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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick to death of people thinking they have to tell me how awfully painful childbirth is?

325 replies

betterhalf · 20/01/2008 19:29

I am now 39+3 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and people just delight in telling me the horrors of childbirth! Today I had someone who knows my Mum say 'Has anyone explained to you how terribly painful it will be for you?'
Well, thanks for that love, you've really cheered me up! I was feeling nice and calm about the impending birth, knowing I will have pain but feeling confident I can cope, and now my confidence has been shot! Grrrrr

OP posts:
dinny · 20/01/2008 19:58

yes, MP is so right - it's not an alien, terrifying pain, it is totally familiar and your body knows what to do to cope with it. And it is like having a huge poo!

SSSandy2 · 20/01/2008 19:59

Oh God yeah I'd forgotten that, you feel severly constipated.

What is crowning then?

fortyplus · 20/01/2008 20:00

Wasn't familiar to me at all

dinny · 20/01/2008 20:00

Juuule, had shoulder dystocia with ds (2nd baby) and his head was stuck at crowning for what seemed an eternity... But I felt so in awe of the whole birth process when ds was fine and I'd not or anything.

dinny · 20/01/2008 20:01

are you joking SSSandy?

juuule · 20/01/2008 20:01

Crowning - the bit where the 'enormous poo' is about to emerge and it's widest bit is pushing through.

Quattrocento · 20/01/2008 20:02

It's better you know, tbh. Some freak at NCT tried to tell me it could all be assuaged with breathing and peppermint oil foot massages. The freak lied. Best you know in advance. YABU

bozza · 20/01/2008 20:03

Yes soupie that is quite a bizarre thing - the pain just going away like that is not something previously experienced. Also the fact that you feel reasonably normal between contractions, at least at first.

dinny · 20/01/2008 20:04

bozza - love the qualifier "at least at first" SOOOOO true.

thing is, it is more scary the first time than painful, IME

MadamePlatypus · 20/01/2008 20:04

Also, have these same people told you how wonderful it is to feel the weight of your baby in your arms for the first time and to smell that wonderful new born baby smell?

SSSandy2 · 20/01/2008 20:04

eh dinny? Joking about what?

juuule · 20/01/2008 20:04

Definitely not something you'd forget then, dinny. Hats off to you.

dinny · 20/01/2008 20:05

thought you were being deliberately obtuse as crowning is so, ahem, painful!
sorry!x

bozza · 20/01/2008 20:06

TBH when in early labour with DS I ran *(well not quite run but you get what I mean) around between toilets (we have 3) thinking I needed a poo but nothing was happening. It was only afterwards that I realised it was pressure from DS's not inconsiderable head! I was less naive when in labour with DD.

Original poster
betterhalf · 20/01/2008 20:06

No they haven't MadamPlatypus, but then there's nothing scary about telling me that so no fun is there. But I am seriously looking forward to getting this little man out and giving him a cuddle.

OP posts:
juuule · 20/01/2008 20:07

But for me that's the point I know it's over. Obviously not the same for you on your ds.

SSSandy2 · 20/01/2008 20:09

Because I gave birth overseas dinny, all in German and I never heard the word crowning before.

What the doctor did when the head appeared was pull my hand down so I could feel the (hairy) scalp and that was good. She was there and I felt her and I felt quite exhilarated by that. Writing that does sound weird though...

(Don't read this OP):

but what I found most worrying about the actual birth was the bit where they get snipping and sewing (not that I felt anything) but the sound of it you know

dinny · 20/01/2008 20:09

tbh I think I'd love another baby but there is always part of me that says "can you really do that again?" even though it was all OK, so it must have hurt (though have forgotten really what it felt like)

you remember as soon as you are pg again though!

policywonk · 20/01/2008 20:10

It will NOT necessarily hurt like shit - and to call it 'the worst pain imaginable' is ridiculous I think. Yes, for some women it is horribly painful; for others it is a walk in the park.

I positively enjoyed labour both times and would do it again in a flash. I'm with belgo - I found five months of incessant vomiting MUCH worse than labour.

And, if I may come over all Sheila Kitinger for a moment, if you think it's going to be mindblowingly painful and keep telling yourself that it's going to be the most painful thing in the history of the world, then you're going to make yourself horribly anxious, your muscles are going to tense up and you're going to make it all much more painful than it need be.

SSSandy2 · 20/01/2008 20:13

betterhalf I think it's totally normal to get freaked out by it though. Don't do what I did. I went into a bookstore and flicked through some scandinavian book on giving birth with lots of coloured photos and I came out REALLY worried

I called my mum and asked, so how bad is it then? And she said (she was an expat in Africa at the time, so not much in the way of pain relief - ie nothing) and she said , well it does hurt you know but you get through it. She said the midwives would kind of hum and you'd try and breath and push in time to the humming or soemthing.

She had her last birth back in England and the midwives said, oh you're an experienced mum ,we'll leave you to it, give us a ring when you want some gas or whatever. So mum rings for them at some stage, saying think I could do with something now and they said, no wonder! The baby's practically out already!

pelafina · 20/01/2008 20:15

Message withdrawn

juuule · 20/01/2008 20:15

I'm with you policywonk, would do it again in a flash - if I could.

ladymixalot · 20/01/2008 20:15

No one can say how it will be for you. People who have very painful/difficult labours sometimes don't quite believe others have it easy, and vice versa. Had one ds so far and I was told it would be the worst pain I'd ever go through (by a friend). Once it was all over I thought "Well that was OK!". Trying to establish breastfeeding was much more traumatic than the birth (but sorted in the end).

Didn't find the pushing stage or the crowning painful AT ALL, just extremely hard work (took an hour as cord was wrapped round ds's neck and kept pulling him back).

lizziemun · 20/01/2008 20:17

I used to just say "well something the size of a melon coming out of something that isn't. It well hurt" i usaually found that shut them up .

bozza · 20/01/2008 20:17

I have two chidren. And I know I could go through childbirth again without a doubt, but I would struggle with pregnancy and the newborn phase. So it can't be that bad. You have pretty much already done the pregnancy bit.