not joking), my appendix was about to burst or (impossibly) that there was another baby in there that was about to come out! We were about to call an ambulance when it stopped with the help of a hot water bottle. I'm certainly not trying to scare you - everyone knows that childbirth is painful (but manageable and worth it) and I have no idea why people love to remind pregnant women of the pain, but I did feel cross that I had been throgh two complete pregnancies as well as three miscarriages (ie lots of contact with midwives etc) and no-one had thought to mention this! I didn't have any with the first pregnany - think they are more common with second and subsequent.

FioFio · 21/01/2008 13:14

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KrippledKerryMum · 21/01/2008 13:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrmIrian · 21/01/2008 13:42

Someone once told me that it was like really bad period pain. As I rarely had any period pain I came to beleive it couldn't really be that bad.

I was wrong.

However while I think you have to approach it realistically - ie it will hurt, a great deal - it doesn't help to hear all the grisly details or to be told that, basically, you are going to suffer!

peatbogfaerie · 21/01/2008 13:44

It will hurt, but as someone else said it is bearable. I turned into the hippy-peatbogfairy for mine and talked to the baby through each contraction, sort of trying to tell her it would be okay. [puke icon]

Getting into warm birthing pool in 3rd stage was the best most fabulous pain relief ever.

Then obviously straight onto the serious painkillers they hand you when you leave hosp.

itsahardknocklife · 21/01/2008 13:54

betterhalf, I remember feeling the same as you when I was expecting - so many people felt it necessary to tell me how awful birth is. I got really angry at work once about it.
You get a gorgeous baby at the end of it and that's all that matters! And every birth, just like every pregnancy, is different. My friend had her first baby last year and she sailed through labour and the birth within a few hours and without needing any pain relief.
Good luck - and don't worry about what people tell you!

Lawrene8 · 21/01/2008 14:01

Hanven't read the whole thread - just the op so might be repeating but - everyone did the same to me, along with patting my bump which was just as annoying but that's another thread!!!

Try not to let it worry you - people experience pain in all different ways and even though I am a real wuss about pain the contractions didn't hurt that bad - they were like real bad period pains and that was it. It did hurt when ds popped out but it was 5 seconds and then all over. Tell everyone to P* off and leave you alone!

Peachy · 21/01/2008 14:03

CAn I just say that whilst it hurt yes, it wasn't the most painful experience of my life and my adrenaline etc was so high that it was all copable which is what matters- scary non explained pain is a lot worse than childbirth.

DS2's birth indeed was a very pleasant if drawn out experience, aided by aromatherapy and some fab MWs.

childbirth doesn't have to be horrid for everyone.

bossykate · 21/01/2008 14:04

lol! after the birth you will be saying no-one told you how bad it would be!

chin up, you'll be fine

SoupDragon · 21/01/2008 14:06

Is anyone else quietly sniggering because a large proportion of this thread is saying how painful childbirth is despite the OP complaining about people telling her that?

Hecate · 21/01/2008 14:10

Well, yes...but IT IS!!! There's simply no getting away from it, but the point so many folks are making is that although it hurts like having a poker up yer bum, giving birth - including the pain involved - is a good positive experience, and the pain itself is not a problem.

FoghornLeghorn · 21/01/2008 14:11

Fact is, yes it is bloody painful but the pain goes as soon as your baby arrives - it just melts away instantly.
Although I have my fingers in my ears and refuse to think about giving birth again until I actually go into labour this time

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/01/2008 14:12

I am a complete wimp, the kind of person for whom a headache is like the end of the world, and toothache causes complete life breakdown, lying in a dark room weeping.

However really didn't think childbirth was that bad. Of course it hurts, but between contractions is pain free, and it wasn't as excruciating as I thought it would be.

And yes, remember women telling me gleefully how hideously painful it would be. Bitches

Peachy · 21/01/2008 14:18

Anyhow there is always an epidural if it gets too bad isn't there?

It's not as if there are not any options

PrettyCandles · 21/01/2008 14:20

When I was pg with no1, if anyone tried to tell me a 'hoorrror' story about pg/labour/babies in general, I just shut them up pronto. No thank you, I know quite enough about that.

And it was pretty horrible, but perfectly survivable, and I felt hugely proud of myself when I finally held ds1 in my arms. And I went on to have two more. And the flipside of that comment (in the OP) is that you do actually forget the pain within seconds of giving birth. You remember that you had pains, but not the pain itself.

Your mum's friend might have, in her old-fashioned way, been trying to help. Perhaps she hadn't known when she was pregnant. Not only did my grandmother not know how babies were made when she got married nor where they came from, but she did not know she was pregnant until her neighbour told her, and did not know she was in labour until she went to that same neighbour for help because her tummyache was so bad. No wonder really that my dad was an only child.

OrmIrian · 21/01/2008 14:30

Oooh I think a headache is the end of the world getorf! I hate them and take anything and everything to get rid of them asap. But oddly labour didn't bother me so much. Hurt more but differently.

scottishmummy · 21/01/2008 14:31

Firstly congratulations on pg hope all goes well, Oh and dont people just love to share gruesome labour stories, and yep i also found it annoying. All the "Oh i knew someone who laboured for 98 hours, screamed for 72 hours, had 17 staff attending, broke the MW hand squeezing so much..."Aggghhhh shut upsometimes too Much information from other people is not helpful.

but for fear of sounding VCliched - it is So So worth it to have a beautiful baby.

the thing i was really looking forward too (apart from going home with baby) was soft eggs and wine